Self Image.

Self image is a hot topic these days.  Body shaming, fitness crazes, celebrity obsession, why are these issues so prevalent in our current society?  Is social media to blame?  Have we become a superficial human race?  Is this only a North American problem or does it happen all over the world?  Most of these issues are concerned with the outer impression of our perceived self image, but as is always the case, whatever is going on on the outside is only a reflection of what is going on in the inside.  Perhaps instead of addressing the outer issue of self image we should first look on the inside.

Take a few minutes to contemplate how you have arrived at your inner self image.  Do you consider yourself a nice person, an angry person, an intelligent person, a nurturer, a provider?  We have all created a persona, based on belief’s we have about ourselves.  So how did we create these belief’s?  Were we born with them, did we learn them in childhood or in adulthood?  Have any of these belief’s changed over the years, or have they remained the same?  How have these belief’s shaped my life, my relationships, my job choices?  After some time contemplating these questions I realized that many of these belief’s I had created about myself were no longer serving me.  I wondered how I had come to create them and if they could be changed.  You can start by watching and listening to your language and your thoughts.  Do you say/think things like, “that’s just the way I am”, “I am a responsible person”, “I wish I wasn't a procrastinator”, “I am a worrier”, “I need to be needed”, anything that involves the word (or letter I guess) I.  This is the self image you have created for yourself.  But what if I told you that this self image is who you WERE not who you ARE?  What if you could no longer identify yourself as any of these things?  Who would you be?  I find this question very exciting, but I know many of you will not.  We hold onto these concepts and ideas of ourselves because it provides protection from the unknown.  If we are certain of who we are then we can behave in ways that align with this concept and that gives us a sense of comfort.  In order to embark on this journey you will need to get comfortable with the unknown and you will need to let go of fear.  But how exciting would it be to be able to create yourself every minute of the day? To adapt to an ever changing set of circumstances, to see things with a new set of eyes, to stop the incessant thoughts of not good enough, not smart enough, not successful enough . . .

So much of our mental noise and suffering comes from our perceived failure to live up to our own created self image.  How crazy is that?  Even crazier to me is how we created that self image. We took things that people said to us, our parents, teachers and bosses and decided that they must be right.  Does that make sense to you?  Even if they were right at that particular time, are they still right today?  This is how it happens:  I became aware a few years ago that I was obsessed with numbers.  I judged everything in life based on numbers.  I calculated, analyzed and placed almighty importance on whether or not the numbers added up.  One day I thought, why am I so obsessed with numbers?  Was I like this as a child? Definitely not.  When did this change?  I recalled an incident that occurred at my first job out of college.  I was working at the bank and in the first few months I struggled to balance my cash.  After a 3 month probationary period I was called into the manager’s office and told that they would need to extend my probation to see if my balancing improved otherwise they would have to let me go. The fear of losing my job after it had taken months to land one, led to the creation of my belief that the numbers need to be “right” for me to be safe.  Over the years I had solidified this belief by my perception that in all cases, if the numbers came out right, then everything else worked out.  What I was missing out on was seeing the benefit of creative pursuits.  I had been talking about starting up a business women’s group but had not been able to follow through on it because I was so concerned about the numbers, ie. if 20 women did not show up the first night I would be disappointed.  Once I let go of the numbers I was able to pursue my dream of creating a business women’s group for self employed women to share their struggles and successes.  Ironically we are now a tight knit group of 6 women which we all prefer it because everyone has a voice, which probably wouldn't have happened if the group was larger.  When I have been able to identify when and why I created a belief, I am able to rationalize and see that I am no longer that same person or child and that it was only the circumstances AT THAT time that led to it.  If we can recognize our patterns and pin point the moment when we first believed that this behavior would “save” us, we can then change it.  Another example was my recognition of being a caregiver and having to look after everyone else at the expense of my own needs.  I become resentful, victimized and powerless and this did not feel good.  Again upon contemplation I remembered an incident at my father’s funeral when I was 11 years old.  My aunt came to me and said now it is just you and your Mom and you need to look after her.  My Mom remarried a short time later and it was a difficult marriage for her. In my 11 year old mind I did not feel that I had done a good job of looking after my Mom and this guilt led me to spend many years trying to make up for it by looking after everyone else. I was often in “rescuer/victim” relationships and friendships where I could play out this role.  Once I had this awareness I was able to understand that it was not my “job” at 11 years old to look after my Mom and I could forgive 11 year old Tracy for what she saw as a failure. 

Thankfully I have been able to do this work and free myself from many of my patterns and created beliefs.  I do understand though, through my own experience, that many of the ideas and concepts we have created are very difficult to break free from even with awareness.  The conditioning, the circumstances, the words, the actions, are often buried very deep, they also bring a sense of comfort because good or bad it is what we know.  I have learned to do this work with compassion and gentleness for myself and recognize that it may take months and even years to fully release some ideas and concepts, and that’s okay – Rome wasn't built in a day!  I can tell you that the peace and contentment I have found from releasing even part of my self image and being free to just BE has brought me much happiness.  It has reduced my obsessive thinking to a manageable level; it has helped me grow and evolve as a person and has brought the right people and events into my life.  I am filled with a sense of love for myself and others and feel fully present in my life for the first time. Clearing out the self image of who you WERE and being open to being who you ARE is the path to freedom.  My wish for you all is that you take a step on that path today by using this affirmation that I say to myself every day (or many times a day!)

Onward and upward fellow path travellers.