Cleansing. You cleanse your body, but do you cleanse your mind?

It’s a new year and so many people I know are doing a “cleanse”.  You know, the kind that involves food sacrifices and discipline?  If you make it through the 10 – 14 days you feel great (I’m not sure if that is a result of the physical cleansing or the sense of accomplishment, but equally worthy!) if you don’t you will berate yourself and make all kinds of promises to do better next time.  While I am a big supporter of cleansing the body, I also believe it is equally important to cleanse the mind.  It is interesting to me  that people are willing to use their will power to improve their physical self, but ask them if they meditate or practice mindfulness and they will say “I can’t do that, my mind is too busy”.  The problem is there is a direct connection between mind and body, as much research has proven, so you will never achieve a true “cleanse” until you do BOTH. 

So why are we willing to use sacrifice and discipline for our body but not our mind?  We all seem to be a little afraid of what might “come up” if we cleanse our mind.  We are okay to handle the physical symptoms (which if you have ever done one you will be well aware of!) of the cleanse but not the emotional ones.  Much of this is based on our western cultural belief’s.  We have been taught to place more value on the physical/material world than on the mental/emotional/spiritual one.  We have survived as a culture based on this belief, but does it provide REAL fulfillment? If you are interested in living a cleaner more fulfilled life then you must incorporate mental and emotional cleansing into your detox program.

The Mind Cleanse:  Start by incorporating 15 – 20 minutes of silence into your daily routine.  Create a retreat space in your home or nature that will allow you to just be with yourself (You are going to need to become your own best friend!).  Take a few deep breaths, relax and be aware of your body in space and time.  Close your eyes, focus on the spot between your eyebrows, as thoughts arise notice them and say “thinking” and let them go, continue to watch these thoughts, no judgement, just become the silent observer.  By doing this mindfulness practice in silence you will learn how to do it in every minute of your day, well most of them anyway! When you become a really good “observer”, both in silence and out in the “real” world, you will feel as if you are watching a movie and you are the main character.  You will become curious about the story line and that’s when you are ready for emotional cleansing.

The Emotional Cleanse:  As the experienced observer of your thoughts and mind you will now be able to watch your emotions arise (this is a little more challenging as it is easy to lose our focus at these times, but I know you can all do it, if I can you can!). You will still feel the heat of anger, the hurt of disappointment, the stabs of jealousy, but you will not be over taken by them, you will simply notice them (they are part of the movie).  The process of emotional cleansing is three fold; be AWARE of the emotion, this is that moment of inner recognition – “I am angry”, then ACCEPT that this is what you are feeling in the moment – “I am feeling angry right now and that’s okay”.  Just be curious about it, feel how it feels in your body say “isn't that interesting?”. And finally ALLOW the emotion to move through you and not become stuck.  Relax your body, take a few deep breaths and release, visualize the negative energy moving out of your body. This will be tough in the beginning believe me I've been there, but use that will power and discipline to keep at it because it does get easier.  

By not “reacting” and being taken over by your emotions your gift will be greater clarity, clearer understanding and deeper compassion for yourself and others.  You will then be able to respond to each emotional situation from a centered and grounded place.  In my experience the greatest benefit of this has been no more guilt for what I said or did in the “heat of the moment”.

Today I challenge you to consider whether or not you are spending more time, discipline and sacrifice on your physical self and if so make a choice to give equal time (as they are equally important) to your mental/emotional self.  Creating that mind body balance will bring the clean, fulfilled and peaceful life that we all desire and deserve!

Cleanse on my friends!!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year friends!

The New Year always seems to bring with it a little more optimism from people, it feels like we all get a fresh start in life, a new beginning.  This is the perfect opportunity to really be honest with yourself about what you would like to say goodbye to from the previous year and what you want to say hello to in the new one.  I started doing this last year, and interestingly when I read it this year as I prepared to write my new one I was surprised to see that I had indeed let go of everything on my goodbye list and had realized all of the things on my hello list.  It was amazing to me that this had happened despite the fact that I had not looked at the list since I had written it one year ago, that is the power of intention!

Today I would like to challenge all of you to do the same, get honest, get real and make a list of what you would like to let go of from 2014 and what you want to say hello to in 2015.  Together lets grow, experience and create real change for ourselves and our lives in 2015!!

My wish for everyone for the new year:  Fall intimately in love with yourself and share that love with the world! Together we can raise the vibration of the Universe and make real lasting change in a world that is all to often plagued by fear and hate. What do we have to lose? Lets go for it! 

Communication. Is it always a two way street?

First of all sorry my friends for being away from my blog for so long, the process of selling our family home and finding a new one for myself was not only time consuming but also emotional. I am happy to report that I have made it to the other side and am looking forward to finalizing the transition some time in February!

As I become more and more comfortable living from my authentic self, I am fascinated by so many aspects of our human existence.  One thing that has captivated me over the past few weeks is being aware of the human communication process.  As I get better and better at no longer taking things personally or making assumptions I feel I am able to have a more “true” communication with others, or at least that is what I thought.  What I learned is that no matter how authentic your own communication is you have no idea how it is being perceived.  This became clear to me when on several occasions my friends would say that I said something specific.  Immediately I thought “I don’t think that’s what I said” and wondered why and how that could happen.  I began to realize that we “hear” what others say based on what is going on in our own minds at that particular time.  I began to be aware of this in my conversations and could often recognize it in another.  Of course at this point I didn't recognize it in myself!!  One day my daughter was telling me about a dream that she had, at the time I was very preoccupied with how my children were feeling about their Mom starting to date. When she finished her story I said “wow isn't that interesting how your dream seems to signify how you feel about me dating and your trying to protect me?”  (Boy was I wrong and thankfully my daughter was able to point this out to me right away!) She replied, “Mom it has nothing to do with you it was about ME” (thanks sweetie!)  Luckily I was aware enough to recognize that I had just done exactly the same thing that I was observing in others.  I loved this experience because it was humbling and I learned so much from it.  It made me realize that often I was putting my own spin on what others were saying and considering this reality when in fact it was only MY reality.  I also understood that when others are challenging me on one of my opinions or views, it is their reality and not mine (don’t take it personally!).  I still always give consideration to others opinions and views because often there is something I can learn, but fortunately I no longer take them as gospel.  I give them consideration and contemplation but at the end of the day I honor what feels right for ME.  Self love and feeling comfortable with who you are gives you the confidence to know that you are being authentic in your communication and that your intention comes from love, how this is perceived by others is out of our control.  This took me a long time to learn as I used to feel that others responded to me based on what I said (and was always trying so hard to say the right thing).  In reality it had nothing to do with me; they responded based on what was going on for them.  How liberating and freeing is that?!  When you are in a healthy relationship or friendship you should be able to challenge each other on your communication differences in a mutually supportive and loving way.  If you are not able to have this kind of healthy communication then Number 1, look to yourself first.  Figure out what is going on for you, why you are reacting, what belief is being triggered, are you distracted, etc. In the same way that we cannot control another’s perception we also cannot blame them for it.  Figure out your part in the play, and let others play their own, that is the only way to a successful ending!

This morning as I was re reading “The Four Agreements”, I thanked the Universe for sending me this gift (I found the book in a box I was cleaning out).  All four of the agreements speak to what I have been talking about above.  When I first read this book, years ago, I remember thinking that I needed to TRY harder to live them.  Today I realized that through my own journey to self love and living authentically I began living them without trying. And that is the path of least resistance!

Pain and Suffering

Just the title of this post reminds me of my Catholic upbringing, how we were taught that to suffer would bring us closer to God.  I have to be honest this never really sat well with me, I always thought that the God I believed in did not want us to suffer he wanted only our happiness.  As I followed my own personal journey of spirituality, my belief’s evolved and I came to believe that God lives in each one of us and that Universally God is the connection of all of our souls. I make this point why?  A couple of months ago I created the intention to open up my heart, and the Universe did exactly as it always does and gave me some challenges to show me what an open heart was and how to experience it.  These challenges led to a lot of emotional pain and suffering, not surprising as my heart opening required me to deal with and release a lot of deep seated fears. When I was able to release these fears and open my heart I experienced such a deep feeling of love and openness that at times it made me cry with joy.  It was in these moments that I found myself being grateful for the suffering.  One day in my book club I was relaying this story and found myself actually saying “I am so grateful for this pain and suffering”, I could not believe I had uttered those words having admonished many a religious follower for saying them. Upon some further contemplation I could see that it was true, the suffering had brought me closer to God which to me means my soul/true self/spirit/light, (whatever your own word is) by providing me the opportunity to learn and grow.  We had also discussed in book club how actually most of the spiritual and religious teachings all have the same message, we just see things through our own percepticals based on our culture, conditioning, etc. If we could take our percepitcals off for just a few minutes (what I believe is one of the great benefits of meditation) and see with an open heart maybe there would be a lot less suffering in the world.  While I am grateful for the lessons learned through my own pain and suffering I am confident that as I evolve personally and spiritually this pain will lessen.  Can you find a lesson in your pain? Can you learn and grow from it? Then open your heart to receive what your own God has to offer. I say YES YOU CAN!  

(Thanks for sharing this quote Neil, I am borrowing it!)

The Energy of Attraction

All I can say is WOW!  This past week I experienced an example of the energy of attraction both negative and positive that was so profound it left me speechless (well not really because I am never at a loss for words, but you get the picture!)

It began early last week when I was triggered by a situation that arose in my life.  I was aware enough to know that I was reacting, but unable to stop it and very quickly it escalated into a full blown ego episode (fortunately mainly in my own mind and some venting to my Mom).  I then received a second trigger regarding a totally different situation but with the same result   . . .  the energy of negative attraction was in full swing. By the weekend I knew I was in trouble, my mind chatter was non stop; I had resorted to isolating myself and trying to numb my mind with various distractions.  None of this was working.  Sunday morning I awoke with a small amount of clarity and was thankfully able to recognize the fear that was underlying all of my emotion.  This awareness gave me a small amount of peace, but obviously this is a deep seated issue that I have been hanging onto for a LONG time.  Monday was the peak of this emotional fear based cycle (that’s what I am now going to call it for my own reference!).  This was my worst day!  I was unable to work, unable to meditate; walking in nature didn't even help (which just about always does!).  I was suffering!  I have to admit that as someone who has done a lot of personal growth work I was once again humbled by the power of my ego (in this case also known as fear).  It started to crack Monday night when it came to me that much of my suffering was because I was fighting against what I perceived to be the negative emotions of anger, fear, jealously and competitiveness.  I suddenly remembered my teachings on dealing with your shadow and how you need to lean into the pain caused by trying to deny your “dark side”.  Thankfully I was home alone and able to shout:  “okay already, I get it, I am ANGRY, I am SCARED, I am JEALOUS, I am COMPETITIVE”.  Once I acknowledged these emotions, I was able to allow them with compassion, but the next day I was still not out of the woods as I now felt a deep sadness.  Fortunately I was able to share my feelings with someone, he empathized with me having felt many of the same emotions himself, and this helped me to realize we are all suffering together, we are not alone.  By Tuesday night I was feeling a deep sense of peace and knew I had recovered once again.

Part Two - The full realization of what I had just experienced became crystal clear to me the next morning when I randomly opened up the book “The Untethered Soul” to the chapter “Let Go Now or Fall”. Michael Singer described word for word, step by step exactly what had happened to me in the past week and he offered a way out.  I would like to share it with you with the hope that one day it may help you as well.  In this chapter he talks about fear being the underlying cause of all negative emotion (particularly anger, jealousy, etc.). He says “you can do two things with fear: you can recognize that you have it and work to release it, or you can keep it and try to hide from it.” For most of us when we are triggered by something or someone in our life, it activates this fear and we immediately go into protection mode to try and hide it.  We try and control our outer and inner circumstances in order to not feel the pain from this fear.  He goes on to say that in your attempts to protect yourself from your problems you create more problems as negative energy attracts more negative energy.  You begin to feel heavy, like the world is out to get you and you are fighting against life (man could I relate to this, I think I actually said those exact words out loud).  All of this was making so much sense to me, but when he explained that if you do not release this negative energy created from your fears immediately when you are hit (triggered) then it will be VERY difficult to release it later.  I could see so clearly how this had happened to me, I lost my connection with my true self and became lost in the unconsciousness of fear and misery.  Then the magnetic forces of the law of attraction kicked in in full force to continue the cycle.  Fortunately I did not act out any of the scenarios that had played over and over in my mind.  This is how people say things that hurt others and wreck relationships because now they have affected another person’s energy with their own negativity.  Wow!  Wow!  Can you see how this affects the whole world?!  Are we responsible for perpetuating this negative energy? And if so, what can we do to stop this cycle?  

LET IT GO!  Let it go immediately. You know you are triggered when you react, when you blame, when you no longer are taking responsibility for your actions or words, when you find yourself saying too many negative things, when you become obsessed with a person or a situation, when your mind chatter is affecting your life, the list goes on and on. Yes you say, I know exactly what you mean Tracy but what can I do?  The minute you are aware that you have been triggered (usually a physical feeling of tightness in your body around your heart, stomach or throat), acknowledge it, take a deep breath and let it move through you.  Release the negative energy deep inside of you, visualize it moving through your body and dissipating, feel openness in your heart.  This is going to be very difficult if you leave it or have left it for a long time, but you need to persevere.  Here is the flip side to the story. . . The minute I became aware of this fear based energy blockage and released it, I was back in the flow of life.  Phew!  This shift into positive energy not only brought me back to the most glorious peaceful feeling (like when the sun comes out after a rainy day) but also realigned my energy in the universe and attracted all positive things, including peaceful resolution of the two situations that had triggered me.

This brings me to Part Three of my story, this morning as I sat in meditation with Deepak Chopra’s Energy of Attraction series, he was talking about creating an intention for what you desire, it struck me that I had done this a couple of months ago, my intention was:  “To have an open heart”.  Another Wow!  If I had not had this past weeks experience I never would have fully understood what an open heart meant and or felt like.  Once again I am humbled by these teachings and by the power of intention and attraction, but most of all by the divine teacher (my soul) within.  There is nothing that brings me more sadness then seeing my fellow humans suffering with emotional pain brought on by fear.  Watching people struggle against it with defensiveness, deflection, anger, insecurity, self abuse or worse, makes me want to reach out to them.  But I needed to understand it myself in order to be genuine in my empathy, and that makes me eternally grateful for this experience.  What ever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! We are all in this together.

In closing I want to share these words directly from Michael A Singer’s book “The Untethered Soul” because I think they are important for all of us to contemplate.

In speaking about our reactions to our negative energy blocks he says:

“We all know that we’re doing this, but nobody questions it.  We think we’re supposed to figure out how life should be, and then make it that way.  Only someone who looks deeper, and questions why we need the events of life to be a particular way, will question this assumption.  How did we come up with the notion that life is not okay just the way it is, or that it won’t be okay the way it will be?  Who said that the way life naturally unfolds is not all right?  The answer is, fear says so.” 

Figure this out and you will forever be in the natural flow of life and that is a very blissful place to be.  Good luck my fellow travelers on this path, I travel with you in heartfelt gladness and love.  It is not always easy but it is worth it!

What are you yearning for?

Two and a half years ago my life was out of control, I was putting band aids on everything, my work, my marriage, my friendships.  As a strong independent woman I do not like to ask for help, but finally I was compelled to make the call. The first few months of working with my life coach were filled with much emotion and I will never forget one day when she said compassionately “what are you yearning for?”  To be honest at the time I thought it was the “perfect” love relationship as I was struggling in my marriage and using it as an excuse for all my problems.  It took a little less than a year before I realized it was not a love relationship, my work, my friends or my current situation, I was disconnected from my soul.  I am going to step out on a limb here and say that this is probably the case for just about everyone who feels that their life is out of control, unfulfilled or that something is missing.

So what are YOU yearning for?  Some of you might know right now as you read this, others (and you will be the majority) have no idea. But I can promise you this, your soul knows!  You just have to get quiet enough to hear it.  The two easiest ways I have found to reconnect with my soul are meditation and spending time alone in nature.  Both of these practices redirect your energy from outside of yourself to within. No more blaming, its not any situation or person or event that contributes to your suffering and only you will set yourself free. Don’t be scared by this process, it doesn't mean you have to quit your job, lose your friends or move to a far away place.  What I discovered was that by reconnecting with my soul and understanding what it was yearning for – which for me is sharing my love and light, I could bring it into all aspects of my life.  I can share my love and light with my clients in my accounting practice by understanding their challenges, by being fully present when completing their work and by being an active participant in their story. This has helped me understand that my work is not just about putting money in the bank, it is about living authentically. I also brought it into my friendships, when I just loved my friends (without expectations) I understood that people come and go in our lives based on what is going on for them in the moment, it has nothing to do with us and there is no need to take things personally or cling to them.  The peace and contentment I have found through the connection with my soul also does not require me to escape to far off places in search of anything, it is all right here within. My journey started out as a way to find fulfillment in my life, and quite honestly I looked in many different places before I found what was really missing. . . ME.

My wish for all of you is that you will take a step back from the hustle and bustle of “living”, no excuses, no put off’s, just a little quiet time daily to reconnect with yourself.  The gifts that YOU have contained in your beautiful soul can change the world, and I for one want to see them.  I want to see the REAL you, the creative, compassionate, love filled you, not the facsimile you have been carrying around.  Meet me here. . . NOW.

Thanks.

   It is my birthday this week and I have been on this planet for 50 years – a half century! While things have not always been easy they have definitely been worth it.

   To Haley, Cole and Brent, thank you for letting me nurture our family unit – you know that’s what I love and live to do.  You keep me real!

   To my Mom, sisters and Aunty Corry – my sisterhood, you have known me the longest. Over the years sometimes we have been close and sometimes we have not, but I never doubted your love for one minute and always knew you were there for me when I needed you.

   To my inner circle (often referred to as my soul pod), thank you for calling me out when I needed it, but most of all thank you for supporting me no matter what.  You have accepted and loved me through the good and the bad.

   To my extended family, nieces, nephews, sisters and brothers in law, aunts, uncles and cousins, we are sewn together with the thread of family and what a spectacular patch work quilt we make.  Thank you for all of the joy you have brought me!

   To all of the beautiful souls who have graced my life with your presence, whether it was for an hour, a week or much longer I am privileged and honoured that you shared any time with me in this life.

   To my readers and supporters many of whom I have never met.  Thank you for allowing my words and stories into your lives.  If it was possible to meet you all and share some conversation I would so love that . . . maybe one day.

   It is my purpose in this lifetime to connect and share and I am so grateful to have had the past 50 years to live out this destiny.  Move over Betty White because I am going to give you a run for your money in the next 50!!

I am humbled by my life. Love, Tracy