Compassion

“I don’t believe compassion is our default response I think our first response to pain ours or someone else’s is to self protect. We protect ourselves by looking for someone or something to blame or sometimes we shield ourselves by turning to judgement or by immediately going into fix it mode.” –Brene Brown “The Gifts of Imperfection”

“Compassion for ourselves is essential. Where it is absent, we feel fear and self-loathing.  Since it is unbearable to hate ourselves we project that hatred onto the world.  We’d rather be victims of the world than victims of ourselves, and by blaming the world we can avoid the pain of facing ourselves.” –Debbie Ford from Dark Side of the Light Chasers.

We would all like to think that we are compassionate people, we feel bad when others are struggling or have less than we do.  Our hearts hurt for people suffering with horrible diseases or dealing with  difficult family problems.  But do we have this same kind of compassion for ourselves?  Do we forgive ourselves for saying something nasty about someone else, for not always doing what we (or society) say is the right thing. Do we cut ourselves some slack for being late, grumpy, lazy, cynical, angry. . . .the list goes on and on.  I always say no one can say anything worse to me that I haven’t already said to myself.  But in order to fully have compassion for others we must first be able to give it to ourselves.  I have been contemplating and observing this principle in all areas of my life lately.  I believe it is impossible to give anything authentically to anyone else that we do not feel for ourselves. And so my work continues . . .in order to stay true to myself and my beliefs I must learn to cultivate all of these traits in myself so that I can give them to others from my heart.

 

Let me start by saying compassion is not feeling sorry for someone.  When you apply this to yourself, you will see that you do not want people to feel sorry for you, so don’t do it to others, it takes away yours and their power.  Compassion is about acknowledging suffering and pain but having faith that everything in the Universe is playing out as it needs to.  It is about feeling empathy but understanding that each person is responsible for themselves, their decisions, their circumstances and their reactions to whatever life gives them.  I always feel that the best gift you can give someone who is struggling or in pain is to believe in them.  To honor them with love and caring but know that ultimately they are on their own path. So now, as you read these words its time to start applying it to ourselves.  Are we able to say and show ourselves this same compassion?  Are we able to say “everything is as it should be”? Do we believe in ourselves enough to know that we can handle whatever life throws our way? Can we have empathy for ourselves and understand that we are doing the best we can with what we know at this moment? Can we sit with our own pain, real and imagined and not become a victim? OR Are we blaming someone or something for all of the problems in our life? Have we lost faith in ourselves and our beliefs? Are we self protecting by judging or trying to “fix it”?  Its time to start giving the same compassion we seem to so easily give to others to ourselves!! To accept ourselves for the beautiful souls that we are, to understand that we are doing the best we can with what we know right now and have faith that everything will work out just as it needs to. Today, tomorrow and forever. . . Honor yourself with compassion.