Becoming Whole.

If you are reading my blog you are obviously as interested in personal growth as I am.  I cannot tell you how passionate I am about seeing people grow, learn and reap the benefits of this in their life.  I see so many people who are looking for someone outside themselves to fulfil them and make them happy and this is just not possible (if you have ever tried you will know it). Do your own work, become whole and not only will you change your own life but the lives of everyone around you, and quite possibly together we can change the world!!  A shout out to a beautiful woman I met this morning who is doing wonderful work championing women and adolescents, rock on Natalie!! I am honored to have met you.

Wholeheartedly yours.

Authentic You and your Passion and Purpose.

What does it mean to be authentic? How can authenticity be achieved? What does living authentically feel like? Unfortunately I am still amazed at how many people cannot even identify who they are, how can they be expected to live authentically when they don’t really know who they are or what they desire?  So many roles and expectations have been put on us that we lose ourselves, we become who we think we should be or are expected to be (no one knows this better than a new Mom or Dad). The journey to find ourselves can be challenging and you wonder, is it worth it? I am here to tell you with a resounding YES it is worth it.  We are all on this planet for a purpose and when you find that purpose and live it, you are fulfilling your destiny.  Is this not what every human being seeks? Then why is it so difficult?  The demands of our everyday life, the trauma’s we have experienced, the belief's we have created about ourselves and the roles we play are all barriers to our own fulfillment. Fear is also a big culprit in holding us back, but truly what are we really afraid of? Is not the fear created in our mind far worse than the reality? Should we not fear hiding in our old patterns more than we fear not fulfilling our life’s purpose?

To open yourself up and show the world your authentic self will not only bring you more joy than you can imagine, it will also bring into your life all of the right people, situations and events. This is your motivation!  Suddenly the Universe opens up to provide what you seek deep inside your soul.  I know from my own personal experience that getting to this point does require some work, but work that is worth it.  Start by taking some time to go into silence and ask yourself, Who Am I? What is my deepest desire? Allow your heart to provide the answers.  Then create an intention for your life to fulfil this desire, hold this intention, meditate on it. As opportunities are presented to you by the Universe, consider your choices and make a conscious choice based on your intention. Watch your thoughts, if they don’t serve your authentic self and your life purpose let them go. It’s not out of reach for anyone, we all come into this world with a beautiful soul that contains all of the answers for our destiny and purpose.  We only need to tap into this source to release them. If you are on this journey with me I know you are actually closer than most to realization, or have already found the way.  I encourage and support all of you in your quest to live fully, offer your gifts to the world and fulfill your purpose and destiny. All along the journey stay interested, stay connected and experience the joy and love that fills your life.

Much love. Tracy

Lasting Relationships

It is our human instinct to want to connect with a mate/partner, so why is the divorce rate 50% or higher?  Why are so many couples in counselling? And why do so many feel stuck in their relationship, or unable to commit?  I have had my own personal experience with couples counselling and I also do work for a group of Psychologists who do relationship counselling and I can tell you the success rate is not very good.  I think it is in part due to the fact that when couples go for counselling it becomes about, I need he/she to do for me, or he/she doesn’t understand me, or worse it becomes a blame game.  It is a bit like Western medicine’s approach to disease, everyone wants a quick fix, give me a pill or a shot and all will be healed.  The same is true in couples counselling, you feel like it is falling apart and that you should go to the therapist and he/she will fix it.  The reality is there is no quick fix.  Maybe we need to take an approach based more on Eastern medicine traditions.  In Eastern medicine you look for the root of the cause, you nourish your body and bring it into balance, and sometimes it requires going through a few “layers” of disease to get there.  This same method can be applied to your relationship, starting with yourself.  If you looked only inside yourself for what you need, inside yourself to heal what is broken and feel compassion for your partner perhaps more relationships could be saved.  If not, you will have a much clearer reason why it didn’t work and will go into the next relationship with a different view.  Perhaps couples counselling should be done individually, each becoming a “whole” instead of two “parts” trying to create a “whole”. This same strategy should apply to anyone in a relationship, not just those having problems or anyone looking for that special someone.  You need to fulfill yourself, live your destiny and your passion, find happiness and contentment within your own life. The secret to a long lasting relationship lies not in how much the other person can do for you or you for them, but what you can do for yourselves. 

 

There is no quicker death to a relationship than when one of the partners becomes “needy”, this can manifest as nagging, blaming, controlling, jealousy, submissiveness, being a victim, etc. My friends and I always say there is nothing less attractive then neediness and nothing more attractive than someone who knows who they are, is comfortable with who they are and wants to share it with the world. So if that is what we admire, then we must do our own work to make sure we are that person as well. Only in doing this will we have lasting happiness either inside or outside of a relationship, we will not be looking for someone to fulfil us or make us happy (which is impossible anyway) as we are already fulfilled and happy. We then have the ultimate gift to offer someone  who is “whole” as well, an EQUAL partner in life and love.

 

Defining Moments.

What are your life’s defining moments?  Was it something someone said or did, something you read or heard, an event or catastrophe or was it something that opened up from your heart?  In doing a little contemplation of how my life has unfolded, I can see that in many cases there was what I call a defining moment when things seemed to shift for me.  It was a shift on a deep level that I may have been trying to force – unsuccessfully. But when these moments occurred it suddenly seemed so clear and so “easy”. Nothing is the same after, you are forever changed, one of the cloudy lenses of our past experiences has been removed.  In this place we feel a sense of freedom and lightness, like a space has been opened up in our heart. . .and it has. I continue to get feedback from people on the difficulty of “letting go” and in my experience it really is about letting your heart guide you. When your heart gives you a defining moment, you will naturally let go, there is no other way.  If you then let your mind “talk” you out of it, you will suffer.  Recognition of this suffering can be a catalyst for change if you allow it. Awareness around these defining moments allows us to grow and evolve, it builds our character and strengthens our resolve. We can use these shifts of perspective to make positive changes in our lives or we can do nothing. We can use them to live and love more fully or we can continue to suffer. The choice is always ours to make! What do you choose?



Destiny

This morning I woke up with this poem in my mind, I actually wrote it while I was still in bed!  It seems to sum up for me where I am at this moment on the journey of my life.  Enjoy!  xo Tracy

Why Women Love Bad Boys

I recently found a FB page called “What Evolved Women Want” by Graham R White (its not just for women, evolved men will appreciate it too or those on the path of evolution).  I shared one of his posts on my FB wall that struck me and it evoked a similar response from many of the evolved women in my life. I checked out his blog last night and found this piece on Why Women Love Bad Boys; I had to share it with you as over the years I have debated this topic with many women AND men.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did, and a shout out to Graham for being an evolved man and showing us evolved women that you do exist and how our own behaviour can sometimes prevent men from pursing their own evolution.  No more enabling for this girl!! And men I can promise you. . . it will be worth it!!

WHY WOMEN LOVE BAD BOYS

Just like men don’t specifically desire sex, they desire feminine energy, women don’t specifically desire Bad Boys, they desire masculine energy.

For women, masculine energy appears to be available to them in “instant format” with Bad Boys who show up with the pretense of masculine energy. It’s not authentic masculine energy, it’s a Bad Boy’s best representation of what they think a real man looks like.

They’re almost instantly recognizable because they tend to choose visible outfits real men wear: Men in uniform, power suits, bike leather, drive lifted trucks, dropped sports cars and luxury automobiles.

The bigger the costume, the more fragile the ego (not necessarily correlated to show size as the popular myth goes).

Nice Guys are more evolved, they’re not pretending to be real men – they openly admit they’re not quite sure yet who they are and what their purpose is, but because they’re not even pretending to have confidence about their purpose they lack even the fiction of masculine energy that Bad Boys appear to have.

Nice Guys also have a uniform. This uniform is not to attract women, but to indicate to Bad Boys that the Nice Guy is not a competitor for status or women. It’s their “survival suit” designed to keep them from being noticed and out of fights.

Women instantly recognize the “survival suit” of the Nice Guy and know that he will wilt in conflict with Bad Boys. It also tells her that he will ask permission rather than take command in the bedroom. This leaves her feeling vulnerable and maybe even a little nauseous if he tries to make a move.

Nice Guys are confused by women who reject them and frustrated (enraged?) by women who come to them for soothing when they’ve been hurt only to run back into the arms of their Bad Boy when he pleads for another chance.

Women who attempt to save Bad Boys do so because their intuition tells them how powerful this man has the potential to be – if he’d just step into his purpose. Her mistake is believing that SHE can inspire that choice. THAT is her ongoing attraction to the Bad Boy, she sees her purpose served in saving this man from destroying himself – that can be heady stuff to a woman who is afraid to work on her own life.

The reason women reject the Nice Guy is because he openly demonstrates and talks about his fear of stepping into purpose. Where the Bad Boy constantly shows the potential he has to offer the Nice Guy continually talks about his insecurities.

Nice Guys aren’t interested in fighting for the attention of a woman. They claim neither their purpose or their woman. Instead they try to win her outside of competition. This is why they feel like an over eager and somewhat insecure puppy, both in their courtship and in the bedroom.

A Nice Guy will do just about anything to convince a woman of his affection for her, but virtually nothing to fight for her – not against other men, or life’s obstacles. Ironically, this makes Nice Guys more dangerous to a woman than Bad Boys.

Bad Boys are fairly predictable, but Nice Guys get upset in completely unpredictable fashion. Worse, no one knows when life circumstances will get tough and a woman partnered with a Nice Guy is almost guaranteed to have to become the leader and decision maker when they do.

The Bad Boy continually shows signs of WANTING to be magnificent, the Nice Guy continually demonstrates his fear of claiming it.

Women intuitively know they have the ability to inspire a man to claim his purpose. Ironically, it’s the Nice Guy with who this exists. All she has to do is… *nothing* – don’t marry him, don’t date him, don’t hang out with him and PLEASE don’t run to him when another guy hurts you.

It takes a significant life event to push the Nice Guy through to purpose. Mine was breaking my back and then my woman leaving me because I failed to claim my purpose.

WHY DO SOME WOMEN STAY WITH BAD BOYS?

Women who choose and remain with Bad Boys don’t believe they can attract one of the few real men. They’re likely right – at least not without a lot of personal growth. Because these women fear being alone they remain with the pretense of masculine energy rather than claiming the power of their feminine energy.

Many women are susceptible to the games and charms the Bad Boy has perfected over his decades of hunting women. Nice Guys get upset when they see women falling for his tricks and practically scream, “Can’t you see who he REALLY is?!?!”

But the woman looks at this Bad Boy through the filter of women’s intuition and what she sees is the potential of the man he COULD be and thinks that she DOES see him. She gives the Bad Boy chance after chance until it is too painful to continue anymore, sometimes tragically.

The Evolved woman sees through the games and the charms of the Bad Boy. She’s not fooled. She sees his potential as well, but she’s no longer a player in “the game”. She has no time for the Bad Boy and no sexual attraction to the Nice Guy. Only a real man will satisfy her – she’s single because she’s prepared to wait for the right man.

Graham R White

http://www.Facebook.com/WhatEvolvedWomenWant

 

Anger, Fear or Hurt?

I had a couple of opportunities this weekend to work with anger and it proved once again my theory that anger is usually a cover up for fear or hurt. 

 

As usual when I felt anger rising up in me I went into my “tape playing” I call it, immediately I start going over and over in my mind what I am going to say to this person.  It becomes all about trying to get the reaction or response I want or at the very least to let them know that I am MAD (which in this case really meant HURT).  Fortunately in both  cases I was able to distance myself in the immediate moment of the anger (this is quite often my response as I need time to process), this turned out to be the best thing for me and the other person.  After playing the tapes over and over in my head I decided to sleep on it.  When I woke up in the morning and no longer had the anger burning inside me I was able to ask myself in a calm clear manner what this was about for me.  It turned out in both cases I was feeling;  not heard, not seen and not a priority.  These are basic needs for all of us and when they are not getting met we fall into our destructive patterns of behaviour that we have used in the past to get them met (although usually on a temporary basis).  As I work on changing these old patterns, I was very proud of myself that I ended up not lashing out.  I was able to clearly state my position as I felt it with no blaming, guilting or condescending.  It took a lot of discipline to put aside my anger/hurt and really look inside myself, but when I was able to do this it felt so right.  Its like it no longer has a hold on you, the pain disappears and you feel peaceful and at ease. It’s the trying to control the situation or the person that brings the pain.  While we often think this is easier it really is not.  Look inside yourself, find what is going on for YOU and then do what you need to do to get that need met.  Watch your emotions rising and then look beneath them, sit quietly, sleep on it, go for a walk in nature, journal, whatever works for you. Its time to stop allowing these destructive patterns of behaviour from controlling our lives. Let go of the anger, the fear and the hurt and take ownership of your own emotions and your reactions to them and change your life!

Speaking your Truth.

As a die hard people pleaser I have often found it difficult to speak my truth.  I know I have talked about this before and the importance of always being your authentic self, but this week I had such clarity around two experiences of speaking my truth that I wanted to share them with you.  Both of them were with people that are particularly close to me which can often be the hardest which makes it even more meaningful to me.

In one case I was able to speak my truth with someone who shares a very different belief system than me.  In the past I had many times not been fully honest about my thoughts and feelings in conversations with her and had often become defensive and opinionated.  I always left these encounters feeling unsettled wishing I would have said this or that, with no real closure.  This week I was able to share my beliefs in a calm manner and REALLY listen to hers.  What I found was that we actually did share a lot of the same ideas we are just coming at them from two different paths. We were able to connect in our shared love of humanity and service to others in a positive way instead of focussing on our differences.  At the end of the day there will always be things we don’t agree on, but I felt a closeness to her that I had not felt before.  I totally understand why she has chosen her path and why I have chosen mine, neither one wrong or bad just different.  I was also able to open my heart to allow some of her words to resonate with me and came away with some great ideas. Yay!!

In the second case I had been feeling that a connection with this person had lost its depth and meaning.  If there is one thing anyone who knows me will say it’s that I hate superficial conversation!  I had been allowing this in this relationship as it had been good in the past, but this week I reached my threshold.  I needed to inject meaning into this relationship or I needed to let it go. As it turned out this person was not interested in a more meaningful relationship or was not capable.  Either way I knew in that moment that this was no longer serving me and it was done.  Just because something has been good in the past doesn’t mean it always will be or needs to be.  Learn what you need to learn and move on.  You will know in your heart when that time is and then it will seem like the most natural thing.  Until then yes it will cause you some pain and suffering but that is what makes the letting go so much sweeter!

If you always speak your truth with everyone in your life, it allows them to either create a deeper connection with you or it sends them running for cover.  Either way you are better off as you are surrounding yourself with the people that feed your soul and the ones that don’t will naturally fall away. For me this week it felt like the most natural thing and has left me with a wonderful feeling of peace and lightness.  So grateful for life and its lessons!

My wish for you today is that you will take a chance, speak your truth, deepen a connection or let one go and share in my peace and lightness.