The need to be Seen, Heard and Valued.

Many times when I look below my emotions I find that the need underlying them is not being seen, heard and valued.  I think this is one of the most important needs of the human species and goes back to our innate need to connect with other humans.  Brene Brown defines connection as “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship”, and I believe this is at the heart of our need to be seen and heard.  Sometimes we want it so badly that we resort to unhealthy ways to get this need met.  We seek attention, become people pleasers, use harsh words, try manipulation tactics, play the victim, get angry, whatever our ego tells us will get us seen and heard.  As a participant in this game I can tell you, while some of these things may work temporarily they are never lasting and never feel good or eliminate the “need”.  So what is a healthy way to be seen and heard?  First of all I can tell you that trying to deny it doesn’t work, telling yourself you don’t need it or that it’s only important that you value yourself (this should already be the case) are avoidance tactics.  For me it was acknowledging it, accepting it and then focusing on the people who do see and hear me not on the ones who don’t!  We can often become so focused on trying to convince that one person to see and hear us we are missing the fact that there are many others who DO!  The other thing that I feel is very important speaks to the “you reap what you sow” philosophy, so if you want to be seen and heard then you need to be present for the people in your life, so that YOU are seeing and hearing them.  Being present requires your attention, interest, fascination and focus.  This can only be given when you are feeling loved, centered and grounded yourself, so keep that in mind when someone is not able to see and hear you.  It really isn't YOU it is THEM. So focus on what YOU can do to get this need met, speak from your heart, listen to your heart, stay present, do what feeds your soul, be authentic and when someone in your life is unable to value you because of their own issues then accept this and if necessary let them go. As always the path to getting our needs met is by first recognizing what they are.  Pay attention to your emotions, especially anger and “poor me” and look below to see if perhaps you are not being seen, heard and valued in some aspect of your life.  Then find a healthy way to get that need met. Pay attention, be creative, be authentic, be present and attract in the people who do see, hear and value you and you WILL reap what you sow!