The Energy of Attraction

All I can say is WOW!  This past week I experienced an example of the energy of attraction both negative and positive that was so profound it left me speechless (well not really because I am never at a loss for words, but you get the picture!)

It began early last week when I was triggered by a situation that arose in my life.  I was aware enough to know that I was reacting, but unable to stop it and very quickly it escalated into a full blown ego episode (fortunately mainly in my own mind and some venting to my Mom).  I then received a second trigger regarding a totally different situation but with the same result   . . .  the energy of negative attraction was in full swing. By the weekend I knew I was in trouble, my mind chatter was non stop; I had resorted to isolating myself and trying to numb my mind with various distractions.  None of this was working.  Sunday morning I awoke with a small amount of clarity and was thankfully able to recognize the fear that was underlying all of my emotion.  This awareness gave me a small amount of peace, but obviously this is a deep seated issue that I have been hanging onto for a LONG time.  Monday was the peak of this emotional fear based cycle (that’s what I am now going to call it for my own reference!).  This was my worst day!  I was unable to work, unable to meditate; walking in nature didn't even help (which just about always does!).  I was suffering!  I have to admit that as someone who has done a lot of personal growth work I was once again humbled by the power of my ego (in this case also known as fear).  It started to crack Monday night when it came to me that much of my suffering was because I was fighting against what I perceived to be the negative emotions of anger, fear, jealously and competitiveness.  I suddenly remembered my teachings on dealing with your shadow and how you need to lean into the pain caused by trying to deny your “dark side”.  Thankfully I was home alone and able to shout:  “okay already, I get it, I am ANGRY, I am SCARED, I am JEALOUS, I am COMPETITIVE”.  Once I acknowledged these emotions, I was able to allow them with compassion, but the next day I was still not out of the woods as I now felt a deep sadness.  Fortunately I was able to share my feelings with someone, he empathized with me having felt many of the same emotions himself, and this helped me to realize we are all suffering together, we are not alone.  By Tuesday night I was feeling a deep sense of peace and knew I had recovered once again.

Part Two - The full realization of what I had just experienced became crystal clear to me the next morning when I randomly opened up the book “The Untethered Soul” to the chapter “Let Go Now or Fall”. Michael Singer described word for word, step by step exactly what had happened to me in the past week and he offered a way out.  I would like to share it with you with the hope that one day it may help you as well.  In this chapter he talks about fear being the underlying cause of all negative emotion (particularly anger, jealousy, etc.). He says “you can do two things with fear: you can recognize that you have it and work to release it, or you can keep it and try to hide from it.” For most of us when we are triggered by something or someone in our life, it activates this fear and we immediately go into protection mode to try and hide it.  We try and control our outer and inner circumstances in order to not feel the pain from this fear.  He goes on to say that in your attempts to protect yourself from your problems you create more problems as negative energy attracts more negative energy.  You begin to feel heavy, like the world is out to get you and you are fighting against life (man could I relate to this, I think I actually said those exact words out loud).  All of this was making so much sense to me, but when he explained that if you do not release this negative energy created from your fears immediately when you are hit (triggered) then it will be VERY difficult to release it later.  I could see so clearly how this had happened to me, I lost my connection with my true self and became lost in the unconsciousness of fear and misery.  Then the magnetic forces of the law of attraction kicked in in full force to continue the cycle.  Fortunately I did not act out any of the scenarios that had played over and over in my mind.  This is how people say things that hurt others and wreck relationships because now they have affected another person’s energy with their own negativity.  Wow!  Wow!  Can you see how this affects the whole world?!  Are we responsible for perpetuating this negative energy? And if so, what can we do to stop this cycle?  

LET IT GO!  Let it go immediately. You know you are triggered when you react, when you blame, when you no longer are taking responsibility for your actions or words, when you find yourself saying too many negative things, when you become obsessed with a person or a situation, when your mind chatter is affecting your life, the list goes on and on. Yes you say, I know exactly what you mean Tracy but what can I do?  The minute you are aware that you have been triggered (usually a physical feeling of tightness in your body around your heart, stomach or throat), acknowledge it, take a deep breath and let it move through you.  Release the negative energy deep inside of you, visualize it moving through your body and dissipating, feel openness in your heart.  This is going to be very difficult if you leave it or have left it for a long time, but you need to persevere.  Here is the flip side to the story. . . The minute I became aware of this fear based energy blockage and released it, I was back in the flow of life.  Phew!  This shift into positive energy not only brought me back to the most glorious peaceful feeling (like when the sun comes out after a rainy day) but also realigned my energy in the universe and attracted all positive things, including peaceful resolution of the two situations that had triggered me.

This brings me to Part Three of my story, this morning as I sat in meditation with Deepak Chopra’s Energy of Attraction series, he was talking about creating an intention for what you desire, it struck me that I had done this a couple of months ago, my intention was:  “To have an open heart”.  Another Wow!  If I had not had this past weeks experience I never would have fully understood what an open heart meant and or felt like.  Once again I am humbled by these teachings and by the power of intention and attraction, but most of all by the divine teacher (my soul) within.  There is nothing that brings me more sadness then seeing my fellow humans suffering with emotional pain brought on by fear.  Watching people struggle against it with defensiveness, deflection, anger, insecurity, self abuse or worse, makes me want to reach out to them.  But I needed to understand it myself in order to be genuine in my empathy, and that makes me eternally grateful for this experience.  What ever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! We are all in this together.

In closing I want to share these words directly from Michael A Singer’s book “The Untethered Soul” because I think they are important for all of us to contemplate.

In speaking about our reactions to our negative energy blocks he says:

“We all know that we’re doing this, but nobody questions it.  We think we’re supposed to figure out how life should be, and then make it that way.  Only someone who looks deeper, and questions why we need the events of life to be a particular way, will question this assumption.  How did we come up with the notion that life is not okay just the way it is, or that it won’t be okay the way it will be?  Who said that the way life naturally unfolds is not all right?  The answer is, fear says so.” 

Figure this out and you will forever be in the natural flow of life and that is a very blissful place to be.  Good luck my fellow travelers on this path, I travel with you in heartfelt gladness and love.  It is not always easy but it is worth it!

What are you yearning for?

Two and a half years ago my life was out of control, I was putting band aids on everything, my work, my marriage, my friendships.  As a strong independent woman I do not like to ask for help, but finally I was compelled to make the call. The first few months of working with my life coach were filled with much emotion and I will never forget one day when she said compassionately “what are you yearning for?”  To be honest at the time I thought it was the “perfect” love relationship as I was struggling in my marriage and using it as an excuse for all my problems.  It took a little less than a year before I realized it was not a love relationship, my work, my friends or my current situation, I was disconnected from my soul.  I am going to step out on a limb here and say that this is probably the case for just about everyone who feels that their life is out of control, unfulfilled or that something is missing.

So what are YOU yearning for?  Some of you might know right now as you read this, others (and you will be the majority) have no idea. But I can promise you this, your soul knows!  You just have to get quiet enough to hear it.  The two easiest ways I have found to reconnect with my soul are meditation and spending time alone in nature.  Both of these practices redirect your energy from outside of yourself to within. No more blaming, its not any situation or person or event that contributes to your suffering and only you will set yourself free. Don’t be scared by this process, it doesn't mean you have to quit your job, lose your friends or move to a far away place.  What I discovered was that by reconnecting with my soul and understanding what it was yearning for – which for me is sharing my love and light, I could bring it into all aspects of my life.  I can share my love and light with my clients in my accounting practice by understanding their challenges, by being fully present when completing their work and by being an active participant in their story. This has helped me understand that my work is not just about putting money in the bank, it is about living authentically. I also brought it into my friendships, when I just loved my friends (without expectations) I understood that people come and go in our lives based on what is going on for them in the moment, it has nothing to do with us and there is no need to take things personally or cling to them.  The peace and contentment I have found through the connection with my soul also does not require me to escape to far off places in search of anything, it is all right here within. My journey started out as a way to find fulfillment in my life, and quite honestly I looked in many different places before I found what was really missing. . . ME.

My wish for all of you is that you will take a step back from the hustle and bustle of “living”, no excuses, no put off’s, just a little quiet time daily to reconnect with yourself.  The gifts that YOU have contained in your beautiful soul can change the world, and I for one want to see them.  I want to see the REAL you, the creative, compassionate, love filled you, not the facsimile you have been carrying around.  Meet me here. . . NOW.

Thanks.

   It is my birthday this week and I have been on this planet for 50 years – a half century! While things have not always been easy they have definitely been worth it.

   To Haley, Cole and Brent, thank you for letting me nurture our family unit – you know that’s what I love and live to do.  You keep me real!

   To my Mom, sisters and Aunty Corry – my sisterhood, you have known me the longest. Over the years sometimes we have been close and sometimes we have not, but I never doubted your love for one minute and always knew you were there for me when I needed you.

   To my inner circle (often referred to as my soul pod), thank you for calling me out when I needed it, but most of all thank you for supporting me no matter what.  You have accepted and loved me through the good and the bad.

   To my extended family, nieces, nephews, sisters and brothers in law, aunts, uncles and cousins, we are sewn together with the thread of family and what a spectacular patch work quilt we make.  Thank you for all of the joy you have brought me!

   To all of the beautiful souls who have graced my life with your presence, whether it was for an hour, a week or much longer I am privileged and honoured that you shared any time with me in this life.

   To my readers and supporters many of whom I have never met.  Thank you for allowing my words and stories into your lives.  If it was possible to meet you all and share some conversation I would so love that . . . maybe one day.

   It is my purpose in this lifetime to connect and share and I am so grateful to have had the past 50 years to live out this destiny.  Move over Betty White because I am going to give you a run for your money in the next 50!!

I am humbled by my life. Love, Tracy

Those incessant THOUGHTS!

Oh what to do about all of those incessant thoughts, running our life, creating havoc all over the place.  And then followed by those intense feelings, taking over our hearts and our minds, making us say and do crazy things. Ah I know it so well as I am sure you do.  But do you remember what you were thinking or feeling at this exact moment, six months ago? how about 2 weeks ago? Probably not, I know I sure don't.  So why do we give these thoughts and feelings so much of our power?

I have been on this journey of self awareness for a few years, but I still get excited every time I am able to garner a little more insight into the oh so interesting workings of the human mind.  What I discovered or at least finally understood this week is that “thoughts” and “feelings” are just transient objects floating through my consciousness.  This realization was very helpful in letting go of some obsessive thinking I was engaging in.  When I said to myself “Tracy, these are just thoughts and feelings, they are not truths, they are not reality” I was freed from the hold they had on me. Thus I created the mantra below; to remind me when I catch my mind going off on an incessant thought tangent.  Hope it brings some freedom to you my lovely readers!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Difficult Conversations

In the past month I have had to have a lot of "difficult" conversations with some friends and family members.  I say "difficult" because this is new ground for me. For many years I did not want to have these potentially conflict containing conversations because they were uncomfortable for me.  Instead I would keep my feelings to myself, trying to resolve them in my own mind and often (in hindsight) hanging onto a lot of anger and resentment (quite often directed at myself).  On my journey to connect with my true self, I realized this was not being authentic. I had created a persona which I believed in my mind was really ME, but indeed it was not.  Striving to be perfect (my version of perfect) had become a win at all costs proposition.  My competitive nature (mainly with myself) set the bar high and I was only too happy to play the game.  But I considerably underestimated the energy required for this sport and thus began my quest to better use this energy to be true to myself. Slowly but surely I am learning to have these "difficult" conversations, which are really just about me sharing my TRUE feelings with another in an honest and straightforward manner.  Not taking anything personally, not trying to change anyone's opinion and not being attached to the outcome. While I still sometimes come away feeling conflicted (this Libra girl much prefers Harmony), I always know that I have been authentic and ultimately that is what is important to me.  The struggle to not allow another to affect how we feel about ourselves is real and often life long, but it does not have to hold us hostage.  Living authentically in as many moments as possible allows us to shine our own unique light and as those moments become more and more frequent so our life becomes brighter and brighter!

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge . . . love it or hate it, everyone has an opinion.

In the last week I have watched the ALS ice bucket challenge gain strength and have been fascinated by how the world has responded to it.  I am no anthropologist, but I love human behavior so have been observing with much interest.  Everyone seems to have an opinion about it, you either love it and embrace it, hate it and try and deflect or control it or are ambivalent.  What I see with my “percepticals” (love this word I picked up from a recent article I read which means we all see things from our own perception) is that basic human need of being seen, heard and valued. For me my own inner dialogue around it went something like this: “wow isn't that awesome that my friend nominated me, he must really like me (okay I wavered back and forth on this one given that it was very cold outside!), of course I will do it, I have to, there are expectations of me and I don’t want to let anyone down.  And of course we need to record it on video so that everyone can see that I did it AND I want to be part of something that is good and inspiring.”  While my intentions were in the right place, I can see that in large part my response was based on my need to be seen, heard and valued.  So what is the dialogue for the haters?  Or the uninterested?  I don’t know because I am not one of them, but my perception as a watcher would be that they also want to be seen, heard and valued they just have a different perspective.  Because of their own “percepticals” they may want to shift attention to a different cause, have their own belief’s around charities, they may not want to openly share their opinion (this doesn't mean they don’t have one!) or feel that it is silly and childish.  In any case what I find so interesting is all of the differing opinions which stem from the same source.  I love opinions, I have them, I share them, I love to hear others, I love to debate but at the end of the day I hope everyone walks away having learned a little, maybe grown a little and ultimately felt seen, heard and valued.

What I learned from being an observer of this phenomenon; I am in awe of the expansive creativity that the human consciousness is capable of.  I am inspired by the connection that it created in the global brain – the internet via social media.  I am fascinated by the human need to try and control the outcome of something that is not theirs to control. I am encouraged by the large number of people who have spoken out either for or against as discussion is the only real path to growth and change. 

Opinion on my friends!!

(If you are finding yourself getting defensive about others opinions or are trying too hard to convince someone that yours is right you may want to read my post “The need to be seen heard and valued” – April 2, 2014)

Resisting and Clinging

Isn't it interesting how we so readily jump on the merry go round of resisting and clinging? Can we not just BE? Ah such is the human condition. I have been on this merry go round a few times and the best way I know to get off is to go to AA!!  AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE. We can’t change anything without the awareness that it is actually going on, so that is the first step.  Becoming aware of what you are resisting and what you are clinging to in itself will give you a lot of freedom, but the suffering part is only eradicated by acceptance of what is.  Acceptance of the present moment and all that that entails; the good, the bad, the challenging and the ease, it just IS.  We generally resist and cling based on our own perception of how things “should” be, either in the past, present or future.  We need to remember that WE created these perceptions in our own minds based on our own experiences.  But that does not mean that they have to remain our reality; we can change these perceptions any time we want.  I am not saying that if we do we will never again resist or cling; I have been around long enough to know that as well! But I also know from my own experience that we can significantly decrease the amount of energy we expend on it.  A little self examination may be in order to understand why we are triggered by certain people, things and events.  For example, one thing that always triggers me is boredom.  I seem to have created the perception that I need to be busy all the time, so when I am not, I begin resisting it. I start trying to control things, filling my time with meaningless projects/events hoping that it will make me feel better.  Well guess what? It doesn't!  When I checked in with myself I realized that I had created this perception in my childhood, where there was always an expectation that you should be DOING something (as is the case in many Western culture families and I am sure I have given my own children this burden to bear!).  Many of us feel unproductive, lazy, bored, like we are bad people just because we are doing nothing (one day I will share my thoughts on the art of doing nothing).  As is always the case once I became AWARE of this thought pattern and then understood it, I was free to ACCEPT it.  No more resisting . . . for now!  The same works for clinging, I've been there too, wanting to hang onto a feeling, a person, an event. I think the most important thing to remember is that the harder we try NOT to do something, ie. resisting or clinging the more it persists and the more grief it sends our way,  that’s why the practice of awareness and acceptance is so important.  In my experience it is the only way! Maybe one day it will become my natural way of being, until then I will keep going to AA!! Hope to see you there :)