What does stress mean to you? This word is used a lot in our society, but
do we really understand what it is? To
be honest, I don’t think I have really understood it until recently. Sometimes it is hard to differentiate what
our own thoughts and feelings are towards something, with what society and our
past conditioning tells us we should think and feel. It becomes so “normal” for us to see things a
certain way that we lose the clarity of our own authentic self.
Recently a few friends have been experiencing some health
issues that are supposed to be related to “stress”. However, these individuals don’t feel like they
are “stressed”, they aren’t over worked, they aren’t dealing with any difficult
family situations, they are comfortable in their relationships, so why are they
experiencing stress related illness. I
have been contemplating this in others and in myself as I have had the same
illnesses appear from time to time. Today
I had some insight into what the worst type of “stress” is – it is the stress we
put on ourselves! We tend to think about
stress as something that is happening outside of ourselves, but what about what
is going on in the inside. Are you
judging yourself? Are you beating yourself up about something? Do you feel like
you could BE better, DO better? To be
honest I am starting to think that this stress is far more damaging then the “outside”
stressors. Things outside of ourselves are
always changing, there is an ebb and flow to life. But is there an ebb and flow in our inner
world, or are we just repeating the same “tapes” in our heads?
Over the last couple of months I have been very busy with
work (tax time!), and even though it would appear that I have been under a lot of
“stress”, I can tell you that this stress has been no where near as difficult
to deal with as the stress that I have been putting on myself. This morning thanks to some downtime and clarity
and examining my judgement of another, I was able to see how harshly I have
been judging myself. One of the most
important things in my life is my meditation and contemplation time, it is the
Essence of who I am. Yet over the past
few months I have been judging myself for being lazy, unmotivated and
complacent (even despite how hard I have been working, so CRAZY!). All of this has been happening on the inside,
largely unknown to myself and probably others.
Ironically, it wasn’t until I took the time to be “lazy, unmotivated and
complacent” (sarcasm) that I realized how much discomfort this was causing me. I remember as a child always being called lazy
or a dreamer; being contemplative wasn’t a valued trait in the era I grew up
in!! I created a belief as a child that I was lazy
and that wasn’t a good thing. Even
though my authentic self needs downtime and I feel the most myself when I am just
BEING, this isn’t largely valued by our current society and certainly not by my
parents and teachers at the time I grew up. It is such a challenge to examine these habitual patterns of behavior, but I am so glad I have learned this skill. All of the great spiritual teachers will tell you that the path to living your authentic self is not an easy one, and they are definitely right about that! I know this will probably come back up for me at sometime, as we do tend
to forget (which is a big reason I write this blog, so I can read it later and
remind myself!) but I am hoping that this realization will create a little bit
of change for me and allow me to continue on my path to wholeness. Accepting and loving everything about myself
is my motivation and my passion and I am always excited for these experiences
of insight!! Thanks for reading and for
allowing me to share my “whole” self with you <3.
Much Love,
Tracy
