What are you yearning for?

Two and a half years ago my life was out of control, I was putting band aids on everything, my work, my marriage, my friendships.  As a strong independent woman I do not like to ask for help, but finally I was compelled to make the call. The first few months of working with my life coach were filled with much emotion and I will never forget one day when she said compassionately “what are you yearning for?”  To be honest at the time I thought it was the “perfect” love relationship as I was struggling in my marriage and using it as an excuse for all my problems.  It took a little less than a year before I realized it was not a love relationship, my work, my friends or my current situation, I was disconnected from my soul.  I am going to step out on a limb here and say that this is probably the case for just about everyone who feels that their life is out of control, unfulfilled or that something is missing.

So what are YOU yearning for?  Some of you might know right now as you read this, others (and you will be the majority) have no idea. But I can promise you this, your soul knows!  You just have to get quiet enough to hear it.  The two easiest ways I have found to reconnect with my soul are meditation and spending time alone in nature.  Both of these practices redirect your energy from outside of yourself to within. No more blaming, its not any situation or person or event that contributes to your suffering and only you will set yourself free. Don’t be scared by this process, it doesn't mean you have to quit your job, lose your friends or move to a far away place.  What I discovered was that by reconnecting with my soul and understanding what it was yearning for – which for me is sharing my love and light, I could bring it into all aspects of my life.  I can share my love and light with my clients in my accounting practice by understanding their challenges, by being fully present when completing their work and by being an active participant in their story. This has helped me understand that my work is not just about putting money in the bank, it is about living authentically. I also brought it into my friendships, when I just loved my friends (without expectations) I understood that people come and go in our lives based on what is going on for them in the moment, it has nothing to do with us and there is no need to take things personally or cling to them.  The peace and contentment I have found through the connection with my soul also does not require me to escape to far off places in search of anything, it is all right here within. My journey started out as a way to find fulfillment in my life, and quite honestly I looked in many different places before I found what was really missing. . . ME.

My wish for all of you is that you will take a step back from the hustle and bustle of “living”, no excuses, no put off’s, just a little quiet time daily to reconnect with yourself.  The gifts that YOU have contained in your beautiful soul can change the world, and I for one want to see them.  I want to see the REAL you, the creative, compassionate, love filled you, not the facsimile you have been carrying around.  Meet me here. . . NOW.

Thanks.

   It is my birthday this week and I have been on this planet for 50 years – a half century! While things have not always been easy they have definitely been worth it.

   To Haley, Cole and Brent, thank you for letting me nurture our family unit – you know that’s what I love and live to do.  You keep me real!

   To my Mom, sisters and Aunty Corry – my sisterhood, you have known me the longest. Over the years sometimes we have been close and sometimes we have not, but I never doubted your love for one minute and always knew you were there for me when I needed you.

   To my inner circle (often referred to as my soul pod), thank you for calling me out when I needed it, but most of all thank you for supporting me no matter what.  You have accepted and loved me through the good and the bad.

   To my extended family, nieces, nephews, sisters and brothers in law, aunts, uncles and cousins, we are sewn together with the thread of family and what a spectacular patch work quilt we make.  Thank you for all of the joy you have brought me!

   To all of the beautiful souls who have graced my life with your presence, whether it was for an hour, a week or much longer I am privileged and honoured that you shared any time with me in this life.

   To my readers and supporters many of whom I have never met.  Thank you for allowing my words and stories into your lives.  If it was possible to meet you all and share some conversation I would so love that . . . maybe one day.

   It is my purpose in this lifetime to connect and share and I am so grateful to have had the past 50 years to live out this destiny.  Move over Betty White because I am going to give you a run for your money in the next 50!!

I am humbled by my life. Love, Tracy

Those incessant THOUGHTS!

Oh what to do about all of those incessant thoughts, running our life, creating havoc all over the place.  And then followed by those intense feelings, taking over our hearts and our minds, making us say and do crazy things. Ah I know it so well as I am sure you do.  But do you remember what you were thinking or feeling at this exact moment, six months ago? how about 2 weeks ago? Probably not, I know I sure don't.  So why do we give these thoughts and feelings so much of our power?

I have been on this journey of self awareness for a few years, but I still get excited every time I am able to garner a little more insight into the oh so interesting workings of the human mind.  What I discovered or at least finally understood this week is that “thoughts” and “feelings” are just transient objects floating through my consciousness.  This realization was very helpful in letting go of some obsessive thinking I was engaging in.  When I said to myself “Tracy, these are just thoughts and feelings, they are not truths, they are not reality” I was freed from the hold they had on me. Thus I created the mantra below; to remind me when I catch my mind going off on an incessant thought tangent.  Hope it brings some freedom to you my lovely readers!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Difficult Conversations

In the past month I have had to have a lot of "difficult" conversations with some friends and family members.  I say "difficult" because this is new ground for me. For many years I did not want to have these potentially conflict containing conversations because they were uncomfortable for me.  Instead I would keep my feelings to myself, trying to resolve them in my own mind and often (in hindsight) hanging onto a lot of anger and resentment (quite often directed at myself).  On my journey to connect with my true self, I realized this was not being authentic. I had created a persona which I believed in my mind was really ME, but indeed it was not.  Striving to be perfect (my version of perfect) had become a win at all costs proposition.  My competitive nature (mainly with myself) set the bar high and I was only too happy to play the game.  But I considerably underestimated the energy required for this sport and thus began my quest to better use this energy to be true to myself. Slowly but surely I am learning to have these "difficult" conversations, which are really just about me sharing my TRUE feelings with another in an honest and straightforward manner.  Not taking anything personally, not trying to change anyone's opinion and not being attached to the outcome. While I still sometimes come away feeling conflicted (this Libra girl much prefers Harmony), I always know that I have been authentic and ultimately that is what is important to me.  The struggle to not allow another to affect how we feel about ourselves is real and often life long, but it does not have to hold us hostage.  Living authentically in as many moments as possible allows us to shine our own unique light and as those moments become more and more frequent so our life becomes brighter and brighter!