Shame.

I am writing this post today with an overwhelming sense of passion in my heart.  I am often incensed by the reality that there are still many people who use their own belief’s to shame others into converting to their way of thinking.  In doing this what you are saying is I am better than you, I know more than you, I have more faith than you, I am a better person than you. Who do you think you are?  Why is it your place to point out another’s “flaws”?  Does it make you feel better to shame someone? When you do does that make you right? Do you need to be right?  Do you feel better when you are? Does it make you more important?

Always ask yourself what is my motivation in saying/writing this? Of course you are always within your right to voice how you feel about someone or the situation, but the minute you say/write the word YOU (addressing the other person) it changes everything, now you are shaming them. No good has ever come from shaming, it is not motivating, it is not compassionate, and it does not come from love!  It comes from a place of insecurity and a need to put yourself above another.  It is self righteous!  How do you feel when you are being shamed? Angry, sad, hurt, disappointed?  Is it motivating for you?  If it does cause you to make a change is that change lasting?  Or have you made the change out of guilt? Do you hide things from the world or the people in your life because of it? Would it not have been better to feel respected, heard, valued? Would you have been more likely to listen to the others point of view if you did feel respected, heard and valued?  I am sure I don’t have to go on and on about the damage of shaming, unfortunately we are all much to familiar with it.

So the next time someone does something that you feel wrongs you (or another), before you lash out and shame them, do a little self discovery. Perhaps you can find the compassion in your heart to forgive them and accept that they are doing the best they can with what they know in this moment.  If you feel that you need to say something for your own cleansing or to share your passion, tread carefully.  Remember this is only an explanation of how YOU feel  and it is not meant to shame them into your way of thinking.  The only way to make a difference is by your own actions, be an example of your belief’s.  Explain that you were hurt, disappointed, angered, frustrated, etc by the situation/conversation (not by them).  Explain why you have difficulty with it, but do not force your opinion onto them. Ie. “I was very disappointed with our conversation.  I am passionate about_____ and it can be difficult for me to accept that not everyone shares my opinion.”  Or “I am sorry that this situation is not going to work out.  I feel very frustrated by the result as I have worked very hard to make it happen.”  Alternatively, perhaps it is a spring board for a more in-depth conversation.  Maybe there is something you both could learn from the situation or from each other.  Be curious, take your ego out of the equation and try and understand where the other person is coming from.  If it is an option, question them, listen, share your thoughts, try to see where they are coming from, very likely there is more common ground than you think. Give it a try.  At the end of the day the result you should be seeking is for growth on both sides.  If a discussion with the other person is not an option, then focus on your own personal growth and allow the other person to pursue their’s (whether they do or not is not your concern).  The biggest difference you can make in this world is by living your belief’s, not by forcing them on others.  Speak your truth, allow others to speak theirs and pray or hold the intention for all beings (including yourself)  to come to a place of enlightenment and love.  But do not SHAME!!!

 

When life gives you lemons . . .

Make lemonade?....Easier said than done?

Sometimes those lemons are REALLY big and sometimes they are small or medium sized but just as bitter nonetheless. A few years ago I read a book by a 5 time cancer survivor and she said when she feels sorry for herself, she gives herself 24 hours for a pity party, then she picks herself up, makes the best of the situation and carries on.  I really liked this and have adopted it in my life.  Its okay to feel bad, to feel like nothing is working out, that only bad things are happening to us, no one is able to help or understand us.  So feel bad, but at some point in those 24 hours you need to start picking yourself up.  I start by listing all of the things I am grateful for, all of the good things and people in my life (even if it is only one thing or one person).  Then I think about all of the people in the world who are much worse off than me.  Watch the news if you need any inspiration for this!!  No matter what we are going through there is ALWAYS someone else who is experiencing something much harder, physically, mentally or emotionally. If by now you are still not feeling better then do something for someone else.  Visit someone who is lonely, drop off some items at the food bank, talk to a homeless person, buy someone a cup of coffee or post an inspirational quote on Facebook.  By now 24 hours should be up and it is a better day.  I always ask "what is the one thing you can do today to make this better?"  Doing one thing (no matter how small) each and every day to improve our situation will eventually allow us to look back and say "I did it or I survived it".  There is so much strength and grace in overcoming adversity.  Don't be afraid of it, stand up to it, challenge it and ultimately overcome it.  Then the next time life gives you lemons you will say "Lemonade Anyone?"

okay I know its an orange not a lemon!! 

Sadness

Today I was consumed by sadness.  A sadness so deep that it caused an ache all over my body.  Have you ever felt that? A deep sadness that over takes you?  As I attempted to fight this overwhelming feeling I felt myself sinking deeper into it.  Finally I relented, I allowed it to over take me, I let it wash over me and around me and I felt it in every inch of my being.  I didn't know why, I didn't know how and I didn't know when it would stop.  But when I picked myself up and sat in the beauty that surrounds me I felt that sadness washing away.  It was replaced with a feeling of resolve, of survival.  Another lesson of leaning into the discomfort of our emotions, feeling it, allowing it and surviving it.  Makes me believe that anything is possible, the human spirit is indomitable.

 It is often darkest just before dawn.

What can be learned from jealousy?

Your friend gets engaged, a coworker receives a promotion or closes a big deal, an acquaintance is moving to Tahiti to pursue their dreams or your best friend falls in love and you are still single.  In these moments when we should be happy for our friends we sometimes feel that stab of jealousy.  This doesn't have to be a bad thing.  Of course you will congratulate them and support them but it is also an opportunity to look at your own life to see why this jealousy arose.  First of all lean into it, don't deny it, admit it, feel it.  How deep does it go? Is it fleeting or obsessive?  Is it directed at the person or the event?  This inquiry is necessary if you want to figure out what lies beneath.  The next step is to source out what might be missing from your life, what need of yours is not getting met or is there some resentment you are holding on to?  Often times we blame the person, he/she doesn't deserve it, look what he/she had to give up for it, it will never work out, but this is only a way out because we don't want to confront our own feelings.

There is so much to be learned in these situations, do not let these opportunities slip away.  Get quiet, listen to your heart, the answers are there for you.  What you find could change your life.  You might be stuck in a job you dislike, a relationship going nowhere, given up on your dreams or feel you don't deserve good things in your life.  Awareness is huge! You cannot change anything until you are aware of it.  With this awareness you can begin to take steps, one at a time to fill your unmet needs, release your resentment and make the changes you need to, even if it is only your thoughts that need changing. All emotions contain a lesson, learn it or become a slave to them.  I don't know about you but I would much rather learn from them and experience the emotional freedom that comes along with that.  I encourage you - become aware, become an inquirer, become FREE!!

Trust

Depending on what is going on in your life at this moment, the word TRUST may mean something different for each of us.  Regardless of its meaning  the emotion underlying it is very likely FEAR.  As I struggle with my own trust issues I look inside my heart to confront my own fears.  In this particular case it is fear for my emotional safety.  How do you open up to someone and trust them again when that safety has been compromised?  Emotional safety is not something that comes from your mind, it comes from your heart.  You can not "talk yourself out of it", it is either there or it is not you need to FEEL it.

Trust needs to be earned. I remember a very good friend of mine telling me that I was the only person who knew all of her secrets.  When I told her I was honoured by that she said, "you earned it by never judging me".  So what if someone does or says something to change this?  What if they judge you, treat you poorly, let you down or don't support you?  All of these are human reactions and can occur in even the best intentioned people.  So how do you get trust back? Is it possible or should you just accept it and move on? As always I like to look for my answers in the opposites and since the opposite (in my view) of both TRUST and FEAR is FAITH, I will need to call on faith to lead me.  One of my favourite quotes is: "In the end it will all be okay.  If its not okay then it is not the end."  It reminds me that my life here is a journey.  It is not about everything being perfect, it is about learning as much as I can about myself, living my destiny and purpose and in the end hopefully leaving this world a little bit better because I lived.

Today I will trust in the relationship I have with myself, let go of my fear and have faith that all will unfold as it needs to.  I hope you will do the same <3

Becoming Whole.

If you are reading my blog you are obviously as interested in personal growth as I am.  I cannot tell you how passionate I am about seeing people grow, learn and reap the benefits of this in their life.  I see so many people who are looking for someone outside themselves to fulfil them and make them happy and this is just not possible (if you have ever tried you will know it). Do your own work, become whole and not only will you change your own life but the lives of everyone around you, and quite possibly together we can change the world!!  A shout out to a beautiful woman I met this morning who is doing wonderful work championing women and adolescents, rock on Natalie!! I am honored to have met you.

Wholeheartedly yours.

Authentic You and your Passion and Purpose.

What does it mean to be authentic? How can authenticity be achieved? What does living authentically feel like? Unfortunately I am still amazed at how many people cannot even identify who they are, how can they be expected to live authentically when they don’t really know who they are or what they desire?  So many roles and expectations have been put on us that we lose ourselves, we become who we think we should be or are expected to be (no one knows this better than a new Mom or Dad). The journey to find ourselves can be challenging and you wonder, is it worth it? I am here to tell you with a resounding YES it is worth it.  We are all on this planet for a purpose and when you find that purpose and live it, you are fulfilling your destiny.  Is this not what every human being seeks? Then why is it so difficult?  The demands of our everyday life, the trauma’s we have experienced, the belief's we have created about ourselves and the roles we play are all barriers to our own fulfillment. Fear is also a big culprit in holding us back, but truly what are we really afraid of? Is not the fear created in our mind far worse than the reality? Should we not fear hiding in our old patterns more than we fear not fulfilling our life’s purpose?

To open yourself up and show the world your authentic self will not only bring you more joy than you can imagine, it will also bring into your life all of the right people, situations and events. This is your motivation!  Suddenly the Universe opens up to provide what you seek deep inside your soul.  I know from my own personal experience that getting to this point does require some work, but work that is worth it.  Start by taking some time to go into silence and ask yourself, Who Am I? What is my deepest desire? Allow your heart to provide the answers.  Then create an intention for your life to fulfil this desire, hold this intention, meditate on it. As opportunities are presented to you by the Universe, consider your choices and make a conscious choice based on your intention. Watch your thoughts, if they don’t serve your authentic self and your life purpose let them go. It’s not out of reach for anyone, we all come into this world with a beautiful soul that contains all of the answers for our destiny and purpose.  We only need to tap into this source to release them. If you are on this journey with me I know you are actually closer than most to realization, or have already found the way.  I encourage and support all of you in your quest to live fully, offer your gifts to the world and fulfill your purpose and destiny. All along the journey stay interested, stay connected and experience the joy and love that fills your life.

Much love. Tracy

Lasting Relationships

It is our human instinct to want to connect with a mate/partner, so why is the divorce rate 50% or higher?  Why are so many couples in counselling? And why do so many feel stuck in their relationship, or unable to commit?  I have had my own personal experience with couples counselling and I also do work for a group of Psychologists who do relationship counselling and I can tell you the success rate is not very good.  I think it is in part due to the fact that when couples go for counselling it becomes about, I need he/she to do for me, or he/she doesn’t understand me, or worse it becomes a blame game.  It is a bit like Western medicine’s approach to disease, everyone wants a quick fix, give me a pill or a shot and all will be healed.  The same is true in couples counselling, you feel like it is falling apart and that you should go to the therapist and he/she will fix it.  The reality is there is no quick fix.  Maybe we need to take an approach based more on Eastern medicine traditions.  In Eastern medicine you look for the root of the cause, you nourish your body and bring it into balance, and sometimes it requires going through a few “layers” of disease to get there.  This same method can be applied to your relationship, starting with yourself.  If you looked only inside yourself for what you need, inside yourself to heal what is broken and feel compassion for your partner perhaps more relationships could be saved.  If not, you will have a much clearer reason why it didn’t work and will go into the next relationship with a different view.  Perhaps couples counselling should be done individually, each becoming a “whole” instead of two “parts” trying to create a “whole”. This same strategy should apply to anyone in a relationship, not just those having problems or anyone looking for that special someone.  You need to fulfill yourself, live your destiny and your passion, find happiness and contentment within your own life. The secret to a long lasting relationship lies not in how much the other person can do for you or you for them, but what you can do for yourselves. 

 

There is no quicker death to a relationship than when one of the partners becomes “needy”, this can manifest as nagging, blaming, controlling, jealousy, submissiveness, being a victim, etc. My friends and I always say there is nothing less attractive then neediness and nothing more attractive than someone who knows who they are, is comfortable with who they are and wants to share it with the world. So if that is what we admire, then we must do our own work to make sure we are that person as well. Only in doing this will we have lasting happiness either inside or outside of a relationship, we will not be looking for someone to fulfil us or make us happy (which is impossible anyway) as we are already fulfilled and happy. We then have the ultimate gift to offer someone  who is “whole” as well, an EQUAL partner in life and love.

 

Defining Moments.

What are your life’s defining moments?  Was it something someone said or did, something you read or heard, an event or catastrophe or was it something that opened up from your heart?  In doing a little contemplation of how my life has unfolded, I can see that in many cases there was what I call a defining moment when things seemed to shift for me.  It was a shift on a deep level that I may have been trying to force – unsuccessfully. But when these moments occurred it suddenly seemed so clear and so “easy”. Nothing is the same after, you are forever changed, one of the cloudy lenses of our past experiences has been removed.  In this place we feel a sense of freedom and lightness, like a space has been opened up in our heart. . .and it has. I continue to get feedback from people on the difficulty of “letting go” and in my experience it really is about letting your heart guide you. When your heart gives you a defining moment, you will naturally let go, there is no other way.  If you then let your mind “talk” you out of it, you will suffer.  Recognition of this suffering can be a catalyst for change if you allow it. Awareness around these defining moments allows us to grow and evolve, it builds our character and strengthens our resolve. We can use these shifts of perspective to make positive changes in our lives or we can do nothing. We can use them to live and love more fully or we can continue to suffer. The choice is always ours to make! What do you choose?



Destiny

This morning I woke up with this poem in my mind, I actually wrote it while I was still in bed!  It seems to sum up for me where I am at this moment on the journey of my life.  Enjoy!  xo Tracy

Why Women Love Bad Boys

I recently found a FB page called “What Evolved Women Want” by Graham R White (its not just for women, evolved men will appreciate it too or those on the path of evolution).  I shared one of his posts on my FB wall that struck me and it evoked a similar response from many of the evolved women in my life. I checked out his blog last night and found this piece on Why Women Love Bad Boys; I had to share it with you as over the years I have debated this topic with many women AND men.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did, and a shout out to Graham for being an evolved man and showing us evolved women that you do exist and how our own behaviour can sometimes prevent men from pursing their own evolution.  No more enabling for this girl!! And men I can promise you. . . it will be worth it!!

WHY WOMEN LOVE BAD BOYS

Just like men don’t specifically desire sex, they desire feminine energy, women don’t specifically desire Bad Boys, they desire masculine energy.

For women, masculine energy appears to be available to them in “instant format” with Bad Boys who show up with the pretense of masculine energy. It’s not authentic masculine energy, it’s a Bad Boy’s best representation of what they think a real man looks like.

They’re almost instantly recognizable because they tend to choose visible outfits real men wear: Men in uniform, power suits, bike leather, drive lifted trucks, dropped sports cars and luxury automobiles.

The bigger the costume, the more fragile the ego (not necessarily correlated to show size as the popular myth goes).

Nice Guys are more evolved, they’re not pretending to be real men – they openly admit they’re not quite sure yet who they are and what their purpose is, but because they’re not even pretending to have confidence about their purpose they lack even the fiction of masculine energy that Bad Boys appear to have.

Nice Guys also have a uniform. This uniform is not to attract women, but to indicate to Bad Boys that the Nice Guy is not a competitor for status or women. It’s their “survival suit” designed to keep them from being noticed and out of fights.

Women instantly recognize the “survival suit” of the Nice Guy and know that he will wilt in conflict with Bad Boys. It also tells her that he will ask permission rather than take command in the bedroom. This leaves her feeling vulnerable and maybe even a little nauseous if he tries to make a move.

Nice Guys are confused by women who reject them and frustrated (enraged?) by women who come to them for soothing when they’ve been hurt only to run back into the arms of their Bad Boy when he pleads for another chance.

Women who attempt to save Bad Boys do so because their intuition tells them how powerful this man has the potential to be – if he’d just step into his purpose. Her mistake is believing that SHE can inspire that choice. THAT is her ongoing attraction to the Bad Boy, she sees her purpose served in saving this man from destroying himself – that can be heady stuff to a woman who is afraid to work on her own life.

The reason women reject the Nice Guy is because he openly demonstrates and talks about his fear of stepping into purpose. Where the Bad Boy constantly shows the potential he has to offer the Nice Guy continually talks about his insecurities.

Nice Guys aren’t interested in fighting for the attention of a woman. They claim neither their purpose or their woman. Instead they try to win her outside of competition. This is why they feel like an over eager and somewhat insecure puppy, both in their courtship and in the bedroom.

A Nice Guy will do just about anything to convince a woman of his affection for her, but virtually nothing to fight for her – not against other men, or life’s obstacles. Ironically, this makes Nice Guys more dangerous to a woman than Bad Boys.

Bad Boys are fairly predictable, but Nice Guys get upset in completely unpredictable fashion. Worse, no one knows when life circumstances will get tough and a woman partnered with a Nice Guy is almost guaranteed to have to become the leader and decision maker when they do.

The Bad Boy continually shows signs of WANTING to be magnificent, the Nice Guy continually demonstrates his fear of claiming it.

Women intuitively know they have the ability to inspire a man to claim his purpose. Ironically, it’s the Nice Guy with who this exists. All she has to do is… *nothing* – don’t marry him, don’t date him, don’t hang out with him and PLEASE don’t run to him when another guy hurts you.

It takes a significant life event to push the Nice Guy through to purpose. Mine was breaking my back and then my woman leaving me because I failed to claim my purpose.

WHY DO SOME WOMEN STAY WITH BAD BOYS?

Women who choose and remain with Bad Boys don’t believe they can attract one of the few real men. They’re likely right – at least not without a lot of personal growth. Because these women fear being alone they remain with the pretense of masculine energy rather than claiming the power of their feminine energy.

Many women are susceptible to the games and charms the Bad Boy has perfected over his decades of hunting women. Nice Guys get upset when they see women falling for his tricks and practically scream, “Can’t you see who he REALLY is?!?!”

But the woman looks at this Bad Boy through the filter of women’s intuition and what she sees is the potential of the man he COULD be and thinks that she DOES see him. She gives the Bad Boy chance after chance until it is too painful to continue anymore, sometimes tragically.

The Evolved woman sees through the games and the charms of the Bad Boy. She’s not fooled. She sees his potential as well, but she’s no longer a player in “the game”. She has no time for the Bad Boy and no sexual attraction to the Nice Guy. Only a real man will satisfy her – she’s single because she’s prepared to wait for the right man.

Graham R White

http://www.Facebook.com/WhatEvolvedWomenWant

 

Anger, Fear or Hurt?

I had a couple of opportunities this weekend to work with anger and it proved once again my theory that anger is usually a cover up for fear or hurt. 

 

As usual when I felt anger rising up in me I went into my “tape playing” I call it, immediately I start going over and over in my mind what I am going to say to this person.  It becomes all about trying to get the reaction or response I want or at the very least to let them know that I am MAD (which in this case really meant HURT).  Fortunately in both  cases I was able to distance myself in the immediate moment of the anger (this is quite often my response as I need time to process), this turned out to be the best thing for me and the other person.  After playing the tapes over and over in my head I decided to sleep on it.  When I woke up in the morning and no longer had the anger burning inside me I was able to ask myself in a calm clear manner what this was about for me.  It turned out in both cases I was feeling;  not heard, not seen and not a priority.  These are basic needs for all of us and when they are not getting met we fall into our destructive patterns of behaviour that we have used in the past to get them met (although usually on a temporary basis).  As I work on changing these old patterns, I was very proud of myself that I ended up not lashing out.  I was able to clearly state my position as I felt it with no blaming, guilting or condescending.  It took a lot of discipline to put aside my anger/hurt and really look inside myself, but when I was able to do this it felt so right.  Its like it no longer has a hold on you, the pain disappears and you feel peaceful and at ease. It’s the trying to control the situation or the person that brings the pain.  While we often think this is easier it really is not.  Look inside yourself, find what is going on for YOU and then do what you need to do to get that need met.  Watch your emotions rising and then look beneath them, sit quietly, sleep on it, go for a walk in nature, journal, whatever works for you. Its time to stop allowing these destructive patterns of behaviour from controlling our lives. Let go of the anger, the fear and the hurt and take ownership of your own emotions and your reactions to them and change your life!

Speaking your Truth.

As a die hard people pleaser I have often found it difficult to speak my truth.  I know I have talked about this before and the importance of always being your authentic self, but this week I had such clarity around two experiences of speaking my truth that I wanted to share them with you.  Both of them were with people that are particularly close to me which can often be the hardest which makes it even more meaningful to me.

In one case I was able to speak my truth with someone who shares a very different belief system than me.  In the past I had many times not been fully honest about my thoughts and feelings in conversations with her and had often become defensive and opinionated.  I always left these encounters feeling unsettled wishing I would have said this or that, with no real closure.  This week I was able to share my beliefs in a calm manner and REALLY listen to hers.  What I found was that we actually did share a lot of the same ideas we are just coming at them from two different paths. We were able to connect in our shared love of humanity and service to others in a positive way instead of focussing on our differences.  At the end of the day there will always be things we don’t agree on, but I felt a closeness to her that I had not felt before.  I totally understand why she has chosen her path and why I have chosen mine, neither one wrong or bad just different.  I was also able to open my heart to allow some of her words to resonate with me and came away with some great ideas. Yay!!

In the second case I had been feeling that a connection with this person had lost its depth and meaning.  If there is one thing anyone who knows me will say it’s that I hate superficial conversation!  I had been allowing this in this relationship as it had been good in the past, but this week I reached my threshold.  I needed to inject meaning into this relationship or I needed to let it go. As it turned out this person was not interested in a more meaningful relationship or was not capable.  Either way I knew in that moment that this was no longer serving me and it was done.  Just because something has been good in the past doesn’t mean it always will be or needs to be.  Learn what you need to learn and move on.  You will know in your heart when that time is and then it will seem like the most natural thing.  Until then yes it will cause you some pain and suffering but that is what makes the letting go so much sweeter!

If you always speak your truth with everyone in your life, it allows them to either create a deeper connection with you or it sends them running for cover.  Either way you are better off as you are surrounding yourself with the people that feed your soul and the ones that don’t will naturally fall away. For me this week it felt like the most natural thing and has left me with a wonderful feeling of peace and lightness.  So grateful for life and its lessons!

My wish for you today is that you will take a chance, speak your truth, deepen a connection or let one go and share in my peace and lightness.

 

Clear seeing or as I like to call it. . . .Clarity.

A few years ago a friend of mine and I were always searching for “clarity” we talked about how difficult it was and how we only seemed to get brief glimpses of it, him when he went for a run and me when walking in nature. Yoga and being in my physical body had been my introduction to this work, but I wanted something that would allow me to look deeper, into my mind and soul.  I decided to take a mindfulness meditation class and it was my first real view of what “clarity” looked and felt like.  It was definitely a life changing experience and changed me in ways I never would have expected.  Since that time I have fallen off the meditation wagon a few times, but thankfully when I do return I immediately start experiencing the benefits.  Even when I have fallen away from my practise as I look back I see that each time I come back I am wiser and feel it on a deeper level, so I don’t  judge myself or beat myself up about it, it all needed to unfold precisely as it has. I often say to people “you need to look at the situation exactly as it is, without emotion.  This will allow you to see it for what it truly is not what you want it to be.”  The only real lasting way I have found to do this is through meditation.  A regular practise of silence and quieting your mind can lead to such clarity, grounding and contentment you will wonder how you ever survived without it.  I know it is a difficult thing to do (believe me I have been there, trying to quiet my monkey mind!!), especially in today’s busy world, but I want you to know that it is worth it! 

There are many different meditation styles and philosophies, but whatever you chose it needs to work for you.  Trust your instinct, follow your heart, if an opportunity to try it is presented to you, go ahead and give it a go.  Start with 10 minutes daily of just sitting quietly in silence watching your thoughts, not attaching to them or letting them take you away to far off places, but just watching them.  A guided meditation is also a good beginning, Oprah and Deepak Chopra have a new free online one starting Nov 11^th, if that feels right for you give it a try www.chopracentermeditation.com (I have done all of the ones they have done before and they are great, I love them!).  The path you chose is less important than the practise itself and the benefits you receive.

All of the answers to the questions in your mind, What is my destiny? Am I doing the right work? Am I in the right relationship? What am I passionate about? are available to you through meditation.  No they won’t hit you like a lightening bolt while you are sitting in lotus position. . .  but they will become clear to you in a way you won’t expect. You will seem to “know” exactly what you need to do or not do and the Universe will conspire to give you all that you need and desire. Don’t believe me? There is only one way to find out, EXPERIENCE it for yourself.  I challenge you!!

Allow what needs to be.

 

As I continue on my journey of letting go, it always helps me to remember to have faith that all will unfold as it needs to and I should not stand in its way by hanging on to the past.

Allow, accept, believe and above all have faith.

 

You are not alone, with love, Tracy.

Letting Go . . . Revisited.

After my post on letting go, I received more repins of the quote I used than any other quote I have pinned (on Pinterest).  I subsequently posted another one –  

- which again had some of the most repins ever. It struck me that I am one of many people who struggle with letting go of what or whom does not serve us.  While I feel some comfort in knowing I am not alone, I find it sad that so many people are hanging onto things that hurt their heart and soul.

What is it that makes us do this? Is it the expectations of others? Of ourselves? Why and when did we create the belief that this is acceptable? Do we not feel worthy of happiness, peace and contentment?  There are so many questions and I know the answers are different for everyone, but the end result is the same.  If we do not find the answers for ourselves we will continue to struggle with “letting go”.  Maybe there is a clue in this quote:  

Accepting what was but not being attached to it will definitely lead the way. We need to appreciate the good that was in the relationship or situation and we need to acknowledge the bad, both in a factual unemotional way.  In my life I find this most difficult with the people and situations closest to me (as I would expect it is for most of you). So the method I have adopted to work with it is to change my thoughts. The thoughts in our mind create the feelings and emotions we have, so if we want to change these we first need to change our thoughts. When I find my mind obsessing about someone or something, first I acknowledge the overwhelming thoughts, I don’t judge them I just “see” that they are there.  Then I select thoughts of gratitude for the good in my life, thoughts of my faith in the Universe and that everything is as it should be and that all will work out as it should. Thoughts of how trying to “control” (or force as the quote above says) only causes me to suffer and thoughts of returning to that amazing feeling of peace and contentment.  On the days that I seem to be unable to do this, I let myself obsess while carefully watching and knowing that tomorrow will be a better day (and it always is).

I think the most important thing we all need to know about letting go, is that it is all up to us.  Every day, every minute we have a choice, if nothing else we have the choice to allow it to affect us or not.  The minute we give up our power to someone or something else we suffer. The minute we make the choice to change something in our lives, to no longer allow someone to treat us badly, or to LET GO of whatever hurts our heart and soul, then we have the freedom to pursue what does feed our heart and soul and opens up the space for the Universe to send it our way!

Update:  If you are struggling with letting go please read my new post "The Energy of Attraction" - November 6th, 2014.  My recent experience around letting go and releasing emotion was very powerful for me and may be of some help to you.  Whatever you are dealing with, I encourage you to keep seeking solutions because one day you will find the one that fits for you. . . and always remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  xo Tracy

Peace and Contentment

I wanted to share this story with you because I didn’t think it was possible, but one year later I have proven myself wrong!

In February of 2012 I was feeling overwhelmed with all that was going on in my life and I felt a calling to go to Hawaii and I knew I needed to go by myself.  So I booked a flight and arranged to stay at a yoga retreat in an isolated rain forest.  The whole experience was amazing (although sometimes challenging J), I spent a week by myself at the retreat and then my husband joined me for the second week at a resort on the sunny side of the island.  When I returned to regular life, I felt recharged, peaceful and content, with so much clarity.  Two months later I felt I was losing this wonderful feeling and by August it was only a faint memory (I had yet to learn how to recognize my needs and get them met in a healthy way).  When I first started working with my life coach a year ago I told her about my Hawaii experience and how I wanted to return to that feeling.  At the time I didn’t think it was possible to recreate it while living in my everyday life, I thought it was something that was only available on vacation. Well I am happy to tell you that one year later, I have found a way to get that peaceful feeling in my everyday life!  I am not saying that I feel like I am on vacation everyday, but there are pockets of time, days, and sometimes a whole week where I actually do have this same vacation feeling.  How did this happen? I am sure it has all been a process, one step at a time and many of you have been there with me along this journey so are familiar with it. Definitely embracing personal growth and learning to love and accept myself just as I am has been a huge contributing factor, but so have all of the self care rituals I have instituted.  We often think self care is selfishness but that is totally wrong, it is absolutely necessary to create the peace and balance we all need.  For me it was taking time every morning to enjoy a relaxed cup of coffee and a guided meditation.  It was being aware of when I needed time alone and then making sure I took that time to relax and recharge.  It was knowing when I needed to have some fun, enjoy a concert, dinner with friends, time with my children. It was starting a gratitude journal and making it a priority to write in it every day and it was above all else pursing my passion by sharing my experiences with all of you through this blog.

 
Give it a try yourself, find something you like to do when you are on vacation that you can implement into your daily routine.  Bring that fun, relaxation and peaceful feeling vacations provide into your everyday life, one small step at a time. . .  you can do it!

Success.

Living in a world that equates success with material possessions and status can often be difficult.  But I am going to say that in our final days on this earth none of that will matter and we will measure our life's success based on the words in this quote.  Love them, live them!

 

Letting Go.

We hear these words all the time. . . ."you need to let that go”, “its time to let go of him/her”.  We say these words all the time. . . .”I have let go of it”, ”I really want to let go of it/him/her”.  I’m sure we have all said it a FEW times!!  What “letting go” means may be different for each one of us, but for me I know it is not enough to just say it, I need to FEEL it!  In my personal experience I have usually said it hundreds of times before I get to the feeling part :), but only when I am finally able to feel it do I truly let it go. Is there something you are hanging on to right now? An event, a conversation, a situation, a person, a place, and have you said at least once that you have let it go, but really have not? If you answered yes then believe me you are not alone. So how can we all get to that place of truly letting go?  It may not be the same thing every time or for everyone but I can tell you a few things that work for me. As an eternal optimist I can easily glorify the person, event, situation, etc and see only the good things from it.  I know this is probably unusual as most people would be the opposite and focus only on the bad (which I do sometimes as well), but the repercussions are exactly the same.  We are not seeing it clearly for what it really is/was.  I need to work at very clearly examining the facts, this means giving equal thinking time to both the good and bad.  How did it serve me and how did it not serve me? Have I learned what I needed to learn from it? Am I better or worse because of it?  Why am I hanging on? Again I can not emphasize enough that you need to do this in a non-emotional factual way and be honest with yourself.  Write it down if you need to; make a pros and cons or negative/positive list, sometimes seeing it written down helps.  It’s all about changing your mindset. The other thing that works for me is to see the person (if there is one involved) face to face.  I find it important to feel their energy, even if the conversation is not about the event, situation, etc. Just being in their presence, feeling their energy can often trigger something for me.  Mostly I am able to see that I have created a totally different story in my head than this person has and it gives me perspective. The other way I have been able to let go is when I have reached a threshold of stress or anxiety. I’m sorry to have to tell you this but the saying, “it is darkest before the dawn” sometimes needs to happen before we can truly let go of certain things.  What I can happily tell you, is that in every case (sometimes it has taken me a long time) when I have finally been able to FEEL the letting go, it has always been lasting and the best thing for me.  It brings with it a deep feeling of peace and contentment and opens up the space for other good things to come into my life. Who wouldn’t want a little more peace, contentment and good things in their life?  I DO!

A Better Life.

I found this on Pinterest today and L.O.V.E it, so I wanted to share. . . .

We all have the choice to live this everyday, some days it is easier than others but always worth the effort!  Be Happy!

Time for some fun and play . . .

I have always said fun is a basic need, and it is!  Sometimes I forget this and need a reminder, yesterday I got one J. . . now its time for some fun!!  The responsibilities of life, work, kids, house, bills, etc. can take its toll on our psyche and sometimes we just need to cut loose and have some fun!  We need to find that child like quality that we all have but may have buried deep inside.  Today let it out, GO PLAY! Dance, sing, play a sport or a game, round up some friends for a fun activity, go to the pub, dance around in the park, go to the beach, whatever works for you.  Give yourself permission to have some FUN!  You will be glad you did!!

ENJOY!

Isn't the risk worth it to have no regrets?

What does Faith mean to you?

When I was a little girl saying my prayers my Mom would always say if you don’t know what to pray for, always pray for more faith.  In my little girl mind I thought this meant that I obviously didn’t believe in God enough or that even if I did right now I probably wouldn’t at some point!  As I began to find my own way in this world, the organized religion that I had been brought up in did not seem to be a good fit for me.  No matter how hard I prayed for more faith, it simply was not working for me.  As soon as I let that go and started on my own spiritual path I found the “faith” that was before so elusive much easier to find.  For me “faith” is the belief that God/Spirit (whatever your word is) resides in each and every one of us and that we are all connected in a way that is much larger than the sum of any one of us.  This means that I trust in the Universe, that all that happens in my life and the lives of others is the way it is meant to be (for the greater good).  It doesn’t mean I sit back and let life happen to me, not at all (as anyone who knows me can attest to), but what it does mean is that I am able to accept all of the experiences, good and bad as necessary.  Necessary, for me to learn what I came into this lifetime to learn. I always say to myself, this is your path and this needs to happen for some reason so pay attention.  Learn what you need to learn, let go of what you need to let go of and always move forward.  Having faith also means you need to believe in yourself.  You need to know that you are capable of handling anything that life gives you (because you are!).  I used to be a worrier, but for the most part I don’t anymore (my children and puppy are sometimes exceptions!).  If I start to go back down that path I say “you will deal with the consequences when you need to” (90% of what we worry about never ever comes to pass).  When I have been faced with dealing with something extremely difficult, it doesn’t matter if I worried about it incessantly or was caught by surprise the pain is the same, so why spend all of that energy worrying? Channel it into something productive, like living and loving!!  I encourage you to take some time to consider what “faith” means to you, find a way to reconcile it with your spiritual beliefs and enjoy the peace that it brings into your life!! 

Compassion

“I don’t believe compassion is our default response I think our first response to pain ours or someone else’s is to self protect. We protect ourselves by looking for someone or something to blame or sometimes we shield ourselves by turning to judgement or by immediately going into fix it mode.” –Brene Brown “The Gifts of Imperfection”

“Compassion for ourselves is essential. Where it is absent, we feel fear and self-loathing.  Since it is unbearable to hate ourselves we project that hatred onto the world.  We’d rather be victims of the world than victims of ourselves, and by blaming the world we can avoid the pain of facing ourselves.” –Debbie Ford from Dark Side of the Light Chasers.

We would all like to think that we are compassionate people, we feel bad when others are struggling or have less than we do.  Our hearts hurt for people suffering with horrible diseases or dealing with  difficult family problems.  But do we have this same kind of compassion for ourselves?  Do we forgive ourselves for saying something nasty about someone else, for not always doing what we (or society) say is the right thing. Do we cut ourselves some slack for being late, grumpy, lazy, cynical, angry. . . .the list goes on and on.  I always say no one can say anything worse to me that I haven’t already said to myself.  But in order to fully have compassion for others we must first be able to give it to ourselves.  I have been contemplating and observing this principle in all areas of my life lately.  I believe it is impossible to give anything authentically to anyone else that we do not feel for ourselves. And so my work continues . . .in order to stay true to myself and my beliefs I must learn to cultivate all of these traits in myself so that I can give them to others from my heart.

 

Let me start by saying compassion is not feeling sorry for someone.  When you apply this to yourself, you will see that you do not want people to feel sorry for you, so don’t do it to others, it takes away yours and their power.  Compassion is about acknowledging suffering and pain but having faith that everything in the Universe is playing out as it needs to.  It is about feeling empathy but understanding that each person is responsible for themselves, their decisions, their circumstances and their reactions to whatever life gives them.  I always feel that the best gift you can give someone who is struggling or in pain is to believe in them.  To honor them with love and caring but know that ultimately they are on their own path. So now, as you read these words its time to start applying it to ourselves.  Are we able to say and show ourselves this same compassion?  Are we able to say “everything is as it should be”? Do we believe in ourselves enough to know that we can handle whatever life throws our way? Can we have empathy for ourselves and understand that we are doing the best we can with what we know at this moment? Can we sit with our own pain, real and imagined and not become a victim? OR Are we blaming someone or something for all of the problems in our life? Have we lost faith in ourselves and our beliefs? Are we self protecting by judging or trying to “fix it”?  Its time to start giving the same compassion we seem to so easily give to others to ourselves!! To accept ourselves for the beautiful souls that we are, to understand that we are doing the best we can with what we know right now and have faith that everything will work out just as it needs to. Today, tomorrow and forever. . . Honor yourself with compassion.

My meditation buddy.

Doesn't get any better than this....my meditation buddy curled up in my lap! 

I DESERVE.

A few years ago when I was doing reflexology and detox foot spa treatments I received a call to see if I would come to an elderly ladies home as she was not very mobile.  I started visiting her once per week to see if the treatments would help with her mobility.  As I got to know her I told her about Louise Hay and her belief that every physical ailment is rooted in an emotional block.  She was definitely interested so I looked up her problem in my book and gave her the emotional cause and affirmation.  The next week when I saw her she told me that while she agreed with the emotional block she was physically unable to say the affirmation.  The words she was stuck on that would not come out of her mouth were – I DESERVE.  I remember thinking how sad this was and what must be going on for her that she was not even able to utter these words. 

Years later as I continue on my own journey I have come to realize that these words are also are very difficult for me to digest.  While I am able to intellectually say them, believe them and act on them, I now know that I do not always “feel” them at the core of my being.  What is it about our life experience that causes this?  At what age do we create this belief? I suppose it is different for everyone, and probably a culmination of many things over the years.  Many people will go through their whole lives feeling like they don’t deserve any good in their lives, that they must do for others what they are incapable of giving themselves and pushing down their own feelings of lack because they don’t want to confront the pain of looking into their own heart. If just reading this is bringing up any emotional reaction in you then you will know that you to are struggling with accepting that you do DESERVE. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be content, you deserve to have abundance and you deserve to be loved.  We all do!

I can tell you from my own experience that looking into your own heart to find the answers is not that bad. Ironically we spend a lot of time and energy trying to hide our insecurities but when you confront them they lose all of their power over you.  You will feel like you have been let out of a prison (a self imposed one) and will begin living from your authentic self.  The reality is we don’t want to look into our own souls because it is painful, but when we do, what we will see is the beautiful spirit that we all are. Say these words out loud with me right now:

“I release all of the past life experiences that have lived in my mind and put up barriers in my heart to fully accepting and loving myself.  I DESERVE all that is good in my life.”

 

Yes you do!!!   This journey has been so fulfilling and enlightening for me and I want to say thank you to each one of you for sharing it with me  . . . you are my inspiration!  Lets rock on!

Simple Words.

I thought I would share another one of my "poems" with you that felt particularly right today. Hope you enjoy the simplicity of the words and let them into your heart.   -(Written May 2, 2008)

Here we are

Where is that?

The light is bright

Open your heart

Hear what I have to say

Join with me

Join us all

Today we are free

Free from suffering

Tomorrow we don't know

Fill your cup

Make it last

Let your spirit out

Settle for nothing

Awareness is the answer

the answer to all questions

Should we keep it secret?

Do great things

Do not be afraid

Peace and gentleness are key

Join, join, join together

Try harder, it will come

Love is all powerful

It will conquer all!

 

Wishing you all a peace and love filled day!!! xo Tracy



The Dark Side.

“I would rather be whole than good”  I wrote this in my journal a few years ago while I was reading the Debbie Ford book “Dark Side of the Light Chasers”.  Since then I have been very aware of the fact that we all need to accept both the good and bad sides of ourselves for us to be whole.  It seems the more we try and hide the dark side the worse it becomes. Just like anything in life, the more we try and fight it the harder it is.  Ask anyone who has dieted, worked out or studied!! So if you keep trying to hide and deny your shadows you will only see them reappear again and again (and also be mirrored back to you in others). So how do we change this?  The first step is awareness, finding and acknowledging what we “don’t like about ourselves”, and then  shining a light on it so we can see that it has actually been a positive thing in our lives.  For me when I went through this exercise the first time I could see that I did not like how I was so sceptical (I considered this a negative trait).  But when I took a closer look the reality was that many times this scepticism had protected me.  I was then able to see this trait as helpful and no longer needed to pretend to be accepting of everything, that it was okay to question and probe in certain circumstances. I also struggled with being opinionated. When I saw that this was because I am passionate, interested and enthusiastic I learned to love and accept it about myself. I was then able to share my opinions in a positive way and accept others views with more understanding.  This has enabled me to create very deep meaningful friendships in my life which are very valuable to me. 

I’m not sure if it is just in my life, but it seems everywhere I turn these days, Pinterest, Facebook, blogs, TV shows and movies, books, speakers, TED talks, etc. what everyone is drawn to is authenticity!  We want it in our politicians, our leaders, our clients, our celebrities, and most importantly our friends and people close to us. I think this is a sign of our changing times.  The connections we make with others is what makes life full, enjoyable and brings us happiness. These connections become so much more meaningful when we are being our authentic selves and sharing our beautiful spirit with others. If we want authentic connections in our life we must first cultivate this trait in ourselves.  To do this we must acknowledge, accept and understand all of the good and the bad that make up the beautiful spirit that is inside all of us. Today give some thought to your dark side, shine some light on to it and see that it is not a monster living in the closet it is part of the beautiful person that you are.  Become whole, become authentic, become REAL and believe me not only will your own life become richer but you will grace the lives of others with your spirit.  Fall in love with your imperfections!!