Feelings . . .your body doesn’t lie.

This past weekend I was feeling very overwhelmed by all of the changes that I have going on in my life.  I was really struggling with the obsessive nature of my thoughts and even meditation wasn’t bringing me much relief. Luckily I remembered a recent conversation I had with a Psychologist where she said “your feelings don’t lie”.  As a self professed “feeler” and pretty in touch with my physical body I decided to try something to find out what was at the heart of my struggle.  I laid down and did some deep breathing until I felt my whole body relax.  I focused on my heart and started asking questions.  Each time I asked a question I paid attention to the reaction in my physical body.  Finally I hit the jackpot!  The real issue made it self known loud and clear; my whole body went tense, I felt like someone had their hands around my throat and I started crying.  I knew then what was at the heart of my suffering.  At first I just allowed this feeling, I felt the pain, I watched how my body responded and I accepted that it was okay to feel this way.  Then I began to turn what was a perceived negative into a positive. I looked at the good that would come from this change and trusted that this is just one more thing that has to unfold for the good of everyone involved. I decided I would have a conversation with the person involved to share my feelings. This process released my pain and I felt able to move forward with strength and resolve.  (I also want to be clear that my "mind" would never have figured this out on its own. In my mind/thoughts I had been denying the real issue saying I was okay with it and I had put my negative feelings onto other aspects which as it turns out had nothing to do with it. Another confirmation for me that our thoughts/ego do not hold the answers, they only lead to further suffering.) 

So many times we become slaves to our emotions, we allow them to control us instead of using them as tools to look deeper and solve our own issues.  This is what I had been discussing last week with this same Psychologist, I just didn't know at the time how real it was going to be for ME.  Again the Universe gave me all of the information I needed to solve my own dilemma, I just needed to pay attention!! Always remember that all of the solutions are inside of you, don’t look outside of yourself, don’t blame, and don’t look for escapes, just pay attention.  Maybe it’s something someone says, or something you read in a book, a meaningful lesson learned from a movie, a personal encounter with someone or maybe just a thought that pops into your mind (a message from your own heart).  Any of these things and many others can offer so many clues to the answers you are seeking.  Awareness of your feelings, acceptance of them and releasing them, all steps on the ladder of personal growth. Let’s grow together!!

The World is My Mirror.

 

All of the people in our lives are mirrors, it is in them that we see all aspects of ourselves, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Being aware and using this information to accept all aspects of our authentic selves without judgement is what brings love and fulfillment into our lives.

"The good you find in others is in you too.

The faults you find in others are your faults as well.

After all to recognize something you must know it.

The beauty you see around you is your beauty.

See the best in others and you will be your best.

Give to others and you give to yourself.

Appreciate beauty and you will be beautiful.

Admire creativity and you will be creative.

Love and you will be loved.

Seek to understand and you will be understood.

Listen and your voice will be heard.

The world around you is a mirror showing YOU the person you are."

 

 

Blame.

Blame - another passionate word for me, I have absolutely no tolerance for blaming. All of our own solutions are inside of us.  We need to stand up, own our own sh**, do what we need to do to fix our own problems.  Often times in my life people have said to me “you are so lucky”, luck has nothing to do with it it’s about choices.  The choices we make everyday determine our happiness, our success and our fulfillment.  Are you willing to give someone else the power over your happiness?  “Absolutely not” should be the only answer.  Okay I have done my own share of blaming over the years, but where did that get me? Nowhere.  Sad, lonely, resentful, unhappy, angry. . . . the list goes on and on. Why? Because I gave up my power.  I allowed someone or something to control my life, emotions and events. The minute I learned to take back my power, stand up for myself, put my needs first and take action, I started to experience the happiness, joy and fulfillment that we all deserve and long for. One thing that works for me is anytime I find myself blaming someone or something, I look inward to what I need to give myself instead of expecting someone or something outside of myself to give it to me.  When I am able to see what it is that I need, I can take the actions necessary to fulfil myself. The side benefit to this is the sense of accomplishment and ownership I feel.  Blaming is just a deflection tactic that our ego (mind) uses to prevent our authentic selves from shining their light.  It never makes us feel good.  It is never real. It will never lead to happiness. So let’s turn that around. . . . no more blaming.  Take responsibility for yourself and your needs.  It will feel good.  It will be real. It will lead to much happiness.

Emotions

After my experience this week around anger and then helping a friend through a tough emotional day, I realized what a gift our emotions can be for us.  If we can learn the art of not reacting to them and instead accept, allow and learn from them we can make great progress on our quest for peace and contentment in our life. 

Our usual first reaction to our emotions, at least mine is, is to immediately want to know WHY?  But to me it’s kind of like when you are trying really hard to remember something and it just won’t come to you but 5 hours later it pops into your head when you aren’t even thinking about it.  The harder we try to figure out the why of our emotions the more elusive it can be. A better approach and one that has worked for me, is more of curiosity and watchfulness. Start by feeling the emotion arising in your body, sometimes it is a pit in your stomach, a tightness in your throat, a hair raising,  blood pressure rising or a crushing feeling in your chest.  Whatever it is for you, when you feel that feeling can you identify the emotion that is associated with it?  If you can, name it.  Say “I am angry, I am hurt, I am sad, I am happy, I am joyful, etc.”  Then allow the emotion, feel it in your body, don’t judge it, don’t look for a solution to it and above all don’t push it down and try and hide it.  The danger is not in the emotion occurring, the danger is the suppression because that is when it comes out in an inappropriate way!  I have found that as soon as I allow the emotion it begins to lose a little of its control over me, this is the moment to accept it as it is.  When the feeling has subsided and you have time for a little contemplation, you can begin to look deeper. Journal, talk to a safe friend or coach, draw, create, meditate, go for a walk, whatever method you have for looking inside yourself.  As we learn to work with our emotions they begin to teach us about our patterns and our triggers and lead to more fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others. 

Your Shadow Side.

A couple of nights ago I had a vivid dream, in it I was standing on a deserted street, on one side was a “bad guy” and on the other was a policeman.  I was hesitant to proceed but felt safe with the policeman watching me.  As I got further down the street the “bad guy” began attacking me and the policeman had to step in.  I started running away and when I looked back the policeman was on the ground and the “bad guy” was chasing me.  When he caught up to me I pulled out a gun and shot him, not once, not twice but four times.  I didn't hesitate and it felt good each time I pulled the trigger.  The next morning I had a pretty good idea what the message of this dream was. I was struggling with my dark side and no longer feeling protected by the light.  A quick search on www.dreammoods.com confirmed my diagnosis, “to shoot a gun indicates aggressive feelings and hidden anger, if the person you shoot is a stranger, it indicates that you are rejecting unknown aspects of yourself that you do not understand”.  Armed with this information I knew I needed to do some work with my shadow side.  That night I pulled out Debbie Ford's book “Dark Side of the Light Chasers”, which deals with just this topic.  I used a technique she writes about to try and figure it out.  Here it is . . . Sit quietly, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes and relax.  Next visualize yourself getting onto a bus, the bus is filled with lots of people, all of these people are your sub-personalities or aspects of yourself.  Ask if someone wants to get off the bus with you.  A nice looking man dressed in a suit stepped forward and asked to talk to me.  When we got off the bus I asked him his name and he said Hungry Harry.  I asked what he wanted to talk about? He said “you have not been happy with me lately.  Why is that?”  I said “because Harry my voracious appetite for personal growth is causing me a lot of pain.”  I am having to let go of things in my life that are very difficult, if I could just stay the same it would make things easier”. But, he said “you would not have gotten to the place of self love that you are at, you would not feel as fulfilled as you are now and you would not have the level of faith and trust that you are experiencing, if you did not know me”.

The next morning I woke up feeling very very angry.  I took out a piece of paper and started writing what I was all angry about, all of the people, the situations, the circumstances, etc. As I continued to write I discovered the real reason for my dream and my anger, it was Hungry Harry.  I had been putting this anger onto others when I was really angry at myself, my personal growth was causing me to make changes in my life that were not pleasant. I needed to embrace this shadow side of myself to see that even though sometimes it may cause me pain, it also brings into my life much joy and fulfillment.  I decided I need to become better friends with Hungry Harry, besides he’s quite cute!  In that moment all of the anger was gone.  I was able to let go, trust, have faith and believe in ALL of myself once again.  As I need to I plan on getting back on that bus again and again to see who wants to share their story with me.  One of the single most important things I have done to feel whole is to get to know myself intimately.  I am always awed by the magnitude of who we are, what we have to offer and the complexities that make up our beautiful souls.  I've said it before and I will say it again, this work is not always easy but it is always WORTH IT!  Get on your bus today and get to know an aspect of yourself that is calling out to you and let it lead you to your bliss <3

Unique You.

On my journey to self love one of the most important things I needed to understand was just how unique I was.  For many of us who have perfectionist tendencies, we expect way more from ourselves than we do from others. Always comparing and judging ourselves by what we admire or appreciate about someone else.  We never give enough consideration to just how unique WE are and what WE have to offer. The reality is that there is not one other single human being on this planet that is exactly like us.  How awesome is that!  Here we are with this unique set of personality traits, talents and gifts and often hesitant to use them, let alone appreciate them.  So how can we embrace this? First of all we need to celebrate ourselves.  We need to put just as much importance on everything we do as we do for everyone else.  This means appreciating that we cooked a good meal, listened to a friend, gave a stranger directions, made a beautiful craft, shared a good story . . . All of these everyday life experiences are ours alone, no one else in the world does them in exactly the same way that we do.  Are you starting to get the picture?  Once we really feel and understand our uniqueness, then we will be able to continue on the path to self love. As we grow and learn we create the relationships and life that we all dream of.  This is what keeps me going and I so appreciate each and every one of your unique souls for joining me on this journey!!           

Hello 2014 . . .can't wait to see what you have instore!

Happy New Year!!

For many including myself the New Year is a time for reflection.  What did 2013 look like for you?  Was it filled with more challenges than usual? Was it a year of big changes or maybe lots of smaller ones?  What did you learn about yourself? How have you changed?    For 2014 what would you like to accomplish? Maybe a new job, a big trip, a new place to live, go back to school, pursue a passion, deepen a relationship, learn to love yourself ? The possibilities are endless and only limited by your imagination.  Take some time to dream and dream big!  It is in these dreams that we start stirring up the passions in our heart.  Even if you’re the practical, safety conscious person you are still allowed to dream, besides its fun!!  So I challenge you today to send me some of your dreams, write them in a comment, email them to me or at the very least write them down yourself or tell a safe friend. Get excited, listen to your heart, dream big and share that feeling with the world around you.  Together we can raise the consciousness of the world just by raising our own!!

My dream:  to share and connect the love in my heart with the hearts of all around me.