Lost or Searching?

One day I was helping a friend who was going through a rough patch and feeling a little lost.  I said to him “you’re not lost your searching, because if you’re lost you are waiting for someone to find you, if you are searching you will find your own way”.  I didn’t fully realize the profoundness of this statement until later.  Next time you find yourself feeling “lost” keep this in mind.  Are you waiting for an event to happen that will make you happier? If someone in your life could just see it your way that would change everything? If you made more money you would then be able to pursue your dreams?  All of these questions are examples of being “lost”.  You are waiting for something outside of yourself to improve your circumstances.  In my experience this only leads to pain and suffering.  I used to be one of those people who was always planning, planning what I was going to say, planning what I was going to do, planning where I was going to go, planning planning, planning.  Thanks to my mindfulness meditation practise this pattern became very clear to me as I sat in silence and watched my thoughts.  What I learned from them was that I was not happy in the present.  It has been a work in progress but I can happily say that I have changed this pattern and am now able to fully enjoy and live in the moment. . . .No more PLANNING!! I attribute this success to my ability to “search”, I wasn’t lost, I knew I could find my own way.  Yes I did have some great teachers, friends and coaches along the way, but I did the work, I found my way.  That’s what searching is all about.  As happy soul seekers, we all want to share what has worked for us with the hope that others will find their way to peace, contentment and happiness in every moment.  Again, in my experience everyone must find their own way.  It is still good to share your successful tools, that’s why we have had all the great teachers and guru’s who have given us the teachings, but we all still need to find the one that resonates with us.  There are more options now than ever before to find your way, with an increase in Eastern philosophies moving into the West.  When you are “lost” in the forest searching for your way out what is your plan?  Imagine this scenario and see what your “go to” strategy is and use this same strategy to set about a plan for bringing the happiness, peace, contentment or whatever your wishes are into your life.  You can do it.  You can find your own way. . . .keep searching, pay attention to your instincts, be aware, take some risks, stay the course, and you will get out of that forest!!

Tragedy

Last week we experienced a horrible tragedy in the city I live in.  Five university students were stabbed to death by a fellow classmate at an end of the year house party. This is the largest mass murder in our city’s history and particularly hard because all five victims and the accused are in their early 20’s.  Everyone in the city was stunned and heartbroken. It hit my family close to home when we found out that my daughter went to school with 4 of the 5 victims.  We are all struggling with our feelings and coming to terms with the loss and senselessness of it all.  While we try and deal with our emotions around this event, I am struck by the need to join together.  There is an energy that surrounds tragedy and disasters that can help us heal if we allow and participate in it.  As is always the case, first of all we need to acknowledge our emotions and feelings, this is not the time to put on a brave face.  Whatever we are feeling; sadness, anger, disillusionment, confusion, frustration, disbelief. . . .these are all legitimate emotions.  Acknowledgement and acceptance is the beginning, the next step is to share.  Share your feelings, your words, your tears, your stories, your heart with others who are struggling. This shared experience creates the energy necessary for healing.  While it is natural to want answers, the how the why, I can’t help but think that even if or when we do get these answers they will be of little comfort.  The result will not be changed, our feelings may be replaced by different ones but the reality remains the same. Compassion for the parents, friends and family of these young people, for the accused and his family, for the others at the party who witnessed the horror is our natural reaction.  This compassion is healthy and necessary for them and for ourselves.  As we all struggle to deal with this tragedy, the only words that keep coming into my heart are. . . . JOIN TOGETHER.

My condolences to all of the people directly affected by this tragedy, my hope is that time will heal your wounded hearts and love heal your broken spirits. Our thoughts are with you.

I Wanna See you Be BRAVE!! . . . .let the words fall out.

The need to be Seen, Heard and Valued.

Many times when I look below my emotions I find that the need underlying them is not being seen, heard and valued.  I think this is one of the most important needs of the human species and goes back to our innate need to connect with other humans.  Brene Brown defines connection as “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship”, and I believe this is at the heart of our need to be seen and heard.  Sometimes we want it so badly that we resort to unhealthy ways to get this need met.  We seek attention, become people pleasers, use harsh words, try manipulation tactics, play the victim, get angry, whatever our ego tells us will get us seen and heard.  As a participant in this game I can tell you, while some of these things may work temporarily they are never lasting and never feel good or eliminate the “need”.  So what is a healthy way to be seen and heard?  First of all I can tell you that trying to deny it doesn’t work, telling yourself you don’t need it or that it’s only important that you value yourself (this should already be the case) are avoidance tactics.  For me it was acknowledging it, accepting it and then focusing on the people who do see and hear me not on the ones who don’t!  We can often become so focused on trying to convince that one person to see and hear us we are missing the fact that there are many others who DO!  The other thing that I feel is very important speaks to the “you reap what you sow” philosophy, so if you want to be seen and heard then you need to be present for the people in your life, so that YOU are seeing and hearing them.  Being present requires your attention, interest, fascination and focus.  This can only be given when you are feeling loved, centered and grounded yourself, so keep that in mind when someone is not able to see and hear you.  It really isn't YOU it is THEM. So focus on what YOU can do to get this need met, speak from your heart, listen to your heart, stay present, do what feeds your soul, be authentic and when someone in your life is unable to value you because of their own issues then accept this and if necessary let them go. As always the path to getting our needs met is by first recognizing what they are.  Pay attention to your emotions, especially anger and “poor me” and look below to see if perhaps you are not being seen, heard and valued in some aspect of your life.  Then find a healthy way to get that need met. Pay attention, be creative, be authentic, be present and attract in the people who do see, hear and value you and you WILL reap what you sow!