First of all sorry my
friends for being away from my blog for so long, the process of selling our
family home and finding a new one for myself was not only time consuming but
also emotional. I am happy to report that I have made it to the other side and
am looking forward to finalizing the transition some time in February!
As I become more and more comfortable living from my
authentic self, I am fascinated by so many aspects of our human existence. One thing that has captivated me over the
past few weeks is being aware of the human communication process. As I get better and better at no longer taking things personally or making assumptions I feel I am able to have a more “true”
communication with others, or at least that is what I thought. What I learned is that no matter how
authentic your own communication is you have no idea how it is being
perceived. This became clear to me when
on several occasions my friends would say that I said something specific. Immediately I thought “I don’t think that’s
what I said” and wondered why and how that could happen. I began to realize that we “hear” what others
say based on what is going on in our own minds at that particular time. I began to be aware of this in my conversations
and could often recognize it in another.
Of course at this point I didn't recognize it in myself!! One day my daughter was telling me about a
dream that she had, at the time I was very preoccupied with how my children
were feeling about their Mom starting to date. When she finished her story I
said “wow isn't that interesting how your dream seems to signify how you feel
about me dating and your trying to protect me?”
(Boy was I wrong and thankfully my daughter was able to point this out
to me right away!) She replied, “Mom it has nothing to do with you it was about
ME” (thanks sweetie!) Luckily I was
aware enough to recognize that I had just done exactly the same thing that I
was observing in others. I loved this
experience because it was humbling and I learned so much from it. It made me realize that often I was putting
my own spin on what others were saying and considering this reality when in
fact it was only MY reality. I also
understood that when others are challenging me on one of my opinions or
views, it is their reality and not mine (don’t take it
personally!). I still always give
consideration to others opinions and views because often there is something I
can learn, but fortunately I no longer take them as gospel. I give them consideration and contemplation
but at the end of the day I honor what feels right for ME. Self love and feeling comfortable with who you are gives you the confidence to know that you are
being authentic in your communication and that your intention comes from love,
how this is perceived by others is out of our control. This took me a long time to learn as I used
to feel that others responded to me based on what I said (and was always trying
so hard to say the right thing). In
reality it had nothing to do with me; they responded based on what was going on
for them. How liberating and freeing is
that?! When you are in a healthy
relationship or friendship you should be able to challenge each other on your
communication differences in a mutually supportive and loving way. If you are not able to have this kind of healthy communication then
Number 1, look to yourself first. Figure
out what is going on for you, why you are reacting, what belief is being
triggered, are you distracted, etc. In the same way that we cannot control
another’s perception we also cannot blame them for it. Figure out your part in the play, and let
others play their own, that is the only way to a successful ending!
This morning as I was re reading “The Four Agreements”, I
thanked the Universe for sending me this gift (I found the book in a box I was
cleaning out). All four of the
agreements speak to what I have been talking about above. When I first read this book, years ago, I
remember thinking that I needed to TRY harder to live them. Today I realized that through my own journey
to self love and living authentically I began living them without trying. And
that is the path of least resistance!
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