Unfortunately judgement of others has become a huge part of
our society, obsession with celebrity, social media, bullying, shaming, reality
TV it has all contributed to us becoming a very judgmental population. I find this disconcerting, and decided to look at the ways that I contribute to this by observing my own judgements. I have to admit this was challenging and remains so, but here is my experience thus far.
To even become aware that you are
judging is difficult, our culture is so conditioned to it that we often don’t
even realize we are doing it. And so the
first step for me was to recognize and become aware that I was judging. I listened to my words, paid attention to how I felt, watched my reactions to certain situations, people, conversations,
etc. When I became aware that I was judging I acknowledged it, I said to myself “judging”. I experienced my awareness in my physical reaction/feeling to something someone said or
did. I also became aware when I heard myself talking about someone else
and being critical of their actions or words, and also when I resorted to righteousness,
ie. “They deserve better”, “I know they are capable of more”, etc. really this was only justifying my judgement!
Once I became aware of a pattern in my judgement's, I could start to look at the unhealed emotions and fears underneath them. I found this to be one
of the most difficult aspects, it has taken a long time of watching, awareness and contemplation and is still a work in progress (with a lot of assistance from my meditation practice!). A lot of this introspection has required me to be very accepting of myself, we cannot
change what we refuse to confront! First I needed to acknowledge the darker aspects of myself. Judging someone else for lying, cheating, needing
attention, not taking personal responsibility, etc. is much easier than admitting it about yourself. I began by seeing these things as just words, “controller”, “attention seeker”, “liar”, etc.
without labeling them as good or bad, simply acknowledging that it was an aspect of myself. The next part was very difficult for me, but
I believe it to be the most important part and that is NO judgement of yourself! If you’re reading this you obviously have a high degree of personal
responsibility so you will understand this very well, no one is harder on us than we are on ourselves.
The problem with this is we become so caught up in trying NOT to judge
and this only leads to more judgement – of OURSELVES! Instead what I needed to do was release all judgement of ME first, then I was able to see myself in my judgement of others and the transformation began. I have to admit I saw many of these glimpses in the "judgement mirror" quite frequently, over and over, year upon year, but that’s okay it has all led me to this moment in time and on this journey called life timing is everything.
Turning judgement into non judgement is making me more
tolerant, accepting, compassionate and loving. Does the world not need more of these qualities in all of us? Will you join me in creating your own quality
of non judgement? We can do this!
