The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge . . . love it or hate it, everyone has an opinion.

In the last week I have watched the ALS ice bucket challenge gain strength and have been fascinated by how the world has responded to it.  I am no anthropologist, but I love human behavior so have been observing with much interest.  Everyone seems to have an opinion about it, you either love it and embrace it, hate it and try and deflect or control it or are ambivalent.  What I see with my “percepticals” (love this word I picked up from a recent article I read which means we all see things from our own perception) is that basic human need of being seen, heard and valued. For me my own inner dialogue around it went something like this: “wow isn't that awesome that my friend nominated me, he must really like me (okay I wavered back and forth on this one given that it was very cold outside!), of course I will do it, I have to, there are expectations of me and I don’t want to let anyone down.  And of course we need to record it on video so that everyone can see that I did it AND I want to be part of something that is good and inspiring.”  While my intentions were in the right place, I can see that in large part my response was based on my need to be seen, heard and valued.  So what is the dialogue for the haters?  Or the uninterested?  I don’t know because I am not one of them, but my perception as a watcher would be that they also want to be seen, heard and valued they just have a different perspective.  Because of their own “percepticals” they may want to shift attention to a different cause, have their own belief’s around charities, they may not want to openly share their opinion (this doesn't mean they don’t have one!) or feel that it is silly and childish.  In any case what I find so interesting is all of the differing opinions which stem from the same source.  I love opinions, I have them, I share them, I love to hear others, I love to debate but at the end of the day I hope everyone walks away having learned a little, maybe grown a little and ultimately felt seen, heard and valued.

What I learned from being an observer of this phenomenon; I am in awe of the expansive creativity that the human consciousness is capable of.  I am inspired by the connection that it created in the global brain – the internet via social media.  I am fascinated by the human need to try and control the outcome of something that is not theirs to control. I am encouraged by the large number of people who have spoken out either for or against as discussion is the only real path to growth and change. 

Opinion on my friends!!

(If you are finding yourself getting defensive about others opinions or are trying too hard to convince someone that yours is right you may want to read my post “The need to be seen heard and valued” – April 2, 2014)

Resisting and Clinging

Isn't it interesting how we so readily jump on the merry go round of resisting and clinging? Can we not just BE? Ah such is the human condition. I have been on this merry go round a few times and the best way I know to get off is to go to AA!!  AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE. We can’t change anything without the awareness that it is actually going on, so that is the first step.  Becoming aware of what you are resisting and what you are clinging to in itself will give you a lot of freedom, but the suffering part is only eradicated by acceptance of what is.  Acceptance of the present moment and all that that entails; the good, the bad, the challenging and the ease, it just IS.  We generally resist and cling based on our own perception of how things “should” be, either in the past, present or future.  We need to remember that WE created these perceptions in our own minds based on our own experiences.  But that does not mean that they have to remain our reality; we can change these perceptions any time we want.  I am not saying that if we do we will never again resist or cling; I have been around long enough to know that as well! But I also know from my own experience that we can significantly decrease the amount of energy we expend on it.  A little self examination may be in order to understand why we are triggered by certain people, things and events.  For example, one thing that always triggers me is boredom.  I seem to have created the perception that I need to be busy all the time, so when I am not, I begin resisting it. I start trying to control things, filling my time with meaningless projects/events hoping that it will make me feel better.  Well guess what? It doesn't!  When I checked in with myself I realized that I had created this perception in my childhood, where there was always an expectation that you should be DOING something (as is the case in many Western culture families and I am sure I have given my own children this burden to bear!).  Many of us feel unproductive, lazy, bored, like we are bad people just because we are doing nothing (one day I will share my thoughts on the art of doing nothing).  As is always the case once I became AWARE of this thought pattern and then understood it, I was free to ACCEPT it.  No more resisting . . . for now!  The same works for clinging, I've been there too, wanting to hang onto a feeling, a person, an event. I think the most important thing to remember is that the harder we try NOT to do something, ie. resisting or clinging the more it persists and the more grief it sends our way,  that’s why the practice of awareness and acceptance is so important.  In my experience it is the only way! Maybe one day it will become my natural way of being, until then I will keep going to AA!! Hope to see you there :)

The Ultimate (Self) Pity Party.

I am very familiar with the self pity party having attended a few in my day.  I know it well, it’s a party for one that starts out with a lot of blaming and turns into; I am a bad mother, I am a bad friend, I am a bad wife, I am a bad person very quickly.  For me this party is usually a short one, but I do know sometimes they can go on for days, weeks or months.  These are the kind of  crappy party’s no one wants to go to and yet unfortunately we all do.

My most recent pity party lasted just about a week and to be honest I was struggling.  Having had quite a few months of bliss thanks to a spiritual growth spurt, I was caught off guard and thought I would be better equipped to handle this rough patch (ah the power of the ego).  Of course I tried my usual party tricks of distraction; watching mindless TV, eating bad food, not going out and as usual they did not work.  Then I tried analysis, Why am I feeling this? How could I have handled that better? Why am I not motivated?  A month ago I was totally happy living from my true self, being in the present moment, just living and being. What I learned from this is never underestimate the power of the mind/ego or the emotional debris we all have stored away in our hearts.  I was able to maintain my awareness through all of this and could “see” what was going on, but it was taking me longer.  When I did become aware I used Michael Singer’s technique from The Untethered Soul of “Relax and Release”.  When I felt the emotions rising I would breathe into them and relax and allow them to pass through me.  But this was obviously a little more powerful and didn’t want to release the way I would have liked!!  Thankfully one night I picked up Deepak Chopra’s Book of Secrets (that I keep on my nightstand for just these moments) and opened it up.  Right there on the page I opened he described a process for clearing emotional debris.  His method was to ALLOW the emotion, FEEL it and FOLLOW it all the way to the END.  This worked for me!  I allowed the pity party, I felt the pain of it and I followed it all the way to the end.  At the end I found the most wonderful thing. . . . my true self.  I am not a bad friend, I have so much love in my heart for all of humanity, I am not a bad mother, I have an amazing relationship with both of my children (even though I am sure I made plenty of mistakes) and I am not a bad person, I have a beautiful soul with so much love to share.  It was all there the whole time this party was going on (in my mind only) I just needed to uncover it.  . AGAIN! Spiritual/personal growth is an amazing journey but we need to understand that we still live in this human form.  I learned the importance of staying connected to my true self/soul, but I also learned that there will be times in my human existence that I may lose this connection.  I see now that these are all opportunities for growth and keep me inspired to continue on this path.  We are all spiritual beings living in a human form and everything that entails, so we may as well accept it, work with it and ultimately ENJOY it all!

Here’s hoping the next pity party you attend will be crashed early by your beautiful soul!!

xo

Tracy

Intuition. . . your guide to clarity, focus, awareness and love.

This past weekend as I was cleaning out a closet I found a picture I had painted 7 years ago while visiting my artist Aunt (I myself am not much of an artist!).  I had totally forgot about even painting this picture but what struck me was that a short time ago during a meditation I was doing we were asked to create an image in our mind of something we would like to manifest.  I immediately had an image of me standing on a veranda of a tropical house looking out to the ocean in front of me, drinking a cup of coffee and feeling totally peaceful and content.  I remember at the time saying “I know I will have that one day, I don’t know when or how or where but someday I will be standing in that exact spot and I will remember this image”.  When I found the painting, I was amazed to see that it was an exact (and I use that term loosely) replica of my minds image.  I am not surprised that this image keeps coming up for me, but I now have a better understanding of why.  In my quest to get better acquainted and connected to my true self I am now seeing the fruits of that labour.

I often say that we “know” things at the deepest level of ourselves, the problem is that we often don’t listen or trust this inner guidance.  I only know this because I have experienced it!.  We are often so busy trying to find the answers in our “mind” constantly thinking. . . Why? When? Where? Who? How? That we don’t realize we already have the answers we are just unable to access them. Believe me I know this is not as easy as it sounds and has taken me some time to figure it out, but if I can do it so can you!  For me meditation was the window through which I saw that it was possible to go beyond my thinking mind.  I found my true self in the awareness behind my thoughts.  Once I was able to access the unlimited power of my soul I learned to trust it (not easy either and significantly improved with the assistance of my life coach).  For me this inner guidance has been invaluable.  It has deepened my relationships, brought focus to my work and personal life, given me clarity in making decisions, allows me to remain calm in stressful situations and has even improved my golf game!  By being connected to my true self I am also able to be authentic in all of my communications and this has been so important to me.  In the past I often felt shame, guilt, fear, resentment and anger at MYSELF but instead projected this onto others.  I often came away from interactions wishing I would have said something different or not said it at all.  Or in order to avoid having to look at my own issues I would just blame someone else.  None of this felt good and only made me feel less and less fulfilled. I am happy to say that now I quite often find myself feeling PROUD of the way I have handled situations and conversations and always come away feeling good.  And if I don’t feel good at least I know I have been authentic and had the best intention (sometimes people don’t like what your authentic self has to say-their problem not yours) and I am good with that too!  My religious sister would say that the Holy Spirit is working and speaking through me and she is right, (even though we have different words and beliefs) it is my own Holy Spirit, my beautiful soul that has been uncovered.  And when we are connected to our souls/true selves we become fulfilled in a way that elevates our energetic vibration and positively affects the whole world.  Do you want to connect to your true self?  Feel fulfilled and content?  Be able to fully access your own intuition?  Do you want to live in a peaceful space? Get quiet, relax and breathe, let your heart guide you and do one thing today that feels right just for you.  It is never too late to start your own journey. 

Join us!!

Self Employed or Considering It? Please read.

I usually write on this blog about my personal journey but today I felt inclined to share a little bit of my business life.  Having worked corporate jobs for 20 years, the idea of having my own business had never occurred to me.  When I left my last corporate job in 2005, I was offered an opportunity to start a home based business and now would never even consider working for someone else.  After operating a few different types of businesses, I found I had a passion for entrepreneurs and small business owners. The course of my life led me to doing some part time accounting work, which then turned into a full time career/business. In the corporate world I had always worked in the financial sector, so I was able to use some of these same skills and transfer them to my new business venture.  I always tell people to look at their skill set when considering new employment or business opportunities.  For example a stay at home mom has learned skills that can be used in many occupations.  She has learned to organize, mediate, work under pressure, supervise, support. . . . Do you see where I am going with this?  Never underestimate the skills that your life has provided!

The life of the self employed is not always an easy one, but it is worth it.  Probably the single most challenging thing we all deal with is what I refer to as “feast or famine”, that is we are not happy when times are slow and we are equally as unhappy when we are too busy!  Over the years I have thankfully gotten much better at dealing with the highs and lows.  I attribute much of this to my meditation and mindfulness practices from my personal life.  That is another interesting thing about the life of the self employed; there is very little separation between work and personal.  Keep in mind most of us are pursuing our passions so work doesn't always feel like work.  While it is important to have a balance in all aspects of life, it is more about being aware of what we need and when (such are the benefits of mindfulness).  

When I first struck out on my own it was a little disconcerting, I became caught up in the hours of work and playing the numbers game.  I often spent hours in my office being unproductive and going over and over my “numbers”.  All this served to do was make me more apprehensive about whether or not I was going to be successful.  With the assistance of my life and business coach I became aware of this pattern of behavior which was a huge turning point for me.  Then I did the single most important thing I have every done for my business, or maybe I should say for MYSELF. I did a business analysis; the one thing I encourage all of my clients to do, but had not done myself!  Going through this process allowed me to see that the work was the work, one way or another it always got done and I was making a living at it.  I could see that year over year I was growing at a reasonable rate and I was also happily maintaining a work/life balance.  Was this not the ultimate measure of success?  Absolutely!  It allowed me to let go of the numbers, to trust that the work would be there when I needed it and to enjoy the slow times just a little bit! The second part of this business analysis was determining who my ideal client was.  When I was stressing about a shortage of work my coach would say “what do you need?” and I would always say “I need more clients”. Then one day she said “how many do you need?”  I thought for a minute and I said “I don’t need more I just need the RIGHT clients”.  So who is the right client for me?  I came up with 3 things that were important to me.  1.  They had to need my services and value what I did.  2.  They needed to pay me a fair price and in a timely fashion.  3.  I had to like them and want to work with them.  Again this process was amazingly helpful. I actually did turn business down because the client did not meet my criteria and I have never been sorry about it. For every client I said no to I had at least one or two more that I said yes to.  Many of us business owners never really stop to ask ourselves what type of client we actually want.  Did you ever ask yourself why there are so many people doing the same thing and are all successful?  It is because we all attract a different type of clientele based on our own personalities and the way we do business as an individual.  Even in a large corporation, the culture of the business and the clients they attract will largely be based on the top level of management or ownership.  So instead of always looking for some ”thing” that sets you apart, try creating your own culture that is based on who YOU are. People are drawn to authenticity, so if you operate from a place that is authentic to you, you will attract the “right” client for your business.  I remember one night in my business women’s group one of the gals, said to me “you would go somewhere else if you could get a better price” and I said “no actually I wouldn't”.  I am what I call a “loyal” client, if I receive good service and I like the person or people I am dealing with I won’t even look anywhere else.  For me it is all about the relationship!   Sound familiar?  Exactly what I want in my own clients is the type of client I am.  If you know what you value for yourself, you will know who your ideal client is.  So instead of looking for the next hot trend or taking another business course, find what your passionate about, figure out a way to make money doing it (even if it is part time or seems like a hobby sometimes, because we all do need money to live and sometimes have to work for someone else while we pursue our dreams on the side) and then let things unfold.  Just keep doing it for the love of it!  Offer the same level or type of service that you would expect, maintain your integrity and don’t compromise your own ideals based on other peoples perceptions or business models. Take any advice you are offered and decide for yourself if it feels right for YOU. Just because someone else has been successful using a certain “strategy”, ie social media, print advertising, networking, etc does not mean it is right for your business.  Part of being a successful business owner and what I love about entrepreneurial people is their ability to use their own creativity and make their own decisions even when it may seem crazy to others.  Forge your own path!

As I read back on this post, again I see that my business and personal lives are really one and the same.  The same philosophies I practice in my personal life are the same ones I practice in my business life.  Staying true to myself, being authentic in my communications, always being mindful and aware, and allowing everyone in my life whether they are my friends, or business partners to pursue their journey in their own unique way.  I guess that is MY unique gift!  What is your unique gift? How can you share it in your own unique way? Find the passion and courage deep in your heart and share it with the world!!