I am very familiar with the self pity party having attended a few
in my day. I know it well, it’s a party
for one that starts out with a lot of blaming and turns into; I am a bad
mother, I am a bad friend, I am a bad wife, I am a bad person very
quickly. For me this party is usually a
short one, but I do know sometimes they can go on for days, weeks or
months. These are the kind of crappy party’s no
one wants to go to and yet unfortunately we all do.
My most recent pity party lasted just about a week and to be
honest I was struggling. Having had
quite a few months of bliss thanks to a spiritual growth spurt, I was caught off guard and thought I would be better equipped to handle this rough
patch (ah the power of the ego). Of course
I tried my usual party tricks of distraction; watching mindless TV, eating bad
food, not going out and as usual they did not work. Then I tried analysis, Why am I feeling this?
How could I have handled that better? Why am I not motivated? A month ago I was totally happy living from
my true self, being in the present moment, just living and being. What I learned from this is never underestimate
the power of the mind/ego or the emotional debris we all have stored away in
our hearts. I was able to maintain my
awareness through all of this and could “see” what was going on, but it was
taking me longer.
When I did become aware I used Michael Singer’s technique from The
Untethered Soul of “Relax and Release”.
When I felt the emotions rising I would breathe into them and relax and
allow them to pass through me. But this
was obviously a little more powerful and didn’t want to release the way I would
have liked!! Thankfully one night I
picked up Deepak Chopra’s Book of Secrets (that I keep on my nightstand for
just these moments) and opened it up.
Right there on the page I opened he described a process for clearing
emotional debris. His method was to ALLOW
the emotion, FEEL it and FOLLOW it all the way to the END. This worked for me! I allowed the pity party, I felt the pain of
it and I followed it all the way to the end.
At the end I found the most wonderful thing. . . . my true self. I am not a bad friend, I have so much love in
my heart for all of humanity, I am not a bad mother, I have an amazing
relationship with both of my children (even though I am sure I made plenty of
mistakes) and I am not a bad person, I have a beautiful soul with so much love
to share. It was all there the whole
time this party was going on (in my mind only) I just needed to uncover it. . AGAIN! Spiritual/personal growth is an
amazing journey but we need to understand that we still live in this
human form. I learned the importance of
staying connected to my true self/soul, but I also learned that there will be
times in my human existence that I may lose this connection. I see now that these are all opportunities
for growth and keep me inspired to continue on this path. We are all spiritual beings living in a human
form and everything that entails, so we may as well accept it, work with it and
ultimately ENJOY it all!
Here’s hoping the next pity party you attend will be crashed
early by your beautiful soul!!
xo
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