The need to be right.
I have been contemplating the need to be right for a few
years now and this morning I had some new awareness around it. Maybe the need to be right is really just the
need to be heard. I have done a lot of work healing my childhood hurts, many of
them the result of adults not “hearing” us when we say “I am scared”, “I don’t want
to do that”, etc. As adults when children say this to us, we just want to fix
it for them, but what they hear is “its not okay to feel what I feel”. And so, I went back to these moments in time
and felt the hurt, forgave the adult, and forgave myself for believing that my
feelings did not matter. But I did not really put it all together until this
morning. I do have a strong need to be
right, always have, I have strong opinions and am not afraid to speak my truth,
but often times this turns into a situation of “I am right, and you are wrong”.
I have now learned to say “we can agree to disagree”, but I think there is more
here then meets the eye. I thought about all the times when someone strongly
disagreed with my opinion and could feel that it felt the same as not being
heard. If someone said to me, “I can see why you believe that, but I don’t agree
with all of it” or “I don’t have enough information to talk about this further”,
it totally diffused the situation. But
if both of us were caught up in the need to be heard, in reality, neither one
of us was!! Lol
Considering the divisiveness that is going on in the world
today I have been interested in why we have developed this us against them
culture, and wonder if it has something to do with this. I have long felt that many people are
disconnected from themselves, from their authenticity, their truth, their
soul. Maybe this need to be right is
just the need to be heard. And so, you
ask the question, heard by whom? Would it make a difference if everyone saw it
our way? Would that bring us peace and happiness? To some degree yes it would,
but at some point, that “right” is going to change if you are relying on
something outside of yourself to tell you if it is right or not. I believe that
who we most need to hear us, is ourselves.
By being true to the truth of our Being, we no longer need something or
someone outside of us to make it so. How
many ways do we not “hear” ourselves; when we put others needs before our own,
when we are hurt but do not express it, when we feel sadness, joy, happiness, grief,
or despair and pretend that we don’t out of concern for others opinions, put
unrealistic expectations on ourselves, I could go on and on, speaking from
experience 😉 . . . . but I guess what I am trying to decide
for myself and maybe that would explain it for others too, is if I listened to
myself, if I made my feelings important, if I spoke my truth fearlessly, would I
no longer have the need to be right?
Could I post a comment on a social media post that just stated my
opinion without making the other person wrong? Could I have a debate on a hot topic
and not have my nervous system go crazy? Would I stop my righteous indignation
at the media when I do not agree with them?
Only time and awareness will tell.
Much Love,
Tracy
