Learning to be kind and gentle to myself – My Smile Practice.

I am not one of those openly self deprecating people, I don’t call myself stupid, admonish myself for making a mistake, or discuss the many ways I should be a better person.  My self deprecation comes in the form of expectations of myself and holding myself to a standard that I would never hold someone else to.  I had some really good awareness of this one morning during a beach side meditation in Bali and it led to me creating what I call My Smile Practice.  I have now had an opportunity to apply it in my everyday life so wanted to share it with you, because it works! 

On the outside our lives can look wonderful; I have two beautiful children who are grown up which gives me a lot of freedom.  I have a job I love, an amazing family, fabulous friends, a beautiful home and the ability to travel and enjoy the many pleasures that are available in this beautiful country.  But on the inside I was suffering at the hands of myself.  I had expectations of myself that to be honest came from a fear of not being good enough (another good realization I had in Bali).  What I realized is that the more I resisted what I considered to be unspiritual like thoughts or behaviors the more they persisted.  I often talk in my blog about triple A - Aware, Accept, Allow, but I wasn't always very good at the allowing part!!  So I devised this practice:  when I become aware of a negative thought, I label it and begin smiling.  I acknowledge “competitive”, “jealous”, “frustration”, “anger”, etc, and then I accept it. It is only what I am feeling in this moment and that’s okay (I am human after all!). Smiling reminds me to allow it with compassion for myself (as soon as I do this I get a very peaceful feeling in my heart). 

Learning compassion through this practice has helped me be kinder and gentler to myself and I have been less likely to “react”, “distract” and “obsess”.  Accepting that what I am feeling in the present moment is only that - a feeling in the present moment.  There is no need to attach to it, I don’t need to DO anything with it, it doesn't make me a “bad” person, it just is. The same applies to “good” feelings, when we feel happy, joyful and filled with love, we can enjoy and appreciate that right now this is how we feel.  There is no need to cling to it, wish it would last forever or expect it to be our new way of being (again we are human!) which only leads to disappointment later.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience, understanding this on a deep level has allowed me to be more present and accepting of every moment and of myself. When I began this journey a few years ago my goal was to “live my life to the fullest”, at that time I thought that meant having grand adventures, travelling to far off places, jumping out of airplanes, driving a motorcycle, being spontaneous, etc. but what I have learned is that the way to live your life to the fullest is to be fully present for ALL of it.  There is nothing to DO, Just BE.

May you all be compassionate and loving to yourselves. . . .  and smile!