Communication. . . .another perspective.

I am currently reading the book “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron and I love it! One of the things that struck me was her definition of introvert and extravert. I have often said there are two types of people, those who look inside themselves for the answers and those who look to others to provide them.  I didn’t realize that this was the psychological principle of introvert and extravert.  I won’t go into to much detail about that right now, but I realized when reading this how difficult it can be to communicate with each other.  I am an introvert operating in the world as an extravert so I do have an understanding of both personalities.  However as someone who looks inside for the answers I can become very frustrated when trying to communicate with an extravert.  I still apply the principles I discussed in my May 24^th post on Communication: 1. remain calm. 2. listen to the other persons perspective and acknowledge my understanding of it or question until I do. 3. make no judgement or assumption. 4. communicate my thoughts/feelings with the best intention. So what happens when this doesn’t work? What answers does the extravert need from me? They don’t actually want my answers, they are just collecting information and will make their own decisions. Nobody has anybody else’s answers, and how each of us arrives at them is not nearly as important as getting them!  This is the lesson for me, while it might not be my way the only important thing is that the end result is the same. Our contribution to the conversation is only to share our perspective (as that is all we know) and then be open to the other's. Trusting that each person we are communicating with has the best intention, is doing the best they can with the information they have and is using their own tools. (Caveat: if the other person does not have the best intention it is imperative that you maintain your boundaries and protect yourself). Ultimately we are all doing what we need to do for ourselves while creating and living in relationships with many different personalities, communication styles and views. This is what makes life interesting and challenges me to continue on my path of personal growth and self development.   As I get to know myself better, I am able to enrich my life, relationships and communication with myself and everyone around me.  Let the growth continue  . . . and never end!

 

post script:  When I have attended dharma talks given by wise sages, I notice how many of them take a moment of silence before they answer a question.  I believe this is to ensure that the words they are about to speak come from the purist intention (after all they are still human with all that entails).  When I have been able to apply this principle and take that moment to center myself and ensure the right intention before I simply "react",  I am always much happier with my spoken words than when they come from reaction only. Give it a try and see if it works for you.