Breath. . . .Breathe your way.

For anyone who has ever done yoga or meditation you will be familiar with the words “follow your breath”, “pay attention to your breath”, “watch your breath”.  Having done yoga and meditation for a number of years, I am very familiar with this concept, but have to admit that until recently I didn’t fully understand why it is so important.  I often had difficulty “watching” my breath in meditation, preferring instead to watch my thoughts (mindfulness) or recite a mantra (concentration), but on my quest for finding and living my authentic self, I had a light bulb moment.  I often talk about the duality of the human condition, our ego/mind and our authentic self/soul.  One morning during meditation it struck me how we use our mind to try and control our breathing (mostly unconscious based on our thoughts), we shorten it, hold it, release it, deepen it, lengthen it. . .  but our "mind" cannot stop or start it.  Breath comes from your soul, it stops and starts and breathes regardless of what “thoughts” are in your mind, and following it leads directly to your authentic self.  Okay many of you may have already figured this out; it just took me a little longer! It’s always interesting to me how we can hear, study and read the great teachings that have been sent down to us, but we only “get it” when we are ready to fully integrate it into our lives. I wanted to share this story with the hope that it may help someone have their own “light bulb” moment and also to confirm that we need to stay the course of our learning and growing as we never know when we may get that one tidbit that makes all the difference. Today I am much more aware of my breath, both during mediation and through out the day.  By following it, watching it and paying attention to it I am able to seek the comfort and wisdom of my authentic self again and again!

Spiritual or Religious.

What does spirituality mean to you? Do you consider yourself a spiritual or religious person? Is it important to believe in something?  Having been raised in a traditional religious environment, I never fully understood what the difference between spirituality and religious really was until I was much older.  And while religion did not resonate with me, spirituality definitely did.  So what makes some people follow the religious path and others the spiritual path?  I believe part of it has to do with your basic personality and whether or not you tend to look for answers within or without. As I have talked about many times my way is to look within and I believe that is at the core of “spirituality”.  For those that look outside themselves, to a person/philosophy/belief etc for their answers I believe to be “religious”.  Both of these serve a purpose and are necessary for growth and enlightenment in the world.  In the end everyone is on their own path in this life and needs to follow what works for them.  I always remember the Dalai Lama saying that he first thought that Buddhism was the only way people could reach enlightenment, but now he understands that there are many different paths one can take.  I totally agree! When we have an experience in our lives, either religious or spiritual that brings us so much joy and happiness, we want to share it with everyone.  Sometimes our pesky ego gets a little too involved in this process and we try to “convince” others that our way should be their way.  I will admit to being guilty of this myself in the past, but have come to realize that the best way I can inspire others is by sharing and living my story.  I believe that it is very important to have a belief in something greater than yourself and that your life and the lives of others will be enriched by this.  But all of this needs to come in its own time and in its own way.  Many times we have to experience a complete separation from the Divine in order to come back to it and fully realize it.  I know for me it has been a journey, one step at a time.  I sometimes think why couldn’t I have fully understand that a few years ago, but the reality is I was not ready (I don’t always have a lot of patience!).  When you are ready to “get it” it will feel like the most natural thing and the piece will fit nicely into your puzzle. Eventually all of the pieces fit together and create the most beautiful picture of your life. This unique picture is what you share with the world and is your destiny. It is what makes the world a better place, it is the difference you make by having lived in it.

Follow your own way . . . .  to love, compassion and living your destiny!

Feelings . . .your body doesn’t lie.

This past weekend I was feeling very overwhelmed by all of the changes that I have going on in my life.  I was really struggling with the obsessive nature of my thoughts and even meditation wasn’t bringing me much relief. Luckily I remembered a recent conversation I had with a Psychologist where she said “your feelings don’t lie”.  As a self professed “feeler” and pretty in touch with my physical body I decided to try something to find out what was at the heart of my struggle.  I laid down and did some deep breathing until I felt my whole body relax.  I focused on my heart and started asking questions.  Each time I asked a question I paid attention to the reaction in my physical body.  Finally I hit the jackpot!  The real issue made it self known loud and clear; my whole body went tense, I felt like someone had their hands around my throat and I started crying.  I knew then what was at the heart of my suffering.  At first I just allowed this feeling, I felt the pain, I watched how my body responded and I accepted that it was okay to feel this way.  Then I began to turn what was a perceived negative into a positive. I looked at the good that would come from this change and trusted that this is just one more thing that has to unfold for the good of everyone involved. I decided I would have a conversation with the person involved to share my feelings. This process released my pain and I felt able to move forward with strength and resolve.  (I also want to be clear that my "mind" would never have figured this out on its own. In my mind/thoughts I had been denying the real issue saying I was okay with it and I had put my negative feelings onto other aspects which as it turns out had nothing to do with it. Another confirmation for me that our thoughts/ego do not hold the answers, they only lead to further suffering.) 

So many times we become slaves to our emotions, we allow them to control us instead of using them as tools to look deeper and solve our own issues.  This is what I had been discussing last week with this same Psychologist, I just didn't know at the time how real it was going to be for ME.  Again the Universe gave me all of the information I needed to solve my own dilemma, I just needed to pay attention!! Always remember that all of the solutions are inside of you, don’t look outside of yourself, don’t blame, and don’t look for escapes, just pay attention.  Maybe it’s something someone says, or something you read in a book, a meaningful lesson learned from a movie, a personal encounter with someone or maybe just a thought that pops into your mind (a message from your own heart).  Any of these things and many others can offer so many clues to the answers you are seeking.  Awareness of your feelings, acceptance of them and releasing them, all steps on the ladder of personal growth. Let’s grow together!!

The World is My Mirror.

 

All of the people in our lives are mirrors, it is in them that we see all aspects of ourselves, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Being aware and using this information to accept all aspects of our authentic selves without judgement is what brings love and fulfillment into our lives.

"The good you find in others is in you too.

The faults you find in others are your faults as well.

After all to recognize something you must know it.

The beauty you see around you is your beauty.

See the best in others and you will be your best.

Give to others and you give to yourself.

Appreciate beauty and you will be beautiful.

Admire creativity and you will be creative.

Love and you will be loved.

Seek to understand and you will be understood.

Listen and your voice will be heard.

The world around you is a mirror showing YOU the person you are."

 

 

Blame.

Blame - another passionate word for me, I have absolutely no tolerance for blaming. All of our own solutions are inside of us.  We need to stand up, own our own sh**, do what we need to do to fix our own problems.  Often times in my life people have said to me “you are so lucky”, luck has nothing to do with it it’s about choices.  The choices we make everyday determine our happiness, our success and our fulfillment.  Are you willing to give someone else the power over your happiness?  “Absolutely not” should be the only answer.  Okay I have done my own share of blaming over the years, but where did that get me? Nowhere.  Sad, lonely, resentful, unhappy, angry. . . . the list goes on and on. Why? Because I gave up my power.  I allowed someone or something to control my life, emotions and events. The minute I learned to take back my power, stand up for myself, put my needs first and take action, I started to experience the happiness, joy and fulfillment that we all deserve and long for. One thing that works for me is anytime I find myself blaming someone or something, I look inward to what I need to give myself instead of expecting someone or something outside of myself to give it to me.  When I am able to see what it is that I need, I can take the actions necessary to fulfil myself. The side benefit to this is the sense of accomplishment and ownership I feel.  Blaming is just a deflection tactic that our ego (mind) uses to prevent our authentic selves from shining their light.  It never makes us feel good.  It is never real. It will never lead to happiness. So let’s turn that around. . . . no more blaming.  Take responsibility for yourself and your needs.  It will feel good.  It will be real. It will lead to much happiness.

Emotions

After my experience this week around anger and then helping a friend through a tough emotional day, I realized what a gift our emotions can be for us.  If we can learn the art of not reacting to them and instead accept, allow and learn from them we can make great progress on our quest for peace and contentment in our life. 

Our usual first reaction to our emotions, at least mine is, is to immediately want to know WHY?  But to me it’s kind of like when you are trying really hard to remember something and it just won’t come to you but 5 hours later it pops into your head when you aren’t even thinking about it.  The harder we try to figure out the why of our emotions the more elusive it can be. A better approach and one that has worked for me, is more of curiosity and watchfulness. Start by feeling the emotion arising in your body, sometimes it is a pit in your stomach, a tightness in your throat, a hair raising,  blood pressure rising or a crushing feeling in your chest.  Whatever it is for you, when you feel that feeling can you identify the emotion that is associated with it?  If you can, name it.  Say “I am angry, I am hurt, I am sad, I am happy, I am joyful, etc.”  Then allow the emotion, feel it in your body, don’t judge it, don’t look for a solution to it and above all don’t push it down and try and hide it.  The danger is not in the emotion occurring, the danger is the suppression because that is when it comes out in an inappropriate way!  I have found that as soon as I allow the emotion it begins to lose a little of its control over me, this is the moment to accept it as it is.  When the feeling has subsided and you have time for a little contemplation, you can begin to look deeper. Journal, talk to a safe friend or coach, draw, create, meditate, go for a walk, whatever method you have for looking inside yourself.  As we learn to work with our emotions they begin to teach us about our patterns and our triggers and lead to more fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others. 

Your Shadow Side.

A couple of nights ago I had a vivid dream, in it I was standing on a deserted street, on one side was a “bad guy” and on the other was a policeman.  I was hesitant to proceed but felt safe with the policeman watching me.  As I got further down the street the “bad guy” began attacking me and the policeman had to step in.  I started running away and when I looked back the policeman was on the ground and the “bad guy” was chasing me.  When he caught up to me I pulled out a gun and shot him, not once, not twice but four times.  I didn't hesitate and it felt good each time I pulled the trigger.  The next morning I had a pretty good idea what the message of this dream was. I was struggling with my dark side and no longer feeling protected by the light.  A quick search on www.dreammoods.com confirmed my diagnosis, “to shoot a gun indicates aggressive feelings and hidden anger, if the person you shoot is a stranger, it indicates that you are rejecting unknown aspects of yourself that you do not understand”.  Armed with this information I knew I needed to do some work with my shadow side.  That night I pulled out Debbie Ford's book “Dark Side of the Light Chasers”, which deals with just this topic.  I used a technique she writes about to try and figure it out.  Here it is . . . Sit quietly, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes and relax.  Next visualize yourself getting onto a bus, the bus is filled with lots of people, all of these people are your sub-personalities or aspects of yourself.  Ask if someone wants to get off the bus with you.  A nice looking man dressed in a suit stepped forward and asked to talk to me.  When we got off the bus I asked him his name and he said Hungry Harry.  I asked what he wanted to talk about? He said “you have not been happy with me lately.  Why is that?”  I said “because Harry my voracious appetite for personal growth is causing me a lot of pain.”  I am having to let go of things in my life that are very difficult, if I could just stay the same it would make things easier”. But, he said “you would not have gotten to the place of self love that you are at, you would not feel as fulfilled as you are now and you would not have the level of faith and trust that you are experiencing, if you did not know me”.

The next morning I woke up feeling very very angry.  I took out a piece of paper and started writing what I was all angry about, all of the people, the situations, the circumstances, etc. As I continued to write I discovered the real reason for my dream and my anger, it was Hungry Harry.  I had been putting this anger onto others when I was really angry at myself, my personal growth was causing me to make changes in my life that were not pleasant. I needed to embrace this shadow side of myself to see that even though sometimes it may cause me pain, it also brings into my life much joy and fulfillment.  I decided I need to become better friends with Hungry Harry, besides he’s quite cute!  In that moment all of the anger was gone.  I was able to let go, trust, have faith and believe in ALL of myself once again.  As I need to I plan on getting back on that bus again and again to see who wants to share their story with me.  One of the single most important things I have done to feel whole is to get to know myself intimately.  I am always awed by the magnitude of who we are, what we have to offer and the complexities that make up our beautiful souls.  I've said it before and I will say it again, this work is not always easy but it is always WORTH IT!  Get on your bus today and get to know an aspect of yourself that is calling out to you and let it lead you to your bliss <3