My meditation buddy.

Doesn't get any better than this....my meditation buddy curled up in my lap! 

I DESERVE.

A few years ago when I was doing reflexology and detox foot spa treatments I received a call to see if I would come to an elderly ladies home as she was not very mobile.  I started visiting her once per week to see if the treatments would help with her mobility.  As I got to know her I told her about Louise Hay and her belief that every physical ailment is rooted in an emotional block.  She was definitely interested so I looked up her problem in my book and gave her the emotional cause and affirmation.  The next week when I saw her she told me that while she agreed with the emotional block she was physically unable to say the affirmation.  The words she was stuck on that would not come out of her mouth were – I DESERVE.  I remember thinking how sad this was and what must be going on for her that she was not even able to utter these words. 

Years later as I continue on my own journey I have come to realize that these words are also are very difficult for me to digest.  While I am able to intellectually say them, believe them and act on them, I now know that I do not always “feel” them at the core of my being.  What is it about our life experience that causes this?  At what age do we create this belief? I suppose it is different for everyone, and probably a culmination of many things over the years.  Many people will go through their whole lives feeling like they don’t deserve any good in their lives, that they must do for others what they are incapable of giving themselves and pushing down their own feelings of lack because they don’t want to confront the pain of looking into their own heart. If just reading this is bringing up any emotional reaction in you then you will know that you to are struggling with accepting that you do DESERVE. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be content, you deserve to have abundance and you deserve to be loved.  We all do!

I can tell you from my own experience that looking into your own heart to find the answers is not that bad. Ironically we spend a lot of time and energy trying to hide our insecurities but when you confront them they lose all of their power over you.  You will feel like you have been let out of a prison (a self imposed one) and will begin living from your authentic self.  The reality is we don’t want to look into our own souls because it is painful, but when we do, what we will see is the beautiful spirit that we all are. Say these words out loud with me right now:

“I release all of the past life experiences that have lived in my mind and put up barriers in my heart to fully accepting and loving myself.  I DESERVE all that is good in my life.”

 

Yes you do!!!   This journey has been so fulfilling and enlightening for me and I want to say thank you to each one of you for sharing it with me  . . . you are my inspiration!  Lets rock on!

Simple Words.

I thought I would share another one of my "poems" with you that felt particularly right today. Hope you enjoy the simplicity of the words and let them into your heart.   -(Written May 2, 2008)

Here we are

Where is that?

The light is bright

Open your heart

Hear what I have to say

Join with me

Join us all

Today we are free

Free from suffering

Tomorrow we don't know

Fill your cup

Make it last

Let your spirit out

Settle for nothing

Awareness is the answer

the answer to all questions

Should we keep it secret?

Do great things

Do not be afraid

Peace and gentleness are key

Join, join, join together

Try harder, it will come

Love is all powerful

It will conquer all!

 

Wishing you all a peace and love filled day!!! xo Tracy



The Dark Side.

“I would rather be whole than good”  I wrote this in my journal a few years ago while I was reading the Debbie Ford book “Dark Side of the Light Chasers”.  Since then I have been very aware of the fact that we all need to accept both the good and bad sides of ourselves for us to be whole.  It seems the more we try and hide the dark side the worse it becomes. Just like anything in life, the more we try and fight it the harder it is.  Ask anyone who has dieted, worked out or studied!! So if you keep trying to hide and deny your shadows you will only see them reappear again and again (and also be mirrored back to you in others). So how do we change this?  The first step is awareness, finding and acknowledging what we “don’t like about ourselves”, and then  shining a light on it so we can see that it has actually been a positive thing in our lives.  For me when I went through this exercise the first time I could see that I did not like how I was so sceptical (I considered this a negative trait).  But when I took a closer look the reality was that many times this scepticism had protected me.  I was then able to see this trait as helpful and no longer needed to pretend to be accepting of everything, that it was okay to question and probe in certain circumstances. I also struggled with being opinionated. When I saw that this was because I am passionate, interested and enthusiastic I learned to love and accept it about myself. I was then able to share my opinions in a positive way and accept others views with more understanding.  This has enabled me to create very deep meaningful friendships in my life which are very valuable to me. 

I’m not sure if it is just in my life, but it seems everywhere I turn these days, Pinterest, Facebook, blogs, TV shows and movies, books, speakers, TED talks, etc. what everyone is drawn to is authenticity!  We want it in our politicians, our leaders, our clients, our celebrities, and most importantly our friends and people close to us. I think this is a sign of our changing times.  The connections we make with others is what makes life full, enjoyable and brings us happiness. These connections become so much more meaningful when we are being our authentic selves and sharing our beautiful spirit with others. If we want authentic connections in our life we must first cultivate this trait in ourselves.  To do this we must acknowledge, accept and understand all of the good and the bad that make up the beautiful spirit that is inside all of us. Today give some thought to your dark side, shine some light on to it and see that it is not a monster living in the closet it is part of the beautiful person that you are.  Become whole, become authentic, become REAL and believe me not only will your own life become richer but you will grace the lives of others with your spirit.  Fall in love with your imperfections!!

LOVE

A couple of weeks ago a friend and I were discussing the different types of love and later she sent me some research she had found on the 3 types of love. I’m sure most people would read it and apply it to the different love relationships they have or have had in their life, which is obviously why it was written.  However, I always say that the most important relationship you will have in life is the one with yourself.  Hence as I was reading it I was thinking about the love I have for myself. Knowing that we can only love another to the same degree that we love ourselves, I have to admit that while I feel I love others “unconditionally” I was having difficulty saying the same about myself.  As I typed a response to my friend’s message, I had what we call an “AH HA” moment.  “Anytime we are grasping or clinging to another person this can only come from EROS or physical love (as we are more concerned about our own heartache than them).” In this moment I realized I needed to let go of the physical and move directly to AGAPE or unconditional love – FOR MYSELF!  In this moment of expanded awareness my life was changed.  I was no longer looking outside myself for fulfilment or love, I was looking inward. I suddenly could “see” that all of the drama and hardship I had created was an illusion, I simply (although it never seems to be simple) needed to LOVE myself for the beautiful soul that I am and accept myself completely, the good and the bad.  I have never felt so happy and content and this has been reflected back to me in my relationships.

As the Universe always seems to know what we need and when, I started the Oprah & Deepak Chopra 21 Day Meditation Challenge on Miraculous Relationships a week ago and the discussions are directly related to what I am talking about above regarding loving ourselves. Nice to have the confirmation as I continue my journey of Love.  I have copied the “3 Types of Love” below (source unknown) and my wish for you is that you will read it and fall in love with yourself.

The 3 Types of Love

1) Eros love - known as "erotic love". It is based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages of a man-woman "romantic" relationship.

This love is based more on physical traits. Say a person says he has "fallen in love" for a woman, because "she looked like an angel". Or a woman "falls in love" for a guy because he is intelligent, has good breeding, etc.

The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on "self-benefit", of what can benefit you rather than the other person. This is "I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you." See? The keyword is the word "ME".

When that person doesn't "feel happy" anymore in loving that person, she/he is led to believe that she/he has "fallen out of love". Actually, there was never "true love" in the first place. The fact is, love by feelings alone cannot be called "true love" simply because they do not know each other that much yet.

Two people feel this strong emotional attraction towards one another, though they barely really know about each other's personalities. A person usually puts her/his best foot forward, showing only her/his good side. In order to be sure if "true love" exists, two people must know and accept each others' good and bad traits.

Furthermore, they must have gone through a lot of time with each other, going through BOTH joys and sorrows, pains and pleasures, and still end up together. A lot of sacrifice towards each other is therefore essential.

It is love that is untested by hardships, and therefore may or may not last in the long-term. It may or may not develop into a higher form of love - philos love. Eros love can only succeed in the long-term if it progresses into a higher form of love. Otherwise, it will not last.

The romantic feeling common in "eros love" is natural, and an important part of a relationship between a man and a woman. Romance also plays a role in strengthening the bonds, especially at the start of a relationship. This is part of God's plan.

What we need to be careful of is assuming a relationship must be "real love" just because it is romantic, because all we feel is happiness. As with most anything in life, we must learn to use both our heart and mind to judge if something is real.

Be careful also of being in love with the "concept of love" itself, rather than for who the person is. TV. movies, media has "romanticized" so much, it is often hard to see reality from fiction.

You must love a person for her/his uniqueness, not because you simply want to feel the joy of "being in love." Such a love is concerned more with the "self" rather than the partner.

Over-relying on pure emotion without the balance of logic is a recipe for failure.

2) Philos love - a love based on friendship between two people.

It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term.

Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is marriage, or boyfriend-girlfriend, relationship betweeen family members, relationship with co-workers, employer, etc.

In the case of a man-woman romantic relationship, the advantage is you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship above friendship.

You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly strong emotions can suddenly appear over time and you both realize you miss each other more. It takes time, and is patient (love is patient, love is kind!).

This is in contrast to a man-woman romantic relationship which starts out by "eros love", meaning you get attracted by physical/mental traits alone. Strong emotions start almost immediately (some would even say "love at first sight"), though you do not even know each other that much.

With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. Again, you cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone.

Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return.

Therefore, philos is a higher type of love than eros. Philos love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship, while eros love is a self-based, form of love that is more concerned with the "self" or self-benefit.

Like eros love, philos love must develop into a higher form of love, the highest love of all - "agape" or unconditional love.

3) Agape - unconditional love

The third and highest type of love is "agape", or unconditional love.

Agape love is above philos love and eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit).

Say, you help out a person, even though that person hates you and curses you. Or you take insults from your partner without hitting back, all the while forgiving and praying for your partner to amend her/his ways. Or the famed "unconditional love" that a mother has for her child.

Or the love we show our parents, taking care of them and helping them in their old age. Just like they took care of us when we were young, it is done with or without benefit in return.

First Corinthians 13:4-8 provides a perfect description for agape : "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

In essence, eros love is "physical", philos love is "mental", and agape love is "spiritual". Thus, it is made up of the three fundamental elements of man: physical, mental and spiritual.

 

 

EnJOY. . . .the simple things.

So many times in our life we fail to enjoy the simple things.  All of the stress of our life, our thoughts, our relationship issues, our work just keep piling up and we become so bogged down that the things we really need to appreciate become onerous tasks.  I don’t know about you but I do not like this feeling. After some particularly emotionally challenging times in my life, I am totally ready right now to enjoy the simple things.  I have been finding new meaning in cleaning my house, cooking good clean food, spending quality time with my friends and family, reading, journaling and appreciating beauty. In the technology age, it is easy to become bombarded with social media, the internet, TV, etc. and we become so over stimulated that we have a difficult time calming our inner self and just ENJOYING.  It is the simplest things in life that can bring us the most JOY, eating a good meal, having a great conversation with a friend, cuddling your pet, reading a book to a child, a walk in nature, the list goes on and on (feel free to add your own).  Make the choice today to slow down, take off your stress goggles, see things differently, appreciate all that you have in your life and feel the JOY!    xo Tracy

Projection

Psychological projection was conceptualized by Sigmund Freud in the 1890s as a defense mechanism in which a person unconsciously rejects his or her own unacceptable attributes by ascribing them to objects or persons in the outside world. (Thanks Wikipedia)

While I am well acquainted with this term from the books I have read and discussions I have had; I don’t think I fully realized the depth to which it goes within us, the difficulty in recognizing it and how we can sabotage our life by trying to deny it.  I have always found it easy to recognize it in others, as these things always seem to be.  Sometimes I have recognized it in myself, but mostly on a superficial level.  Recently I was fortunate enough to be awakened to something that has been buried deep inside of me for many years.  I can see so clearly now how this belief I had created about myself caused me so much emotional pain over the years.  Always looking to something or someone outside of myself to ease that pain. It took me a few days after the catalyst event to fully realize what had happened, but when it did I felt like a weight had been lifted off me.  The freedom, happiness and contentment I feel as a result was worth every minute of what it took to get here. I wish I could tell you how it finally happened but it really is just a culmination of a lot of work I have done over the years on my own self development.  Somehow all of this came together to show me how I had projected my own “unacceptable attribute” onto someone else.  I had been trying to sabotage this relationship for years so that I would not have to face the pain of looking at myself.  Loving and accepting yourself for all of your good and bad is probably every human beings greatest challenge, but one that is so worth it! In hindsight (in my experience), one way to determine if you are “projecting” onto someone else is when you have expectations, are blaming or are very emotional about someone else’s behavior.  Pay attention to your body and your reaction to certain key words and phrases and to your own language. (I will be honest, for me the stronger my reaction the deeper it was buried, so be patient with yourself, please!) Write these down, then write down the things that ‘drive you crazy” about someone else (quite often someone close to you).  Spend some time looking at these lists and contemplating how you might be putting your own “issues” onto someone else. In my case it wasn’t that I shared the trait that I was struggling with in someone else, it was my own guilt being reflected back to me.  Not only did this realization release me from my self created prison but also released my loved one. If you are struggling with a relationship issue, commitment to a practice or your work, try and identify what exactly the underlying issue is.  This may require looking through some deep layers, and you need to be totally honest with yourself!  Quite often what you are blaming on someone or something else has its root inside of you.  This is actually great news, because as we all know we can’t do anything about anyone else’s behavior only our own. By acknowledging our role in the situation we take back our power and free ourselves without expecting someone or something else to do it for us!!  This is always a good thing! It’s been a journey that’s for sure, but always so happy to experience these defining moments that forever change us!!  Learn, grow and live!

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