Sex and our basic instinct.

I can’t believe it has taken me this long to write about this subject.  As anyone who knows me can attest, this topic will inevitably come up sometime in a conversation with me.  Mainly because I am so fascinated by the human mind and body but also because everyone loves to talk about it!  So why do we all love to talk about sex?  I believe it is because it is the one thing that we all have in common.  No matter what your race, religion, status, place of residence or life circumstances we all share the same instinct.  The human species is part of the animal kingdom and the reality is, as is the case with all animals, sex is a natural instinct designed to carry out the propagation of the species. So lets start here, the basics are that males and females mate (have sex) in order to carry on their genetic line in the creation of a new life.  Of course the evolution of humans (and some other species as well) has significantly changed these “basics”. Here in lies the problem and is what makes this topic so interesting. After nearly 50 years on this planet I have seen the evolution of sex and I am sure it will continue to evolve even more rapidly in the years ahead.  My hope is that this evolution is based on love, respect and honouring our bodies and not on the ego driven needs of attention, power and domination.

I believe that we all have the natural born instinct to have sex, for men and women as is the case in the animal kingdom the needs of each are a little different.  While it is pleasurable for both, men are designed to mate with the desire to impregnate, while women are designed to mate with the desire to find a suitable father.  If we take this concept into the human species and then add in emotions, perceptions, learned behavior, societal norms and beliefs we seem to be in a constant battle.  All of these things change our view of sex and turn it from the beautiful life sustaining action that it was created for into a power struggle that causes so much suffering. From the era of the 1940’s and the badness of sex to the free love of the 1960’s through the sexual revolution of the 90’s and 2000’s we have definitely liberated and opened up the topic, but there is still much to be done.  If I go back to my spiritual belief’s I believe a lot of the problems, as is always the case, originate in our thinking minds.  We are bombarded in the media with images, words and characters that are some how suppose to “show” us what is or is not sexually appropriate.  Our thinking mind and our ego begin to process all of this information, combine it with what we have been taught and we create beliefs about our sexuality.  These beliefs are not always healthy or realistic.  So how do we start the process of healthy sexual evolution in the human species?  First of all we must acknowledge that sex is a natural instinct, we cannot deny it.  Barring medical conditions, we all need to act on this impulse, either alone or with a partner.  Denying it only sends it “underground” and leads to unhealthy behaviors.  Secondly, we must open up the dialogue about sexual expression with our children.  They need to understand that their “feelings” are perfectly natural and that they should respect them in themselves and others.  Thirdly, we must all work at maintaining our own level of self respect and self love so that we are not drawn into the sexual power struggle.  We need to stop using sex to control others, to show dominance and to get attention and recognize that at times our needs may be different from the needs of our partner. If we check in with ourselves first to see exactly why we are doing this and make sure that our intention is healthy and respectful and the other person does this as well then it will be a beautiful expression of our natural instinct.  If one or the other party enters into it with an ego based need, then someone will come away from it not feeling good.  Being respectful of each other and communicating clearly can alleviate many of the potential issues. I understand that a lot of my ideas about sex and its evolution require a significant amount of self awareness, self confidence, self love and a loving and open heart, but hey we need to start somewhere.  It is just another reason why I am so passionate about personal growth and the path of love.  Imagine how absolutely wonderful the experience of sex would be if we were able to express ourselves freely and naturally and completely enjoy the pleasure and expression it was meant to offer. Let it be so!