Communication. Is it always a two way street?

First of all sorry my friends for being away from my blog for so long, the process of selling our family home and finding a new one for myself was not only time consuming but also emotional. I am happy to report that I have made it to the other side and am looking forward to finalizing the transition some time in February!

As I become more and more comfortable living from my authentic self, I am fascinated by so many aspects of our human existence.  One thing that has captivated me over the past few weeks is being aware of the human communication process.  As I get better and better at no longer taking things personally or making assumptions I feel I am able to have a more “true” communication with others, or at least that is what I thought.  What I learned is that no matter how authentic your own communication is you have no idea how it is being perceived.  This became clear to me when on several occasions my friends would say that I said something specific.  Immediately I thought “I don’t think that’s what I said” and wondered why and how that could happen.  I began to realize that we “hear” what others say based on what is going on in our own minds at that particular time.  I began to be aware of this in my conversations and could often recognize it in another.  Of course at this point I didn't recognize it in myself!!  One day my daughter was telling me about a dream that she had, at the time I was very preoccupied with how my children were feeling about their Mom starting to date. When she finished her story I said “wow isn't that interesting how your dream seems to signify how you feel about me dating and your trying to protect me?”  (Boy was I wrong and thankfully my daughter was able to point this out to me right away!) She replied, “Mom it has nothing to do with you it was about ME” (thanks sweetie!)  Luckily I was aware enough to recognize that I had just done exactly the same thing that I was observing in others.  I loved this experience because it was humbling and I learned so much from it.  It made me realize that often I was putting my own spin on what others were saying and considering this reality when in fact it was only MY reality.  I also understood that when others are challenging me on one of my opinions or views, it is their reality and not mine (don’t take it personally!).  I still always give consideration to others opinions and views because often there is something I can learn, but fortunately I no longer take them as gospel.  I give them consideration and contemplation but at the end of the day I honor what feels right for ME.  Self love and feeling comfortable with who you are gives you the confidence to know that you are being authentic in your communication and that your intention comes from love, how this is perceived by others is out of our control.  This took me a long time to learn as I used to feel that others responded to me based on what I said (and was always trying so hard to say the right thing).  In reality it had nothing to do with me; they responded based on what was going on for them.  How liberating and freeing is that?!  When you are in a healthy relationship or friendship you should be able to challenge each other on your communication differences in a mutually supportive and loving way.  If you are not able to have this kind of healthy communication then Number 1, look to yourself first.  Figure out what is going on for you, why you are reacting, what belief is being triggered, are you distracted, etc. In the same way that we cannot control another’s perception we also cannot blame them for it.  Figure out your part in the play, and let others play their own, that is the only way to a successful ending!

This morning as I was re reading “The Four Agreements”, I thanked the Universe for sending me this gift (I found the book in a box I was cleaning out).  All four of the agreements speak to what I have been talking about above.  When I first read this book, years ago, I remember thinking that I needed to TRY harder to live them.  Today I realized that through my own journey to self love and living authentically I began living them without trying. And that is the path of least resistance!

Pain and Suffering

Just the title of this post reminds me of my Catholic upbringing, how we were taught that to suffer would bring us closer to God.  I have to be honest this never really sat well with me, I always thought that the God I believed in did not want us to suffer he wanted only our happiness.  As I followed my own personal journey of spirituality, my belief’s evolved and I came to believe that God lives in each one of us and that Universally God is the connection of all of our souls. I make this point why?  A couple of months ago I created the intention to open up my heart, and the Universe did exactly as it always does and gave me some challenges to show me what an open heart was and how to experience it.  These challenges led to a lot of emotional pain and suffering, not surprising as my heart opening required me to deal with and release a lot of deep seated fears. When I was able to release these fears and open my heart I experienced such a deep feeling of love and openness that at times it made me cry with joy.  It was in these moments that I found myself being grateful for the suffering.  One day in my book club I was relaying this story and found myself actually saying “I am so grateful for this pain and suffering”, I could not believe I had uttered those words having admonished many a religious follower for saying them. Upon some further contemplation I could see that it was true, the suffering had brought me closer to God which to me means my soul/true self/spirit/light, (whatever your own word is) by providing me the opportunity to learn and grow.  We had also discussed in book club how actually most of the spiritual and religious teachings all have the same message, we just see things through our own percepticals based on our culture, conditioning, etc. If we could take our percepitcals off for just a few minutes (what I believe is one of the great benefits of meditation) and see with an open heart maybe there would be a lot less suffering in the world.  While I am grateful for the lessons learned through my own pain and suffering I am confident that as I evolve personally and spiritually this pain will lessen.  Can you find a lesson in your pain? Can you learn and grow from it? Then open your heart to receive what your own God has to offer. I say YES YOU CAN!  

(Thanks for sharing this quote Neil, I am borrowing it!)

The Energy of Attraction

All I can say is WOW!  This past week I experienced an example of the energy of attraction both negative and positive that was so profound it left me speechless (well not really because I am never at a loss for words, but you get the picture!)

It began early last week when I was triggered by a situation that arose in my life.  I was aware enough to know that I was reacting, but unable to stop it and very quickly it escalated into a full blown ego episode (fortunately mainly in my own mind and some venting to my Mom).  I then received a second trigger regarding a totally different situation but with the same result   . . .  the energy of negative attraction was in full swing. By the weekend I knew I was in trouble, my mind chatter was non stop; I had resorted to isolating myself and trying to numb my mind with various distractions.  None of this was working.  Sunday morning I awoke with a small amount of clarity and was thankfully able to recognize the fear that was underlying all of my emotion.  This awareness gave me a small amount of peace, but obviously this is a deep seated issue that I have been hanging onto for a LONG time.  Monday was the peak of this emotional fear based cycle (that’s what I am now going to call it for my own reference!).  This was my worst day!  I was unable to work, unable to meditate; walking in nature didn't even help (which just about always does!).  I was suffering!  I have to admit that as someone who has done a lot of personal growth work I was once again humbled by the power of my ego (in this case also known as fear).  It started to crack Monday night when it came to me that much of my suffering was because I was fighting against what I perceived to be the negative emotions of anger, fear, jealously and competitiveness.  I suddenly remembered my teachings on dealing with your shadow and how you need to lean into the pain caused by trying to deny your “dark side”.  Thankfully I was home alone and able to shout:  “okay already, I get it, I am ANGRY, I am SCARED, I am JEALOUS, I am COMPETITIVE”.  Once I acknowledged these emotions, I was able to allow them with compassion, but the next day I was still not out of the woods as I now felt a deep sadness.  Fortunately I was able to share my feelings with someone, he empathized with me having felt many of the same emotions himself, and this helped me to realize we are all suffering together, we are not alone.  By Tuesday night I was feeling a deep sense of peace and knew I had recovered once again.

Part Two - The full realization of what I had just experienced became crystal clear to me the next morning when I randomly opened up the book “The Untethered Soul” to the chapter “Let Go Now or Fall”. Michael Singer described word for word, step by step exactly what had happened to me in the past week and he offered a way out.  I would like to share it with you with the hope that one day it may help you as well.  In this chapter he talks about fear being the underlying cause of all negative emotion (particularly anger, jealousy, etc.). He says “you can do two things with fear: you can recognize that you have it and work to release it, or you can keep it and try to hide from it.” For most of us when we are triggered by something or someone in our life, it activates this fear and we immediately go into protection mode to try and hide it.  We try and control our outer and inner circumstances in order to not feel the pain from this fear.  He goes on to say that in your attempts to protect yourself from your problems you create more problems as negative energy attracts more negative energy.  You begin to feel heavy, like the world is out to get you and you are fighting against life (man could I relate to this, I think I actually said those exact words out loud).  All of this was making so much sense to me, but when he explained that if you do not release this negative energy created from your fears immediately when you are hit (triggered) then it will be VERY difficult to release it later.  I could see so clearly how this had happened to me, I lost my connection with my true self and became lost in the unconsciousness of fear and misery.  Then the magnetic forces of the law of attraction kicked in in full force to continue the cycle.  Fortunately I did not act out any of the scenarios that had played over and over in my mind.  This is how people say things that hurt others and wreck relationships because now they have affected another person’s energy with their own negativity.  Wow!  Wow!  Can you see how this affects the whole world?!  Are we responsible for perpetuating this negative energy? And if so, what can we do to stop this cycle?  

LET IT GO!  Let it go immediately. You know you are triggered when you react, when you blame, when you no longer are taking responsibility for your actions or words, when you find yourself saying too many negative things, when you become obsessed with a person or a situation, when your mind chatter is affecting your life, the list goes on and on. Yes you say, I know exactly what you mean Tracy but what can I do?  The minute you are aware that you have been triggered (usually a physical feeling of tightness in your body around your heart, stomach or throat), acknowledge it, take a deep breath and let it move through you.  Release the negative energy deep inside of you, visualize it moving through your body and dissipating, feel openness in your heart.  This is going to be very difficult if you leave it or have left it for a long time, but you need to persevere.  Here is the flip side to the story. . . The minute I became aware of this fear based energy blockage and released it, I was back in the flow of life.  Phew!  This shift into positive energy not only brought me back to the most glorious peaceful feeling (like when the sun comes out after a rainy day) but also realigned my energy in the universe and attracted all positive things, including peaceful resolution of the two situations that had triggered me.

This brings me to Part Three of my story, this morning as I sat in meditation with Deepak Chopra’s Energy of Attraction series, he was talking about creating an intention for what you desire, it struck me that I had done this a couple of months ago, my intention was:  “To have an open heart”.  Another Wow!  If I had not had this past weeks experience I never would have fully understood what an open heart meant and or felt like.  Once again I am humbled by these teachings and by the power of intention and attraction, but most of all by the divine teacher (my soul) within.  There is nothing that brings me more sadness then seeing my fellow humans suffering with emotional pain brought on by fear.  Watching people struggle against it with defensiveness, deflection, anger, insecurity, self abuse or worse, makes me want to reach out to them.  But I needed to understand it myself in order to be genuine in my empathy, and that makes me eternally grateful for this experience.  What ever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! We are all in this together.

In closing I want to share these words directly from Michael A Singer’s book “The Untethered Soul” because I think they are important for all of us to contemplate.

In speaking about our reactions to our negative energy blocks he says:

“We all know that we’re doing this, but nobody questions it.  We think we’re supposed to figure out how life should be, and then make it that way.  Only someone who looks deeper, and questions why we need the events of life to be a particular way, will question this assumption.  How did we come up with the notion that life is not okay just the way it is, or that it won’t be okay the way it will be?  Who said that the way life naturally unfolds is not all right?  The answer is, fear says so.” 

Figure this out and you will forever be in the natural flow of life and that is a very blissful place to be.  Good luck my fellow travelers on this path, I travel with you in heartfelt gladness and love.  It is not always easy but it is worth it!

What are you yearning for?

Two and a half years ago my life was out of control, I was putting band aids on everything, my work, my marriage, my friendships.  As a strong independent woman I do not like to ask for help, but finally I was compelled to make the call. The first few months of working with my life coach were filled with much emotion and I will never forget one day when she said compassionately “what are you yearning for?”  To be honest at the time I thought it was the “perfect” love relationship as I was struggling in my marriage and using it as an excuse for all my problems.  It took a little less than a year before I realized it was not a love relationship, my work, my friends or my current situation, I was disconnected from my soul.  I am going to step out on a limb here and say that this is probably the case for just about everyone who feels that their life is out of control, unfulfilled or that something is missing.

So what are YOU yearning for?  Some of you might know right now as you read this, others (and you will be the majority) have no idea. But I can promise you this, your soul knows!  You just have to get quiet enough to hear it.  The two easiest ways I have found to reconnect with my soul are meditation and spending time alone in nature.  Both of these practices redirect your energy from outside of yourself to within. No more blaming, its not any situation or person or event that contributes to your suffering and only you will set yourself free. Don’t be scared by this process, it doesn't mean you have to quit your job, lose your friends or move to a far away place.  What I discovered was that by reconnecting with my soul and understanding what it was yearning for – which for me is sharing my love and light, I could bring it into all aspects of my life.  I can share my love and light with my clients in my accounting practice by understanding their challenges, by being fully present when completing their work and by being an active participant in their story. This has helped me understand that my work is not just about putting money in the bank, it is about living authentically. I also brought it into my friendships, when I just loved my friends (without expectations) I understood that people come and go in our lives based on what is going on for them in the moment, it has nothing to do with us and there is no need to take things personally or cling to them.  The peace and contentment I have found through the connection with my soul also does not require me to escape to far off places in search of anything, it is all right here within. My journey started out as a way to find fulfillment in my life, and quite honestly I looked in many different places before I found what was really missing. . . ME.

My wish for all of you is that you will take a step back from the hustle and bustle of “living”, no excuses, no put off’s, just a little quiet time daily to reconnect with yourself.  The gifts that YOU have contained in your beautiful soul can change the world, and I for one want to see them.  I want to see the REAL you, the creative, compassionate, love filled you, not the facsimile you have been carrying around.  Meet me here. . . NOW.

Thanks.

   It is my birthday this week and I have been on this planet for 50 years – a half century! While things have not always been easy they have definitely been worth it.

   To Haley, Cole and Brent, thank you for letting me nurture our family unit – you know that’s what I love and live to do.  You keep me real!

   To my Mom, sisters and Aunty Corry – my sisterhood, you have known me the longest. Over the years sometimes we have been close and sometimes we have not, but I never doubted your love for one minute and always knew you were there for me when I needed you.

   To my inner circle (often referred to as my soul pod), thank you for calling me out when I needed it, but most of all thank you for supporting me no matter what.  You have accepted and loved me through the good and the bad.

   To my extended family, nieces, nephews, sisters and brothers in law, aunts, uncles and cousins, we are sewn together with the thread of family and what a spectacular patch work quilt we make.  Thank you for all of the joy you have brought me!

   To all of the beautiful souls who have graced my life with your presence, whether it was for an hour, a week or much longer I am privileged and honoured that you shared any time with me in this life.

   To my readers and supporters many of whom I have never met.  Thank you for allowing my words and stories into your lives.  If it was possible to meet you all and share some conversation I would so love that . . . maybe one day.

   It is my purpose in this lifetime to connect and share and I am so grateful to have had the past 50 years to live out this destiny.  Move over Betty White because I am going to give you a run for your money in the next 50!!

I am humbled by my life. Love, Tracy

Those incessant THOUGHTS!

Oh what to do about all of those incessant thoughts, running our life, creating havoc all over the place.  And then followed by those intense feelings, taking over our hearts and our minds, making us say and do crazy things. Ah I know it so well as I am sure you do.  But do you remember what you were thinking or feeling at this exact moment, six months ago? how about 2 weeks ago? Probably not, I know I sure don't.  So why do we give these thoughts and feelings so much of our power?

I have been on this journey of self awareness for a few years, but I still get excited every time I am able to garner a little more insight into the oh so interesting workings of the human mind.  What I discovered or at least finally understood this week is that “thoughts” and “feelings” are just transient objects floating through my consciousness.  This realization was very helpful in letting go of some obsessive thinking I was engaging in.  When I said to myself “Tracy, these are just thoughts and feelings, they are not truths, they are not reality” I was freed from the hold they had on me. Thus I created the mantra below; to remind me when I catch my mind going off on an incessant thought tangent.  Hope it brings some freedom to you my lovely readers!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Difficult Conversations

In the past month I have had to have a lot of "difficult" conversations with some friends and family members.  I say "difficult" because this is new ground for me. For many years I did not want to have these potentially conflict containing conversations because they were uncomfortable for me.  Instead I would keep my feelings to myself, trying to resolve them in my own mind and often (in hindsight) hanging onto a lot of anger and resentment (quite often directed at myself).  On my journey to connect with my true self, I realized this was not being authentic. I had created a persona which I believed in my mind was really ME, but indeed it was not.  Striving to be perfect (my version of perfect) had become a win at all costs proposition.  My competitive nature (mainly with myself) set the bar high and I was only too happy to play the game.  But I considerably underestimated the energy required for this sport and thus began my quest to better use this energy to be true to myself. Slowly but surely I am learning to have these "difficult" conversations, which are really just about me sharing my TRUE feelings with another in an honest and straightforward manner.  Not taking anything personally, not trying to change anyone's opinion and not being attached to the outcome. While I still sometimes come away feeling conflicted (this Libra girl much prefers Harmony), I always know that I have been authentic and ultimately that is what is important to me.  The struggle to not allow another to affect how we feel about ourselves is real and often life long, but it does not have to hold us hostage.  Living authentically in as many moments as possible allows us to shine our own unique light and as those moments become more and more frequent so our life becomes brighter and brighter!

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge . . . love it or hate it, everyone has an opinion.

In the last week I have watched the ALS ice bucket challenge gain strength and have been fascinated by how the world has responded to it.  I am no anthropologist, but I love human behavior so have been observing with much interest.  Everyone seems to have an opinion about it, you either love it and embrace it, hate it and try and deflect or control it or are ambivalent.  What I see with my “percepticals” (love this word I picked up from a recent article I read which means we all see things from our own perception) is that basic human need of being seen, heard and valued. For me my own inner dialogue around it went something like this: “wow isn't that awesome that my friend nominated me, he must really like me (okay I wavered back and forth on this one given that it was very cold outside!), of course I will do it, I have to, there are expectations of me and I don’t want to let anyone down.  And of course we need to record it on video so that everyone can see that I did it AND I want to be part of something that is good and inspiring.”  While my intentions were in the right place, I can see that in large part my response was based on my need to be seen, heard and valued.  So what is the dialogue for the haters?  Or the uninterested?  I don’t know because I am not one of them, but my perception as a watcher would be that they also want to be seen, heard and valued they just have a different perspective.  Because of their own “percepticals” they may want to shift attention to a different cause, have their own belief’s around charities, they may not want to openly share their opinion (this doesn't mean they don’t have one!) or feel that it is silly and childish.  In any case what I find so interesting is all of the differing opinions which stem from the same source.  I love opinions, I have them, I share them, I love to hear others, I love to debate but at the end of the day I hope everyone walks away having learned a little, maybe grown a little and ultimately felt seen, heard and valued.

What I learned from being an observer of this phenomenon; I am in awe of the expansive creativity that the human consciousness is capable of.  I am inspired by the connection that it created in the global brain – the internet via social media.  I am fascinated by the human need to try and control the outcome of something that is not theirs to control. I am encouraged by the large number of people who have spoken out either for or against as discussion is the only real path to growth and change. 

Opinion on my friends!!

(If you are finding yourself getting defensive about others opinions or are trying too hard to convince someone that yours is right you may want to read my post “The need to be seen heard and valued” – April 2, 2014)

Resisting and Clinging

Isn't it interesting how we so readily jump on the merry go round of resisting and clinging? Can we not just BE? Ah such is the human condition. I have been on this merry go round a few times and the best way I know to get off is to go to AA!!  AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE. We can’t change anything without the awareness that it is actually going on, so that is the first step.  Becoming aware of what you are resisting and what you are clinging to in itself will give you a lot of freedom, but the suffering part is only eradicated by acceptance of what is.  Acceptance of the present moment and all that that entails; the good, the bad, the challenging and the ease, it just IS.  We generally resist and cling based on our own perception of how things “should” be, either in the past, present or future.  We need to remember that WE created these perceptions in our own minds based on our own experiences.  But that does not mean that they have to remain our reality; we can change these perceptions any time we want.  I am not saying that if we do we will never again resist or cling; I have been around long enough to know that as well! But I also know from my own experience that we can significantly decrease the amount of energy we expend on it.  A little self examination may be in order to understand why we are triggered by certain people, things and events.  For example, one thing that always triggers me is boredom.  I seem to have created the perception that I need to be busy all the time, so when I am not, I begin resisting it. I start trying to control things, filling my time with meaningless projects/events hoping that it will make me feel better.  Well guess what? It doesn't!  When I checked in with myself I realized that I had created this perception in my childhood, where there was always an expectation that you should be DOING something (as is the case in many Western culture families and I am sure I have given my own children this burden to bear!).  Many of us feel unproductive, lazy, bored, like we are bad people just because we are doing nothing (one day I will share my thoughts on the art of doing nothing).  As is always the case once I became AWARE of this thought pattern and then understood it, I was free to ACCEPT it.  No more resisting . . . for now!  The same works for clinging, I've been there too, wanting to hang onto a feeling, a person, an event. I think the most important thing to remember is that the harder we try NOT to do something, ie. resisting or clinging the more it persists and the more grief it sends our way,  that’s why the practice of awareness and acceptance is so important.  In my experience it is the only way! Maybe one day it will become my natural way of being, until then I will keep going to AA!! Hope to see you there :)

The Ultimate (Self) Pity Party.

I am very familiar with the self pity party having attended a few in my day.  I know it well, it’s a party for one that starts out with a lot of blaming and turns into; I am a bad mother, I am a bad friend, I am a bad wife, I am a bad person very quickly.  For me this party is usually a short one, but I do know sometimes they can go on for days, weeks or months.  These are the kind of  crappy party’s no one wants to go to and yet unfortunately we all do.

My most recent pity party lasted just about a week and to be honest I was struggling.  Having had quite a few months of bliss thanks to a spiritual growth spurt, I was caught off guard and thought I would be better equipped to handle this rough patch (ah the power of the ego).  Of course I tried my usual party tricks of distraction; watching mindless TV, eating bad food, not going out and as usual they did not work.  Then I tried analysis, Why am I feeling this? How could I have handled that better? Why am I not motivated?  A month ago I was totally happy living from my true self, being in the present moment, just living and being. What I learned from this is never underestimate the power of the mind/ego or the emotional debris we all have stored away in our hearts.  I was able to maintain my awareness through all of this and could “see” what was going on, but it was taking me longer.  When I did become aware I used Michael Singer’s technique from The Untethered Soul of “Relax and Release”.  When I felt the emotions rising I would breathe into them and relax and allow them to pass through me.  But this was obviously a little more powerful and didn’t want to release the way I would have liked!!  Thankfully one night I picked up Deepak Chopra’s Book of Secrets (that I keep on my nightstand for just these moments) and opened it up.  Right there on the page I opened he described a process for clearing emotional debris.  His method was to ALLOW the emotion, FEEL it and FOLLOW it all the way to the END.  This worked for me!  I allowed the pity party, I felt the pain of it and I followed it all the way to the end.  At the end I found the most wonderful thing. . . . my true self.  I am not a bad friend, I have so much love in my heart for all of humanity, I am not a bad mother, I have an amazing relationship with both of my children (even though I am sure I made plenty of mistakes) and I am not a bad person, I have a beautiful soul with so much love to share.  It was all there the whole time this party was going on (in my mind only) I just needed to uncover it.  . AGAIN! Spiritual/personal growth is an amazing journey but we need to understand that we still live in this human form.  I learned the importance of staying connected to my true self/soul, but I also learned that there will be times in my human existence that I may lose this connection.  I see now that these are all opportunities for growth and keep me inspired to continue on this path.  We are all spiritual beings living in a human form and everything that entails, so we may as well accept it, work with it and ultimately ENJOY it all!

Here’s hoping the next pity party you attend will be crashed early by your beautiful soul!!

xo

Tracy

Intuition. . . your guide to clarity, focus, awareness and love.

This past weekend as I was cleaning out a closet I found a picture I had painted 7 years ago while visiting my artist Aunt (I myself am not much of an artist!).  I had totally forgot about even painting this picture but what struck me was that a short time ago during a meditation I was doing we were asked to create an image in our mind of something we would like to manifest.  I immediately had an image of me standing on a veranda of a tropical house looking out to the ocean in front of me, drinking a cup of coffee and feeling totally peaceful and content.  I remember at the time saying “I know I will have that one day, I don’t know when or how or where but someday I will be standing in that exact spot and I will remember this image”.  When I found the painting, I was amazed to see that it was an exact (and I use that term loosely) replica of my minds image.  I am not surprised that this image keeps coming up for me, but I now have a better understanding of why.  In my quest to get better acquainted and connected to my true self I am now seeing the fruits of that labour.

I often say that we “know” things at the deepest level of ourselves, the problem is that we often don’t listen or trust this inner guidance.  I only know this because I have experienced it!.  We are often so busy trying to find the answers in our “mind” constantly thinking. . . Why? When? Where? Who? How? That we don’t realize we already have the answers we are just unable to access them. Believe me I know this is not as easy as it sounds and has taken me some time to figure it out, but if I can do it so can you!  For me meditation was the window through which I saw that it was possible to go beyond my thinking mind.  I found my true self in the awareness behind my thoughts.  Once I was able to access the unlimited power of my soul I learned to trust it (not easy either and significantly improved with the assistance of my life coach).  For me this inner guidance has been invaluable.  It has deepened my relationships, brought focus to my work and personal life, given me clarity in making decisions, allows me to remain calm in stressful situations and has even improved my golf game!  By being connected to my true self I am also able to be authentic in all of my communications and this has been so important to me.  In the past I often felt shame, guilt, fear, resentment and anger at MYSELF but instead projected this onto others.  I often came away from interactions wishing I would have said something different or not said it at all.  Or in order to avoid having to look at my own issues I would just blame someone else.  None of this felt good and only made me feel less and less fulfilled. I am happy to say that now I quite often find myself feeling PROUD of the way I have handled situations and conversations and always come away feeling good.  And if I don’t feel good at least I know I have been authentic and had the best intention (sometimes people don’t like what your authentic self has to say-their problem not yours) and I am good with that too!  My religious sister would say that the Holy Spirit is working and speaking through me and she is right, (even though we have different words and beliefs) it is my own Holy Spirit, my beautiful soul that has been uncovered.  And when we are connected to our souls/true selves we become fulfilled in a way that elevates our energetic vibration and positively affects the whole world.  Do you want to connect to your true self?  Feel fulfilled and content?  Be able to fully access your own intuition?  Do you want to live in a peaceful space? Get quiet, relax and breathe, let your heart guide you and do one thing today that feels right just for you.  It is never too late to start your own journey. 

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Self Employed or Considering It? Please read.

I usually write on this blog about my personal journey but today I felt inclined to share a little bit of my business life.  Having worked corporate jobs for 20 years, the idea of having my own business had never occurred to me.  When I left my last corporate job in 2005, I was offered an opportunity to start a home based business and now would never even consider working for someone else.  After operating a few different types of businesses, I found I had a passion for entrepreneurs and small business owners. The course of my life led me to doing some part time accounting work, which then turned into a full time career/business. In the corporate world I had always worked in the financial sector, so I was able to use some of these same skills and transfer them to my new business venture.  I always tell people to look at their skill set when considering new employment or business opportunities.  For example a stay at home mom has learned skills that can be used in many occupations.  She has learned to organize, mediate, work under pressure, supervise, support. . . . Do you see where I am going with this?  Never underestimate the skills that your life has provided!

The life of the self employed is not always an easy one, but it is worth it.  Probably the single most challenging thing we all deal with is what I refer to as “feast or famine”, that is we are not happy when times are slow and we are equally as unhappy when we are too busy!  Over the years I have thankfully gotten much better at dealing with the highs and lows.  I attribute much of this to my meditation and mindfulness practices from my personal life.  That is another interesting thing about the life of the self employed; there is very little separation between work and personal.  Keep in mind most of us are pursuing our passions so work doesn't always feel like work.  While it is important to have a balance in all aspects of life, it is more about being aware of what we need and when (such are the benefits of mindfulness).  

When I first struck out on my own it was a little disconcerting, I became caught up in the hours of work and playing the numbers game.  I often spent hours in my office being unproductive and going over and over my “numbers”.  All this served to do was make me more apprehensive about whether or not I was going to be successful.  With the assistance of my life and business coach I became aware of this pattern of behavior which was a huge turning point for me.  Then I did the single most important thing I have every done for my business, or maybe I should say for MYSELF. I did a business analysis; the one thing I encourage all of my clients to do, but had not done myself!  Going through this process allowed me to see that the work was the work, one way or another it always got done and I was making a living at it.  I could see that year over year I was growing at a reasonable rate and I was also happily maintaining a work/life balance.  Was this not the ultimate measure of success?  Absolutely!  It allowed me to let go of the numbers, to trust that the work would be there when I needed it and to enjoy the slow times just a little bit! The second part of this business analysis was determining who my ideal client was.  When I was stressing about a shortage of work my coach would say “what do you need?” and I would always say “I need more clients”. Then one day she said “how many do you need?”  I thought for a minute and I said “I don’t need more I just need the RIGHT clients”.  So who is the right client for me?  I came up with 3 things that were important to me.  1.  They had to need my services and value what I did.  2.  They needed to pay me a fair price and in a timely fashion.  3.  I had to like them and want to work with them.  Again this process was amazingly helpful. I actually did turn business down because the client did not meet my criteria and I have never been sorry about it. For every client I said no to I had at least one or two more that I said yes to.  Many of us business owners never really stop to ask ourselves what type of client we actually want.  Did you ever ask yourself why there are so many people doing the same thing and are all successful?  It is because we all attract a different type of clientele based on our own personalities and the way we do business as an individual.  Even in a large corporation, the culture of the business and the clients they attract will largely be based on the top level of management or ownership.  So instead of always looking for some ”thing” that sets you apart, try creating your own culture that is based on who YOU are. People are drawn to authenticity, so if you operate from a place that is authentic to you, you will attract the “right” client for your business.  I remember one night in my business women’s group one of the gals, said to me “you would go somewhere else if you could get a better price” and I said “no actually I wouldn't”.  I am what I call a “loyal” client, if I receive good service and I like the person or people I am dealing with I won’t even look anywhere else.  For me it is all about the relationship!   Sound familiar?  Exactly what I want in my own clients is the type of client I am.  If you know what you value for yourself, you will know who your ideal client is.  So instead of looking for the next hot trend or taking another business course, find what your passionate about, figure out a way to make money doing it (even if it is part time or seems like a hobby sometimes, because we all do need money to live and sometimes have to work for someone else while we pursue our dreams on the side) and then let things unfold.  Just keep doing it for the love of it!  Offer the same level or type of service that you would expect, maintain your integrity and don’t compromise your own ideals based on other peoples perceptions or business models. Take any advice you are offered and decide for yourself if it feels right for YOU. Just because someone else has been successful using a certain “strategy”, ie social media, print advertising, networking, etc does not mean it is right for your business.  Part of being a successful business owner and what I love about entrepreneurial people is their ability to use their own creativity and make their own decisions even when it may seem crazy to others.  Forge your own path!

As I read back on this post, again I see that my business and personal lives are really one and the same.  The same philosophies I practice in my personal life are the same ones I practice in my business life.  Staying true to myself, being authentic in my communications, always being mindful and aware, and allowing everyone in my life whether they are my friends, or business partners to pursue their journey in their own unique way.  I guess that is MY unique gift!  What is your unique gift? How can you share it in your own unique way? Find the passion and courage deep in your heart and share it with the world!!

Happiness.

What does happiness mean to you?  It is the one thing that every human being on the planet seeks.  Billions of dollars are spent trying to acquire it; lives are lost fighting for it; people and situations are blamed for the lack of it and a tremendous amount of our own personal energy is ultimately expended looking for it.  The last few months have been some of the happiest of my life and I have to be honest it really is not that complicated.  It didn’t cost me any money (okay maybe a few dollars on books, candles, coffee, wine, food, music), I didn’t have to blame anyone or anything and the energy I put into making myself happy has been given back to me ten fold. First of all let me say that you will never find happiness looking outside yourself.  You won’t find it in another person, you won’t find it in exotic trips, you won’t find it in a new job or a new house, you will only find it in your own heart. I have always been a seeker which has led me to study many different philosophies, which I am grateful for, but in the end it was my own divine teacher (my soul) that taught me the most. Through meditation, yoga and coaching I learned to connect to my body, learn from my emotions and have gotten to know myself on an intimate level.  I have learned to listen to my true self, be authentic in all of my communications and interactions and accept all that life sends my way. I have found joy in the simplest of things, morning coffee on my deck, practising yoga and dancing (often by myself), sharing a bottle of wine, good food and conversation with a friend, reading inspiring books (and sometimes a trashy novel!), hanging out with my kids, connecting with my soul pod and walking my dog in the forest or just petting him on my lap.  I remember the days when I was planning big trips, climbing the corporate ladder, shopping, organizing parties, filling my life with superficial things hoping they would bring me happiness.  Sometimes it brought me short term pleasure, but ultimately I still felt that deep yearning for something more.  Turns out that something more was actually something less! Fall in love with yourself, live from your authentic self, share your gifts, have faith and move in the flow of life, those have been my keys to happiness. Oh yes and LOVE, love yourself, share that love with others and above all LOVE your life. . . .every minute of it!

Join me for the FREE Oprah & Deepak Chopra meditation series on

“Expanding your Happiness”

Starts August 11, 2014 Register for free at:  www.chopracentermeditation.com

Your TRUTH is YOUR truth.

I follow author Jeff Brown on Facebook (facebook/soulshaping) and today while reading one of the comments on his post I was inspired to reply.  What inspired me was a need to clarify for us all, that one person’s truth in this moment in time is their truth alone.  Having the courage to share their experience through words, photos, painting, singing, dancing should not be judged based on our own perception. These “sharings” (not really a word, but I like it) are meant to be an expression of someone’s life journey and we need to appreciate that.  Can we voice our own opinion, agree or disagree, share our own experience of a similar thing?  Absolutely! But do we have the right to suggest that another person should change their own truth to suit our needs? Absolutely not! Such is the beauty of art in all forms, some of us respond to certain things and others to different things.  As a writer, I write from my heart what is my truth and my own experience.  My goal is to share with you in the hope that something I say may help you along your own personal life journey.  But I know there are lots of people who will not understand, or “get” what I am saying.  There are also lots of people who will flat out disagree and that’s okay.  I love that there are so many people out there sharing their stories, it is what helps me to learn and to grow.  We all process information in different ways and understand meaning at different times, that’s why you can pick up a book and not be able to get into it and two years later it is life changing for you. Or someone says something over and over (so true in yoga) and finally it just clicks.  Isn’t this great?!  It speaks to our ability to grow and learn.  The important part is that we remain open, open to receiving what we need at the time.  Allow what resonates to settle in and let go of what does not.  And maybe just maybe what does not resonate will come back to you later and you will say “ah. . . I get why I could not see that before”.  Now that is progress and isn’t that what this is all about?

Spiritual Evolution

I just spent the weekend with my Aunt and as always we had many wonderful conversations about life, love, relationships and personal growth.  She introduced the words “spiritual evolution” into one of our discussions and it quickly became our go to phrase.  We can become so focussed on how we are different from others and see them as separate from us.  But the reality is we are all connected through our energy source and while we may be at different points in our spiritual evolution we are all still the same. At a recent meditation retreat I attended the teacher made the statement that when we look with our eyes (at others) we see only differences, these can be physical, mental and emotional attributes, but when we close our eyes and look with our hearts we are all the same.  As I sat in that room of 40+ people I tried it and he was right!  Now when I catch myself looking at someone and seeing differences I close my eyes and look with my heart.  Regardless of our culture, our bank account, our clothes, our car, we all want to be happy, to love and be loved, to be safe and healthy and to live our life fully.  The truth is when we are living from our authentic self we attract others into our life that are part of our path, regardless of where we are in our spiritual evolution at that time.  And as each one of us continues to evolve, people and situations will come and go as our energy shifts.  This may be the answer to why it is so difficult for many of us to “let go”.  When we understand that all of our experiences and relationships become part of our evolution then we can let go and move forward. The fact is that evolution is part of universal law, there is no use fighting it we need to embrace it.  Be okay with change, let go of what we need to, be open to what comes to us, feel instead of think our way and allow our spiritual evolution to unfold in its own unique beautiful way.

Namaste – The divinity in me honours the divinity in you.

Change and Flow.

There is nothing more certain in life then change, other than death and taxes (hehe)! The trick I am finding on dealing with all of the changes in my life is flow.  We can so easily get caught up in the trap of trying to fight change, fearing change, waiting for change or desiring change that we lose sight of the reason for change.  Change is growth; if nothing ever changes it is also never growing.  Just take a look around you, in nature everything is always changing and growing, in the world of science there are always new discoveries, technology is ever changing and growing (like it or not), we as a human species are changing and growing (in some parts of the world more so than others, sadly). So why our love hate relationship with change?  One of the big things is definitely fear, when something changes the outcome is unknown and there is nothing we hate more then uncertainty as it challenges our safety.  This fear manifests itself as control, we try and control the situation, the person, the event, which only causes us a huge amount of suffering and most times does not lead to the outcome we are so attached to anyway. Another thing that holds us back from making changes is courage, the courage to stand up to the unknown and have faith that we will be okay.  The courage to trust our own intuition, to do what is best for ourselves and the greater good, or to step outside the “norms” of society.  Courage can be cultivated one small step at a time, but we often think we need to take a REALLY big step before we are ready and this keeps us paralyzed.  And so the struggle continues . . . . we are either fighting against change or endlessly wishing for it.  I think the answer lies in  “flow”, which I always picture as a creek; the water continues to move along the creek bed, rolling over rocks, around trees, providing nourishment for plants and animals and playing its own song. No matter what challenges are thrown in its path, sometimes it is overflowing, sometimes it is just about dry, sometimes it gets damned up by debris or man, but through it all it continues to flow in its own way on its own path.  There is no fear, no lack of courage, it just is.  So if we take a page from the creeks book, then no matter what changes life gives us or if we chose to make those changes on our own,  life will go on.  It may be rough, it may seem insurmountable at times, it may be blissful and without a doubt there will be someone or something that tries to dam us up, but through it all if we just allow the experience of  change to wash over us, to accept it and flow with it, we will significantly reduce our suffering.  We can provide nourishment to others by saying “we are okay with change because we welcome growth”,  and we can sing a song of hope for the many who remain stuck in their patterns of fear and control.  Together we flow through life like a creek, ever changing, ever growing, enjoying the ride!

Sharing our Gifts.

This past weekend I attended a Buddhist meditation retreat on Dream Yoga it was amazing! I had not sat with a teacher for a few years and it was great to receive the wisdom and teachings.  I will admit I went into it a little hesitantly as I had not sat and I mean literally "sat" (you sit for long periods of time in Buddhist meditation practice) for quite awhile.  I am happy to report that I had no problems at all with 9 hours (total, not in a row) of "sitting". All of my trepidation was dispensed when Geshe YongDong began teaching, I was so fascinated and eager to practice I forgot about my physical body pain. (Although I did indulge in nightly epsom salt baths!!) 

By the end of the weekend I was fully aware of why I attended this retreat and had definitely received what was meant for me.  So grateful for this!  I am sure you will all receive my interpretation of these teachings through my blog posts as time goes on, but I did want to share one thing that struck me about the retreat.  It became obvious during the discussion time that each participant was at a different point on their spiritual journey (which I also call my life journey as I feel it is one and the same).  It was interesting how one person would ask a question and when the Geshe did not fully understand it another person would try and "interpret" it for him in a different way hoping it would assist him.  Because of this process I believe everyone was able to squeeze just a little more out of the teachings.  It also made me realize that the wisdom and knowledge that I have is very valuable as is the wisdom and knowledge of everyone.  We never know when our way of saying something will resonate with another and help them on their life journey.  I have always been a believer that everyone needs to find their own way to fulfillment, but I also know that we each have a unique way in which we say/view/see/understand things.  Many times the Geshe would say "this is how I see it, or this is how I understand it, maybe that works for you, maybe it doesn't" but the fact was that he was sharing it and I appreciated that and got from it what I needed (based on the point that I am at).  Speaking my truth and uncovering my authentic self has been a journey for me and is a big reason why I started this blog.  I have definitely come a long way which I am grateful for and happy that this weekend reinforced to me why I need to continue on this journey.  I am using my gift as a writer to share my experiences with you, maybe you will find them helpful or maybe you won't. Maybe you will re read different posts and find new meaning in them or maybe you won't. Either way you are here and present which means you are on the path and interested,  which I so appreciate and honor. With that in mind, if at any time you would like to ask me a question or run something by me that you are struggling with, I will do my best to share with you what I know (email tracyswisdomtree@gmail.com). Maybe it will help you and maybe it won't, no attachment :).  

Thanks for the teaching Geshe YongDong! 

Visit Geshe YongDong’s Tibetan Bon Buddhist Centre’s website at: www.sherabchammaling.com

Thanks to Yoga MCC for hosting this event.

www.yogamcc.com

Lesson learned!

This past week I was faced with a challenging situation that caused me to react and want to strike back.  Fortunately my body awareness alerted me to this when I felt a gripping sensation in my belly.  I was also able to discuss it with a friend who let me vent and offered me some good wisdom.  In my reactive state I said "I feel that she does not value my integrity" to which my friend replied "no Tracy its not YOUR integrity that she doesn't value, she doesn't value INTEGRITY at all". Wow thanks!  This allowed me to not take the matter personally, it also allowed me to see that I had a choice as to whether or not I wanted to do business with someone who did not value integrity. It was then up to me to decide if I wished to continue a business relationship that did not align with my values.  I was able to make this decision not out of anger and frustration but from a choice I made a few years ago to only do business with people who valued my services, paid a fair price for them and that I liked as a person. I know that if I had made the decision in my anger state I would have beat myself up about it later.  I would have thought I could have said something differently, or been more accommodating and on and on.  Because I was able to take a step back and figure it out I was able to respond (not react) with an appropriate action.  I also realized that in the past when I had been too accommodating and then faced my own wrath, it was because I was trying to "force" the outcome by having the other person see it my way.  Then when they did not I would feel as if I had done something wrong.  Crazy!  Oh the stories we tell ourselves!!  So thankful for this lesson and all of my lessons. . . .just wanted to share :)            

Heart Thinking

Most spiritual traditions teach about the duality of the human condition, the reality that you are not your thinking mind, and that the real or authentic you resides in your heart.  Every day along my own spiritual journey I become more and more aware of this reality.  As I learn to quiet my mind in meditation and listen to my heart I become more at peace and less likely to get caught up in my emotions, so I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on the whole listening to my heart thing.  I have had many experiences that have shown me that my happiness is dependent on me following my heart not my mind. However, I continue to have challenges quieting my mind and stopping the obsessive thinking in my everyday life. The other day when I became very aware of this fact I thought wouldn't it be great if all of our "thoughts" could come from our heart instead of our mind.  I don't mean the intuitive answers that come as a result of our meditation practise or other forms of surrender, I mean our every day thoughts.  We all know and the psychological research will prove that our minds obsessive thoughts are mostly negative, but the thoughts that come from our hearts are positive.  If this was possible we could change the "mind thoughts" from "your not enough, you need to work harder, they don't like you, your not good looking enough, your not smart enough, to the "heart thoughts" of "you are fabulous just the way you are, you are loved, you will always be happy, you are successful, you are gorgeous, you have so many gifts to offer". Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if everyone "thought" with their heart instead of their mind? Now I know this is a lofty goal, and some people will call me a Polly Anna, an idealist, a crackpot or even crazy, and that's okay.  I know that no real change or growth has ever come from staying and/or "thinking" inside the box.  The limits need to be pushed, and I am always happy to push them. Are you? Would you be willing to commit to a regular meditation practise? Or take daily walks in nature? What about sitting in a beautiful garden for 30 minutes a day? Or maybe practise Yoga or Tai Chi? How about using your creative ability to paint, draw, sing, play, write?  All of these things lead to connecting with your heart with your true self.  They also lead to a feeling of connection with the rest of humanity and that says to me that if we change our own behaviour we are actually changing the world. So if you are a little bit crazy like me and want to do your part to contribute to change lets all give it a go!  The Heart Thinking Movement is born!

 

**I wrote this post last night and this morning I happened upon this teaching from the Dalai Lama and thought it was fitting to share on this post**

 

"Changes in the world come from individuals, from the inner peace in individual hearts.  Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects"

Mindfulness – Tracy Style

It has been 6 years since I took my first Mindfulness Meditation course and I am finally starting to understand what “mindfulness” really is.  It goes to show you how every step along this journey of life is really just a stepping stone to the next one!  All of the information that I have gathered over the years has finally settled into my body and mind and allowed me to feel it on a deeper level.  I am so grateful for every teacher I have had along the way.  I wanted to share this experience with you for many reasons but not the least of which is – don’t give up!  Keep at it, keep reading, keep researching, keep listening and keep doing.  You never know when it will settle into YOUR heart and that moment could be just around the corner.  

                                                           Here is my story . . .

When I first started practicing mindfulness meditation we were taught to watch our thoughts, pay attention to our breath and scan our body.  As a newbie I did all of this and felt quite competent at it, little did I know at the time that I was doing all of this from an intellectual viewpoint (from my head).  The next step during our “training” was to be mindful of everyday experiences, ie. mindfully brushing our teeth, mindfully eating our food, mindfully washing the dishes, etc.  Again I did all of this and again I felt quite competent (I am an overachiever!).  I continued my practice and watched my thoughts, I started labeling them and did end up learning a lot of things about myself and my belief’s and was able to make changes that brought me much happiness.  Over the next few years, my meditation practice came and went, but I continued to be interested and continued to study; reading, doing yoga, discussing and reflecting.  I look back on this part of my life and see that I was kind of coasting, enjoying my new found happiness and allowing it to settle in.  But as is always the case during these “transition” phases of the journey eventually the newness wears off and we need to proceed to the next phase.  I  was in a bit of denial about moving on, I was having a good time, pushing the limits, living life to the fullest, but something was missing and I knew that at the deepest part of myself. With some help from my coach I came back to the practices that I knew would bring me the peace and answers I was seeking.  I began a regular meditation practice again, but this time it felt different.  This time I wasn't doing it from an intellectual place; I was doing it from my heart.  I had learned the proper techniques, now it was time to put them into action for a different reason.  Very quickly I began to see many benefits, clearer thinking, deep listening, peaceful, grounded and much less likely to get caught up in my emotions.  After six months of strict regular practice all of my experience was put to the test as I faced the end of my 25 year marriage and all of the decisions that needed to be made around that as well as many decisions relating to changes in my business. Through all of this I managed to maintain the same clear thinking, the deep listening and the peaceful grounded feeling.  I started to see that being “mindful” was really about being “aware”, being the silent observer of my life and myself.  As each challenge was thrown at me I became an observer of my emotions.  I watched my reactions, I watched how it felt in my body, I didn't judge it, I didn't try and analyze it, I just allowed it.  And when it passed over (as it always does) the decisions and answers became easy – it was the path of least resistance.  This doesn't mean that I didn't have moments of frustration, sadness, anger and fear, I absolutely did!  But I did not allow them to take over, by seeing and acknowledging that I had a right to all of these feelings and by knowing that they would pass, I was able to accept them on a level I had not been able to in the past.  Going through something very difficult or stressful is often what pushes us to surrender.  I could succumb to the overwhelming emotions or I could surrender to “myself” to the present moment, to what I knew deep inside.  I had learned to trust the knowingness of my soul and I knew that everything would work itself out just the way it needed to.  This experience is open to every one; you just need to open up to it.  Open your mind, open your heart, be mindful, watch for opportunities and then make a choice.  Choose you, choose what best serves you and the higher good, and choose what feels right deep in your heart.  Bringing peace into your own heart brings peace into the world. Together we can make a difference. . . . one “mindful” peaceful heart at a time!

Lost or Searching?

One day I was helping a friend who was going through a rough patch and feeling a little lost.  I said to him “you’re not lost your searching, because if you’re lost you are waiting for someone to find you, if you are searching you will find your own way”.  I didn’t fully realize the profoundness of this statement until later.  Next time you find yourself feeling “lost” keep this in mind.  Are you waiting for an event to happen that will make you happier? If someone in your life could just see it your way that would change everything? If you made more money you would then be able to pursue your dreams?  All of these questions are examples of being “lost”.  You are waiting for something outside of yourself to improve your circumstances.  In my experience this only leads to pain and suffering.  I used to be one of those people who was always planning, planning what I was going to say, planning what I was going to do, planning where I was going to go, planning planning, planning.  Thanks to my mindfulness meditation practise this pattern became very clear to me as I sat in silence and watched my thoughts.  What I learned from them was that I was not happy in the present.  It has been a work in progress but I can happily say that I have changed this pattern and am now able to fully enjoy and live in the moment. . . .No more PLANNING!! I attribute this success to my ability to “search”, I wasn’t lost, I knew I could find my own way.  Yes I did have some great teachers, friends and coaches along the way, but I did the work, I found my way.  That’s what searching is all about.  As happy soul seekers, we all want to share what has worked for us with the hope that others will find their way to peace, contentment and happiness in every moment.  Again, in my experience everyone must find their own way.  It is still good to share your successful tools, that’s why we have had all the great teachers and guru’s who have given us the teachings, but we all still need to find the one that resonates with us.  There are more options now than ever before to find your way, with an increase in Eastern philosophies moving into the West.  When you are “lost” in the forest searching for your way out what is your plan?  Imagine this scenario and see what your “go to” strategy is and use this same strategy to set about a plan for bringing the happiness, peace, contentment or whatever your wishes are into your life.  You can do it.  You can find your own way. . . .keep searching, pay attention to your instincts, be aware, take some risks, stay the course, and you will get out of that forest!!

Tragedy

Last week we experienced a horrible tragedy in the city I live in.  Five university students were stabbed to death by a fellow classmate at an end of the year house party. This is the largest mass murder in our city’s history and particularly hard because all five victims and the accused are in their early 20’s.  Everyone in the city was stunned and heartbroken. It hit my family close to home when we found out that my daughter went to school with 4 of the 5 victims.  We are all struggling with our feelings and coming to terms with the loss and senselessness of it all.  While we try and deal with our emotions around this event, I am struck by the need to join together.  There is an energy that surrounds tragedy and disasters that can help us heal if we allow and participate in it.  As is always the case, first of all we need to acknowledge our emotions and feelings, this is not the time to put on a brave face.  Whatever we are feeling; sadness, anger, disillusionment, confusion, frustration, disbelief. . . .these are all legitimate emotions.  Acknowledgement and acceptance is the beginning, the next step is to share.  Share your feelings, your words, your tears, your stories, your heart with others who are struggling. This shared experience creates the energy necessary for healing.  While it is natural to want answers, the how the why, I can’t help but think that even if or when we do get these answers they will be of little comfort.  The result will not be changed, our feelings may be replaced by different ones but the reality remains the same. Compassion for the parents, friends and family of these young people, for the accused and his family, for the others at the party who witnessed the horror is our natural reaction.  This compassion is healthy and necessary for them and for ourselves.  As we all struggle to deal with this tragedy, the only words that keep coming into my heart are. . . . JOIN TOGETHER.

My condolences to all of the people directly affected by this tragedy, my hope is that time will heal your wounded hearts and love heal your broken spirits. Our thoughts are with you.