The Ultimate (Self) Pity Party.

I am very familiar with the self pity party having attended a few in my day.  I know it well, it’s a party for one that starts out with a lot of blaming and turns into; I am a bad mother, I am a bad friend, I am a bad wife, I am a bad person very quickly.  For me this party is usually a short one, but I do know sometimes they can go on for days, weeks or months.  These are the kind of  crappy party’s no one wants to go to and yet unfortunately we all do.

My most recent pity party lasted just about a week and to be honest I was struggling.  Having had quite a few months of bliss thanks to a spiritual growth spurt, I was caught off guard and thought I would be better equipped to handle this rough patch (ah the power of the ego).  Of course I tried my usual party tricks of distraction; watching mindless TV, eating bad food, not going out and as usual they did not work.  Then I tried analysis, Why am I feeling this? How could I have handled that better? Why am I not motivated?  A month ago I was totally happy living from my true self, being in the present moment, just living and being. What I learned from this is never underestimate the power of the mind/ego or the emotional debris we all have stored away in our hearts.  I was able to maintain my awareness through all of this and could “see” what was going on, but it was taking me longer.  When I did become aware I used Michael Singer’s technique from The Untethered Soul of “Relax and Release”.  When I felt the emotions rising I would breathe into them and relax and allow them to pass through me.  But this was obviously a little more powerful and didn’t want to release the way I would have liked!!  Thankfully one night I picked up Deepak Chopra’s Book of Secrets (that I keep on my nightstand for just these moments) and opened it up.  Right there on the page I opened he described a process for clearing emotional debris.  His method was to ALLOW the emotion, FEEL it and FOLLOW it all the way to the END.  This worked for me!  I allowed the pity party, I felt the pain of it and I followed it all the way to the end.  At the end I found the most wonderful thing. . . . my true self.  I am not a bad friend, I have so much love in my heart for all of humanity, I am not a bad mother, I have an amazing relationship with both of my children (even though I am sure I made plenty of mistakes) and I am not a bad person, I have a beautiful soul with so much love to share.  It was all there the whole time this party was going on (in my mind only) I just needed to uncover it.  . AGAIN! Spiritual/personal growth is an amazing journey but we need to understand that we still live in this human form.  I learned the importance of staying connected to my true self/soul, but I also learned that there will be times in my human existence that I may lose this connection.  I see now that these are all opportunities for growth and keep me inspired to continue on this path.  We are all spiritual beings living in a human form and everything that entails, so we may as well accept it, work with it and ultimately ENJOY it all!

Here’s hoping the next pity party you attend will be crashed early by your beautiful soul!!

xo

Tracy

Intuition. . . your guide to clarity, focus, awareness and love.

This past weekend as I was cleaning out a closet I found a picture I had painted 7 years ago while visiting my artist Aunt (I myself am not much of an artist!).  I had totally forgot about even painting this picture but what struck me was that a short time ago during a meditation I was doing we were asked to create an image in our mind of something we would like to manifest.  I immediately had an image of me standing on a veranda of a tropical house looking out to the ocean in front of me, drinking a cup of coffee and feeling totally peaceful and content.  I remember at the time saying “I know I will have that one day, I don’t know when or how or where but someday I will be standing in that exact spot and I will remember this image”.  When I found the painting, I was amazed to see that it was an exact (and I use that term loosely) replica of my minds image.  I am not surprised that this image keeps coming up for me, but I now have a better understanding of why.  In my quest to get better acquainted and connected to my true self I am now seeing the fruits of that labour.

I often say that we “know” things at the deepest level of ourselves, the problem is that we often don’t listen or trust this inner guidance.  I only know this because I have experienced it!.  We are often so busy trying to find the answers in our “mind” constantly thinking. . . Why? When? Where? Who? How? That we don’t realize we already have the answers we are just unable to access them. Believe me I know this is not as easy as it sounds and has taken me some time to figure it out, but if I can do it so can you!  For me meditation was the window through which I saw that it was possible to go beyond my thinking mind.  I found my true self in the awareness behind my thoughts.  Once I was able to access the unlimited power of my soul I learned to trust it (not easy either and significantly improved with the assistance of my life coach).  For me this inner guidance has been invaluable.  It has deepened my relationships, brought focus to my work and personal life, given me clarity in making decisions, allows me to remain calm in stressful situations and has even improved my golf game!  By being connected to my true self I am also able to be authentic in all of my communications and this has been so important to me.  In the past I often felt shame, guilt, fear, resentment and anger at MYSELF but instead projected this onto others.  I often came away from interactions wishing I would have said something different or not said it at all.  Or in order to avoid having to look at my own issues I would just blame someone else.  None of this felt good and only made me feel less and less fulfilled. I am happy to say that now I quite often find myself feeling PROUD of the way I have handled situations and conversations and always come away feeling good.  And if I don’t feel good at least I know I have been authentic and had the best intention (sometimes people don’t like what your authentic self has to say-their problem not yours) and I am good with that too!  My religious sister would say that the Holy Spirit is working and speaking through me and she is right, (even though we have different words and beliefs) it is my own Holy Spirit, my beautiful soul that has been uncovered.  And when we are connected to our souls/true selves we become fulfilled in a way that elevates our energetic vibration and positively affects the whole world.  Do you want to connect to your true self?  Feel fulfilled and content?  Be able to fully access your own intuition?  Do you want to live in a peaceful space? Get quiet, relax and breathe, let your heart guide you and do one thing today that feels right just for you.  It is never too late to start your own journey. 

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Self Employed or Considering It? Please read.

I usually write on this blog about my personal journey but today I felt inclined to share a little bit of my business life.  Having worked corporate jobs for 20 years, the idea of having my own business had never occurred to me.  When I left my last corporate job in 2005, I was offered an opportunity to start a home based business and now would never even consider working for someone else.  After operating a few different types of businesses, I found I had a passion for entrepreneurs and small business owners. The course of my life led me to doing some part time accounting work, which then turned into a full time career/business. In the corporate world I had always worked in the financial sector, so I was able to use some of these same skills and transfer them to my new business venture.  I always tell people to look at their skill set when considering new employment or business opportunities.  For example a stay at home mom has learned skills that can be used in many occupations.  She has learned to organize, mediate, work under pressure, supervise, support. . . . Do you see where I am going with this?  Never underestimate the skills that your life has provided!

The life of the self employed is not always an easy one, but it is worth it.  Probably the single most challenging thing we all deal with is what I refer to as “feast or famine”, that is we are not happy when times are slow and we are equally as unhappy when we are too busy!  Over the years I have thankfully gotten much better at dealing with the highs and lows.  I attribute much of this to my meditation and mindfulness practices from my personal life.  That is another interesting thing about the life of the self employed; there is very little separation between work and personal.  Keep in mind most of us are pursuing our passions so work doesn't always feel like work.  While it is important to have a balance in all aspects of life, it is more about being aware of what we need and when (such are the benefits of mindfulness).  

When I first struck out on my own it was a little disconcerting, I became caught up in the hours of work and playing the numbers game.  I often spent hours in my office being unproductive and going over and over my “numbers”.  All this served to do was make me more apprehensive about whether or not I was going to be successful.  With the assistance of my life and business coach I became aware of this pattern of behavior which was a huge turning point for me.  Then I did the single most important thing I have every done for my business, or maybe I should say for MYSELF. I did a business analysis; the one thing I encourage all of my clients to do, but had not done myself!  Going through this process allowed me to see that the work was the work, one way or another it always got done and I was making a living at it.  I could see that year over year I was growing at a reasonable rate and I was also happily maintaining a work/life balance.  Was this not the ultimate measure of success?  Absolutely!  It allowed me to let go of the numbers, to trust that the work would be there when I needed it and to enjoy the slow times just a little bit! The second part of this business analysis was determining who my ideal client was.  When I was stressing about a shortage of work my coach would say “what do you need?” and I would always say “I need more clients”. Then one day she said “how many do you need?”  I thought for a minute and I said “I don’t need more I just need the RIGHT clients”.  So who is the right client for me?  I came up with 3 things that were important to me.  1.  They had to need my services and value what I did.  2.  They needed to pay me a fair price and in a timely fashion.  3.  I had to like them and want to work with them.  Again this process was amazingly helpful. I actually did turn business down because the client did not meet my criteria and I have never been sorry about it. For every client I said no to I had at least one or two more that I said yes to.  Many of us business owners never really stop to ask ourselves what type of client we actually want.  Did you ever ask yourself why there are so many people doing the same thing and are all successful?  It is because we all attract a different type of clientele based on our own personalities and the way we do business as an individual.  Even in a large corporation, the culture of the business and the clients they attract will largely be based on the top level of management or ownership.  So instead of always looking for some ”thing” that sets you apart, try creating your own culture that is based on who YOU are. People are drawn to authenticity, so if you operate from a place that is authentic to you, you will attract the “right” client for your business.  I remember one night in my business women’s group one of the gals, said to me “you would go somewhere else if you could get a better price” and I said “no actually I wouldn't”.  I am what I call a “loyal” client, if I receive good service and I like the person or people I am dealing with I won’t even look anywhere else.  For me it is all about the relationship!   Sound familiar?  Exactly what I want in my own clients is the type of client I am.  If you know what you value for yourself, you will know who your ideal client is.  So instead of looking for the next hot trend or taking another business course, find what your passionate about, figure out a way to make money doing it (even if it is part time or seems like a hobby sometimes, because we all do need money to live and sometimes have to work for someone else while we pursue our dreams on the side) and then let things unfold.  Just keep doing it for the love of it!  Offer the same level or type of service that you would expect, maintain your integrity and don’t compromise your own ideals based on other peoples perceptions or business models. Take any advice you are offered and decide for yourself if it feels right for YOU. Just because someone else has been successful using a certain “strategy”, ie social media, print advertising, networking, etc does not mean it is right for your business.  Part of being a successful business owner and what I love about entrepreneurial people is their ability to use their own creativity and make their own decisions even when it may seem crazy to others.  Forge your own path!

As I read back on this post, again I see that my business and personal lives are really one and the same.  The same philosophies I practice in my personal life are the same ones I practice in my business life.  Staying true to myself, being authentic in my communications, always being mindful and aware, and allowing everyone in my life whether they are my friends, or business partners to pursue their journey in their own unique way.  I guess that is MY unique gift!  What is your unique gift? How can you share it in your own unique way? Find the passion and courage deep in your heart and share it with the world!!

Happiness.

What does happiness mean to you?  It is the one thing that every human being on the planet seeks.  Billions of dollars are spent trying to acquire it; lives are lost fighting for it; people and situations are blamed for the lack of it and a tremendous amount of our own personal energy is ultimately expended looking for it.  The last few months have been some of the happiest of my life and I have to be honest it really is not that complicated.  It didn’t cost me any money (okay maybe a few dollars on books, candles, coffee, wine, food, music), I didn’t have to blame anyone or anything and the energy I put into making myself happy has been given back to me ten fold. First of all let me say that you will never find happiness looking outside yourself.  You won’t find it in another person, you won’t find it in exotic trips, you won’t find it in a new job or a new house, you will only find it in your own heart. I have always been a seeker which has led me to study many different philosophies, which I am grateful for, but in the end it was my own divine teacher (my soul) that taught me the most. Through meditation, yoga and coaching I learned to connect to my body, learn from my emotions and have gotten to know myself on an intimate level.  I have learned to listen to my true self, be authentic in all of my communications and interactions and accept all that life sends my way. I have found joy in the simplest of things, morning coffee on my deck, practising yoga and dancing (often by myself), sharing a bottle of wine, good food and conversation with a friend, reading inspiring books (and sometimes a trashy novel!), hanging out with my kids, connecting with my soul pod and walking my dog in the forest or just petting him on my lap.  I remember the days when I was planning big trips, climbing the corporate ladder, shopping, organizing parties, filling my life with superficial things hoping they would bring me happiness.  Sometimes it brought me short term pleasure, but ultimately I still felt that deep yearning for something more.  Turns out that something more was actually something less! Fall in love with yourself, live from your authentic self, share your gifts, have faith and move in the flow of life, those have been my keys to happiness. Oh yes and LOVE, love yourself, share that love with others and above all LOVE your life. . . .every minute of it!

Join me for the FREE Oprah & Deepak Chopra meditation series on

“Expanding your Happiness”

Starts August 11, 2014 Register for free at:  www.chopracentermeditation.com

Your TRUTH is YOUR truth.

I follow author Jeff Brown on Facebook (facebook/soulshaping) and today while reading one of the comments on his post I was inspired to reply.  What inspired me was a need to clarify for us all, that one person’s truth in this moment in time is their truth alone.  Having the courage to share their experience through words, photos, painting, singing, dancing should not be judged based on our own perception. These “sharings” (not really a word, but I like it) are meant to be an expression of someone’s life journey and we need to appreciate that.  Can we voice our own opinion, agree or disagree, share our own experience of a similar thing?  Absolutely! But do we have the right to suggest that another person should change their own truth to suit our needs? Absolutely not! Such is the beauty of art in all forms, some of us respond to certain things and others to different things.  As a writer, I write from my heart what is my truth and my own experience.  My goal is to share with you in the hope that something I say may help you along your own personal life journey.  But I know there are lots of people who will not understand, or “get” what I am saying.  There are also lots of people who will flat out disagree and that’s okay.  I love that there are so many people out there sharing their stories, it is what helps me to learn and to grow.  We all process information in different ways and understand meaning at different times, that’s why you can pick up a book and not be able to get into it and two years later it is life changing for you. Or someone says something over and over (so true in yoga) and finally it just clicks.  Isn’t this great?!  It speaks to our ability to grow and learn.  The important part is that we remain open, open to receiving what we need at the time.  Allow what resonates to settle in and let go of what does not.  And maybe just maybe what does not resonate will come back to you later and you will say “ah. . . I get why I could not see that before”.  Now that is progress and isn’t that what this is all about?

Spiritual Evolution

I just spent the weekend with my Aunt and as always we had many wonderful conversations about life, love, relationships and personal growth.  She introduced the words “spiritual evolution” into one of our discussions and it quickly became our go to phrase.  We can become so focussed on how we are different from others and see them as separate from us.  But the reality is we are all connected through our energy source and while we may be at different points in our spiritual evolution we are all still the same. At a recent meditation retreat I attended the teacher made the statement that when we look with our eyes (at others) we see only differences, these can be physical, mental and emotional attributes, but when we close our eyes and look with our hearts we are all the same.  As I sat in that room of 40+ people I tried it and he was right!  Now when I catch myself looking at someone and seeing differences I close my eyes and look with my heart.  Regardless of our culture, our bank account, our clothes, our car, we all want to be happy, to love and be loved, to be safe and healthy and to live our life fully.  The truth is when we are living from our authentic self we attract others into our life that are part of our path, regardless of where we are in our spiritual evolution at that time.  And as each one of us continues to evolve, people and situations will come and go as our energy shifts.  This may be the answer to why it is so difficult for many of us to “let go”.  When we understand that all of our experiences and relationships become part of our evolution then we can let go and move forward. The fact is that evolution is part of universal law, there is no use fighting it we need to embrace it.  Be okay with change, let go of what we need to, be open to what comes to us, feel instead of think our way and allow our spiritual evolution to unfold in its own unique beautiful way.

Namaste – The divinity in me honours the divinity in you.

Change and Flow.

There is nothing more certain in life then change, other than death and taxes (hehe)! The trick I am finding on dealing with all of the changes in my life is flow.  We can so easily get caught up in the trap of trying to fight change, fearing change, waiting for change or desiring change that we lose sight of the reason for change.  Change is growth; if nothing ever changes it is also never growing.  Just take a look around you, in nature everything is always changing and growing, in the world of science there are always new discoveries, technology is ever changing and growing (like it or not), we as a human species are changing and growing (in some parts of the world more so than others, sadly). So why our love hate relationship with change?  One of the big things is definitely fear, when something changes the outcome is unknown and there is nothing we hate more then uncertainty as it challenges our safety.  This fear manifests itself as control, we try and control the situation, the person, the event, which only causes us a huge amount of suffering and most times does not lead to the outcome we are so attached to anyway. Another thing that holds us back from making changes is courage, the courage to stand up to the unknown and have faith that we will be okay.  The courage to trust our own intuition, to do what is best for ourselves and the greater good, or to step outside the “norms” of society.  Courage can be cultivated one small step at a time, but we often think we need to take a REALLY big step before we are ready and this keeps us paralyzed.  And so the struggle continues . . . . we are either fighting against change or endlessly wishing for it.  I think the answer lies in  “flow”, which I always picture as a creek; the water continues to move along the creek bed, rolling over rocks, around trees, providing nourishment for plants and animals and playing its own song. No matter what challenges are thrown in its path, sometimes it is overflowing, sometimes it is just about dry, sometimes it gets damned up by debris or man, but through it all it continues to flow in its own way on its own path.  There is no fear, no lack of courage, it just is.  So if we take a page from the creeks book, then no matter what changes life gives us or if we chose to make those changes on our own,  life will go on.  It may be rough, it may seem insurmountable at times, it may be blissful and without a doubt there will be someone or something that tries to dam us up, but through it all if we just allow the experience of  change to wash over us, to accept it and flow with it, we will significantly reduce our suffering.  We can provide nourishment to others by saying “we are okay with change because we welcome growth”,  and we can sing a song of hope for the many who remain stuck in their patterns of fear and control.  Together we flow through life like a creek, ever changing, ever growing, enjoying the ride!