Projection

Psychological projection was conceptualized by Sigmund Freud in the 1890s as a defense mechanism in which a person unconsciously rejects his or her own unacceptable attributes by ascribing them to objects or persons in the outside world. (Thanks Wikipedia)

While I am well acquainted with this term from the books I have read and discussions I have had; I don’t think I fully realized the depth to which it goes within us, the difficulty in recognizing it and how we can sabotage our life by trying to deny it.  I have always found it easy to recognize it in others, as these things always seem to be.  Sometimes I have recognized it in myself, but mostly on a superficial level.  Recently I was fortunate enough to be awakened to something that has been buried deep inside of me for many years.  I can see so clearly now how this belief I had created about myself caused me so much emotional pain over the years.  Always looking to something or someone outside of myself to ease that pain. It took me a few days after the catalyst event to fully realize what had happened, but when it did I felt like a weight had been lifted off me.  The freedom, happiness and contentment I feel as a result was worth every minute of what it took to get here. I wish I could tell you how it finally happened but it really is just a culmination of a lot of work I have done over the years on my own self development.  Somehow all of this came together to show me how I had projected my own “unacceptable attribute” onto someone else.  I had been trying to sabotage this relationship for years so that I would not have to face the pain of looking at myself.  Loving and accepting yourself for all of your good and bad is probably every human beings greatest challenge, but one that is so worth it! In hindsight (in my experience), one way to determine if you are “projecting” onto someone else is when you have expectations, are blaming or are very emotional about someone else’s behavior.  Pay attention to your body and your reaction to certain key words and phrases and to your own language. (I will be honest, for me the stronger my reaction the deeper it was buried, so be patient with yourself, please!) Write these down, then write down the things that ‘drive you crazy” about someone else (quite often someone close to you).  Spend some time looking at these lists and contemplating how you might be putting your own “issues” onto someone else. In my case it wasn’t that I shared the trait that I was struggling with in someone else, it was my own guilt being reflected back to me.  Not only did this realization release me from my self created prison but also released my loved one. If you are struggling with a relationship issue, commitment to a practice or your work, try and identify what exactly the underlying issue is.  This may require looking through some deep layers, and you need to be totally honest with yourself!  Quite often what you are blaming on someone or something else has its root inside of you.  This is actually great news, because as we all know we can’t do anything about anyone else’s behavior only our own. By acknowledging our role in the situation we take back our power and free ourselves without expecting someone or something else to do it for us!!  This is always a good thing! It’s been a journey that’s for sure, but always so happy to experience these defining moments that forever change us!!  Learn, grow and live!