Let me start by first saying that YOU are not your personality and therefore none of these "bad" traits are actually YOU. YOU are the divinity that resides in every living being, YOU are never ending and connected to all (often referred to as your soul, spirit, true or authentic self). Your personality is what you use while in this body/human form to work on the evolution of your soul. Unfortunately we seem to always be at battle with our personality when what we really need to do is make peace with it. The path of that peace is wholeness. Wholeness requires that we embrace and love ALL aspects of our personality not just what we like. When we truly love another person; friend, lover, parent, child, we accept all aspects of them but for some reason we don't offer ourselves the same acceptance. In my observation a lot of it has to do with lack of awareness. We just don't know what our dark side is, we are out of touch with it. We have difficulty "seeing" what is holding us back and causing us pain. We blame others or our situation, we use distractions, all in an attempt to not allow those dark side traits to rise to the surface. Even if we are able to get a glimpse of them we would rather deny then take a closer look. The reality is that until we can embrace ALL of our personality we will not feel whole.
There are many good books written on shadow work (as it is often referred to) but I like the technique taught by Amanda Owen in her book The Power of Receiving. I will describe it here as best I can but if you are serious about this work you may want to read this or another book on the topic.
Create a party in your mind. This is your party so it can be whatever you want it to be, get creative. An elaborate fancy ballroom, a barn dance, a simple house party; it should be where you feel most comfortable. All of the guests will be aspects of your personality, the "good" guests will be the first to arrive. Generous, kind, loving, loyal . . . When you have welcomed everyone and they are all having a good time it is time to go to the closet and let out one of the "bad" guests. When you greet your first closet guest they may be a little wary, after all you have banished them for a long time. Be encouraging and show them that you want to be friends, take them around and introduce them to the other guests. As any good party host does, keep an eye on them watching to make sure they are fitting in and having a good time (this may or may not happen the first time).When the party is over escort the "bad" guest back into the closet (this is necessary because if you let them fully out too soon they will act up!), be aware of any changes in your "bad" guest when you say goodbye. Do they seem a little more amiable, more relaxed or still wary and distant? You may need to do this many times with many different guests, but the results will be worth it!
When you begin to embrace, accept and love all aspects of yourself you will feel the wholeness that we all desire. The truth is that many of the things that we have labelled as "bad" are actually useful and necessary, we just need to get to know them better. It is in our denial that they turn ugly; as any one would if locked up in a closet and not given any love and affection! Depending on how long they have been locked up this will be a long and sometimes difficult process, but as you take each step and see the benefits I hope you will continue. If you truly take an honest look at your life you will see that anytime you denied anything it did not turn out well. Even if you managed to lie your way out of it and convince everyone, YOU still knew it was not true and have to live with the negativity that it brings into your life. The same is true of your dark side, you can leave it in the closet and let it get ugly or you can befriend it, embrace it and become WHOLE.
Other good books I would recommend are:
Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford and
The Shadow Effect by Deepak Chopra and Debbie Ford
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