Your Needs.

Why is it so difficult for most people to express their needs?  Why do we not want to ask our boss, our coworkers, our spouse, our children, our friends, our family for what WE need?  In a conversation with a friend of mine the other day who works with a lot of very successful people, he said the one common thread is that they all have no problem asking for what they need. So what separates them from the majority and how can we all learn this skill?  In order to try and figure this out, I have asked myself many times why I often have difficulty asking for what I need.  I have come up with a variety of reasons ranging from, “afraid they won’t like me” to “I won’t get it anyway”.  In my mind there are a few things at play here.  First and foremost as I always go back to, you need to feel good enough about yourself to believe that you deserve to have what you need. In my own life I found after years of “living” that I had lost my ability to believe in my dreams.  Remember that childlike innocence that you used to have when you thought you could be anybody, do anything and have anything.  I wanted to get that back!! We need to have that enthusiasm and belief in ourselves to really feel like we deserve to have our needs met. Step two, communicating those needs. This one is challenging for me and for lots of other people I am sure (for many of the reasons I discussed in my Communication post).  I have found what works best for me is when I am able to say what I need without attachment to the response or the outcome.  While this hasn’t always been easy, when I
am able to do it, it has always been successful. If we can get to this place, then the last part is allowing the other person to meet that need in the best way they are capable of.  This requires patience, understanding and compassion for our differences.  If, for whatever reason, the other person is not able to meet that need, then it becomes our choice as to whether we can live with it or not.  Of course all of this is dependent upon us actually knowing what our needs are!!  And that is sometimes the most difficult part. Our degree of happiness and fulfilment in life requires us to not only know what our needs are, but also to ensure that we are meeting them in the best possible way. I think it is well worth it-YOU are worth it,  to spend some time considering what your needs are and then figuring out what you can do to get those needs met!!  It is a journey that will be well worth it, believe me I know!!   Good luck. . . . keep me posted.