Shame.

I am writing this post today with an overwhelming sense of passion in my heart.  I am often incensed by the reality that there are still many people who use their own belief’s to shame others into converting to their way of thinking.  In doing this what you are saying is I am better than you, I know more than you, I have more faith than you, I am a better person than you. Who do you think you are?  Why is it your place to point out another’s “flaws”?  Does it make you feel better to shame someone? When you do does that make you right? Do you need to be right?  Do you feel better when you are? Does it make you more important?

Always ask yourself what is my motivation in saying/writing this? Of course you are always within your right to voice how you feel about someone or the situation, but the minute you say/write the word YOU (addressing the other person) it changes everything, now you are shaming them. No good has ever come from shaming, it is not motivating, it is not compassionate, and it does not come from love!  It comes from a place of insecurity and a need to put yourself above another.  It is self righteous!  How do you feel when you are being shamed? Angry, sad, hurt, disappointed?  Is it motivating for you?  If it does cause you to make a change is that change lasting?  Or have you made the change out of guilt? Do you hide things from the world or the people in your life because of it? Would it not have been better to feel respected, heard, valued? Would you have been more likely to listen to the others point of view if you did feel respected, heard and valued?  I am sure I don’t have to go on and on about the damage of shaming, unfortunately we are all much to familiar with it.

So the next time someone does something that you feel wrongs you (or another), before you lash out and shame them, do a little self discovery. Perhaps you can find the compassion in your heart to forgive them and accept that they are doing the best they can with what they know in this moment.  If you feel that you need to say something for your own cleansing or to share your passion, tread carefully.  Remember this is only an explanation of how YOU feel  and it is not meant to shame them into your way of thinking.  The only way to make a difference is by your own actions, be an example of your belief’s.  Explain that you were hurt, disappointed, angered, frustrated, etc by the situation/conversation (not by them).  Explain why you have difficulty with it, but do not force your opinion onto them. Ie. “I was very disappointed with our conversation.  I am passionate about_____ and it can be difficult for me to accept that not everyone shares my opinion.”  Or “I am sorry that this situation is not going to work out.  I feel very frustrated by the result as I have worked very hard to make it happen.”  Alternatively, perhaps it is a spring board for a more in-depth conversation.  Maybe there is something you both could learn from the situation or from each other.  Be curious, take your ego out of the equation and try and understand where the other person is coming from.  If it is an option, question them, listen, share your thoughts, try to see where they are coming from, very likely there is more common ground than you think. Give it a try.  At the end of the day the result you should be seeking is for growth on both sides.  If a discussion with the other person is not an option, then focus on your own personal growth and allow the other person to pursue their’s (whether they do or not is not your concern).  The biggest difference you can make in this world is by living your belief’s, not by forcing them on others.  Speak your truth, allow others to speak theirs and pray or hold the intention for all beings (including yourself)  to come to a place of enlightenment and love.  But do not SHAME!!!