It has been 6 years since I took my first Mindfulness
Meditation course and I am finally starting to understand what “mindfulness”
really is. It goes to show you how every
step along this journey of life is really just a stepping stone to the next one! All of the information that I
have gathered over the years has finally settled into my body and mind and
allowed me to feel it on a deeper level.
I am so grateful for every teacher I have had along the way. I wanted to share this experience with you
for many reasons but not the least of which is – don’t give up! Keep at it, keep reading, keep researching,
keep listening and keep doing. You never
know when it will settle into YOUR heart and that moment could be just around
the corner.
Here is my story . . .
When I first started practicing mindfulness meditation we
were taught to watch our thoughts, pay attention to our breath and scan our
body. As a newbie I did all of this and
felt quite competent at it, little did I know at the time that I was doing all
of this from an intellectual viewpoint (from my head). The next step during our “training” was to be
mindful of everyday experiences, ie. mindfully brushing our teeth, mindfully
eating our food, mindfully washing the dishes, etc. Again I did all of this and again I felt
quite competent (I am an overachiever!).
I continued my practice and watched my thoughts, I started labeling
them and did end up learning a lot of things about myself and my belief’s and
was able to make changes that brought me much happiness. Over the next few years, my meditation
practice came and went, but I continued to be interested and continued to
study; reading, doing yoga, discussing and reflecting. I look back on this part of my life and see
that I was kind of coasting, enjoying my new found happiness and allowing it to
settle in. But as is always the case
during these “transition” phases of the journey eventually the newness wears
off and we need to proceed to the next phase.
I was in a bit of denial about
moving on, I was having a good time, pushing the limits, living life to the
fullest, but something was missing and I knew that at the deepest part of
myself. With some help from my coach I came back to the practices that I knew
would bring me the peace and answers I was seeking. I began a regular meditation practice again,
but this time it felt different. This
time I wasn't doing it from an intellectual place; I was doing it from my
heart. I had learned the proper
techniques, now it was time to put them into action for a different reason. Very quickly I began to see many benefits,
clearer thinking, deep listening, peaceful, grounded and much less likely to
get caught up in my emotions. After six
months of strict regular practice all of my experience was put to the test as I
faced the end of my 25 year marriage and all of the decisions that needed to be
made around that as well as many decisions relating to changes in my business.
Through all of this I managed to maintain the same clear thinking, the deep
listening and the peaceful grounded feeling.
I started to see that being “mindful” was really about being “aware”,
being the silent observer of my life and myself. As each challenge was thrown at me I became
an observer of my emotions. I watched my
reactions, I watched how it felt in my body, I didn't judge it, I didn't try
and analyze it, I just allowed it. And
when it passed over (as it always does) the decisions and answers became easy –
it was the path of least resistance.
This doesn't mean that I didn't have moments of frustration, sadness,
anger and fear, I absolutely did! But I did
not allow them to take over, by seeing and acknowledging that I had a right
to all of these feelings and by knowing that they would pass, I was able to
accept them on a level I had not been able to in the past. Going through something very difficult or
stressful is often what pushes us to surrender.
I could succumb to the overwhelming emotions or I could surrender to
“myself” to the present moment, to what I knew deep inside. I
had learned to trust the knowingness of my soul and I knew that everything
would work itself out just the way it needed to. This experience is open to every one; you
just need to open up to it. Open your
mind, open your heart, be mindful, watch for opportunities and then make a
choice. Choose you, choose what best
serves you and the higher good, and choose what feels right deep in your
heart. Bringing peace into your own
heart brings peace into the world. Together we can make a difference. . . . one
“mindful” peaceful heart at a time!
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